Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

IPB
4 Pages V  « < 2 3 4  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Trois-par-Huit (Three-by-Eight) Octa-Tri, New form by Cleo
Cleo_Serapis
post Nov 24 05, 08:43
Post #61


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



thanks.gif Liz.

Your chapbook title is perfect!  kitty.gif

You've inspired me to write!  cheer.gif

Here's one I wrote this morning:

(Holiday) Potpourri

Scents entice;
simmered holiday spice
caramel, chocolate drizzled glaze

nutmeg, cinnamon, ginger: powdered-sugar craze
savory ciders, scintillating sweets amaze

dollops of whip cream jubilee
mouth-watering decree
potpourri


© Lorraine M Kanter 24 Nov 2005


edited L5 - was:
savory ciders, tarts, cookies, pies, breads amaze


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Dec 5 05, 21:42
Post #62


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



Hey Lori,

Oh I am spending next Christmas with you... wink.gif You have a way of making scents and sounds, images and life come alive with words... HEre's one for my Cousin Joann, Tweedle as my mom nick named her when she was little and we've called her that ever since.  



Memories
of younger days, we'd breeze
like winds in gentle rainstorms to grasp

the setting of the sun; we'd run, ready to clasp
a manic moment in time, our minutes would lapse

between distance and dreams we had shared.
Those adventures we dared;
neither feared.







·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Dec 6 05, 06:28
Post #63


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Liz - this is so beautiful - you've got the rhyme plus, the meter sings.gif AND you've built in assonance AND alloteratative devices in this short 8 line piece. WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! :pharoah2 sun.gif hsdance.gif

This form looks great on you! lovie.gif

Enjoyed every word!

Lori xmaswindow.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
JustDaniel
post Dec 23 05, 10:21
Post #64


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,451
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Note: Subsequent to posting this, I realized that I've written a few of these without regard for the Last line = title rule. Forgive me please, Lori. I corrected the description in P-V. I guess you didn't notice the error there?

gettin' through

paperwork
is what I’d often shirk
but it came back to overwhelm me

so now I use my days off, and I work for free,
but bit by bit the pile goes down; my desk I see

in new office, new computer too
where duty’s far less blue
gettin’ through


© Daniel J Ricketts 10 Oct 2005



Original title (in error):

trod par suite


·······IPB·······

Slow down; things will go faster!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
JustDaniel
post Sep 14 06, 13:38
Post #65


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,451
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



distracted

one more day
ere I will taste cool spray
of ocean waves with a tinge of salt

escaping paling confines of this dingy vault
to allow end-of-summer sun my skin assault

so in that prospect I've redacted
these words, for I've acted
distracted


© MLee Dickens'son 13 Sept 2006


(original)

one more day
ere I will taste cool spray
of ocean waves with a tinge of salt

while escaping the confines of this dingy vault
to let the end-of-summer sun my skin assault

so in the meantime I’ve redacted
these words, for I've acted
distracted


·······IPB·······

Slow down; things will go faster!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Sep 15 06, 05:35
Post #66


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Sep 14 06, 14:38 ) *
distracted

one more day
ere I will taste cool spray
of ocean waves with a tinge of salt

while escaping the confines of this dingy vault
to let the end-of-summer sun my skin assault

so in the meantime I’ve redacted
these words, for I've acted
distracted


© MLee Dickens'son 13 Sept 2006

Hi Daniel.

An excellent Octa-Tri here! I can smell the ocean salt and feel the wind! hsdance.gif

One suggestion: Are there other ways to replace those "the's" in this one to make every word count?

Cheers
~Cleo Pharoah.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
JustDaniel
post Sep 15 06, 06:51
Post #67


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,451
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Point taken, Lori. thanks.gif I've posted a revision... Guitar.gif

and I'll try to do better in that department. Speechless.gif

the excess

the using
of the ‘the’ — abusing
the “pick-the-briefest” rule of the bard

is the most widespread, yea the hardest of the hard
of the poet’s habits that spread about the lard

in the volumes of the poor guy’s mess
in the which he’d suppress
the excess


© MLee Dickens’son 15 Sept 2006


·······IPB·······

Slow down; things will go faster!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Oct 21 07, 20:29
Post #68


