Nice to meet you. I am Amethyst, otherwise known as Liz (some on the internet might know me as poetprncess) I liked the meaning in your intent. I liked the simplicity and concise. It is the type of poem that with the right words can say so much, with such power in such little words.
The premise of fire/burn and other references that heighten that can bring this more toward the metaphor. Some suggestions, and please feel free to use or lose anything for your consideration.
Otherwise, I do like this. It is a small gem, that packs large imagery.
Best to you, Liz
QUOTE (greenwich @ Dec 18 15, 16:26 )
A meeting of minds
My heart is on fire.
I tirelessly burn after realising
my feelings equates
to falling under your spell.
[b]L1. The word hearth wants to jump out. My heart is a hearth or My heart, like a hearth /
L2, you might want to omit the I. Starting L2 with tirelessly burns (to bring the fire into the hearth) and feeds your metaphor.
L3. I am not sure of your meaning for equates. My suggestion here is to develop the fire/heat/burning images -
my feelings, your tinder
scattered among your runes (runes are fortune telling tiles and A POEM OR SAYING OF MYSTICAL MEANING TO CREATE A SPELL.)