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Here's an interesting thread I just found by googling my name, LOL.gif


http://www.thestarlitecafe.com/discus/mess...html?1153859780


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Sekhmet
post Nov 19 09, 03:52
Post #69


Greek
***

Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 743
Joined: 3-February 09
From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK
Member No.: 754
Real Name: Leonora Wyatt
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:No one at all



Hi Cleo - here is my five minute verse - I am always slightly baffled by the fashion for dressing things up in Faux French - is to make them sound more ancient or authentic? After all, we are not Medieval French Shepherd Poets.
It would be possible to use the title, 'Eins - Acht' (in German). Just as logical - but it wouldn't sound so good. Plain English when ever possible, unless speaking of things that are genuinely French.
Leo




Trois par Huit

Wonder why

we always seem to try

to dress up our dishes quite mundane,

by giving them a high sounding Frenchified name?

I'm thinking, 'Would not this poem sound just the same;

with a title slightly more sedate,

and language in its natural state?'

Three by Eight!




·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Nov 19 09, 08:53
Post #70


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Very interesting observation, Leo. I don't actually recall how I came to give this form its name, but I think it had to do with the form 'Huitain'? There's a 4x8 version as well you may get a kick out of trying. footballhelmet.gif

You've got two lines that need a bit of tweaking:

I'm thinking, 'Would not this poem sound just the same;
This is only 11 beats- unless you pronounce poem as 2 syllables?

and language in its natural state?'
This one is trickier - this line should only have 6 beats total. If I count language and natural as 2 it still reads at 8.

Thanks for your first attempt - well done! claps.gif thumbsup.gif Hoping you'll revise to match the params exactly!

Cheers
~Cleo teacher.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Larry
post Mar 13 15, 15:07
Post #71


Creative Chieftain
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,332
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Saw this and thought I'd try my hand at one. Hope it's okay Lori.



Alibis

Butterflies
take wing; fill azure skies
with rainbow hues. Light breezy kisses

fill eyes, caress our souls. Could that be what bliss is?
One who studies Lepidoptera dismisses

their gifts to find why a species dies.
That’s how mankind denies.
Alibis!


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
JustDaniel
post Mar 15 15, 04:50
Post #72


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,451
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



What's 'is Name

Once upon
a time before the dawn
of Lori's naming it "Octo-Tri"

the title "Trois-Par-Huit" was offered by a guy
whose experimenting with forms was never shy.

She took it, then decided to tame
the label by ol' lame
What's 'is Name.


·······IPB·······

Slow down; things will go faster!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Larry
post Mar 15 15, 13:40
Post #73


Creative Chieftain
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,332
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



So Confess

Daniel did,
but I suspect he hid
his anonymity to keep peace,

for he’s the only one I know who doesn’t cease
trying out new forms with his tongue-in-cheek caprice.

It matters not what name forms possess
but thanks to those who bless;
so confess!


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Apr 13 15, 10:06
Post #74


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



OOOh Hi Larry! wave.gif

So glad you stopped in to try this! dance.gif I did not get a notification for some reason and just found it today (and you've done three of the Trois-par-Huit)! There is also a four-by-eight version as well should you try that one (Quarte-par-Huit).

I LOVE butterfly and dragonfly poetry! lovie.gif
This is beautiful! hersheyskiss.gif

~Cleo butterfly.gif

QUOTE (Larry @ Mar 13 15, 16:07 ) *
Saw this and thought I'd try my hand at one. Hope it's okay Lori.

Alibis

Butterflies
take wing; fill azure skies
with rainbow hues. Light breezy kisses

fill eyes, caress our souls. Could that be what bliss is?
One who studies Lepidoptera dismisses

their gifts to find why a species dies.
That’s how mankind denies.
Alibis!



·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Larry
post Apr 14 15, 14:05
Post #75


Creative Chieftain
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,332
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Thanks Lori,

I did try your "Quarte-par-Huit" and posted it for your pleasure. Hope it meets all parameters including your approval.

Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
2 User(s) are reading this topic (2 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

4 Pages V  « < 2 3 4
Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th March 2024 - 04:58




Read our FLYERS - click below



Reference links provided to aid in fine-tuning your writings. ENJOY!

more Quotes
more Art Quotes
Dictionary.com ~ Thesaurus.com

Search:
for
Type in a word below to find its rhymes, synonyms, and more:

Word: