Autumn Leaf Options

[Guest_Nina_*]

Autumn Leaf (revised thanks, James, Cathy, Fran)

It once nestled comfortably;
integral part of  
flourishing powerful oak;
green, vibrant, useful.

Days shorten;
winter threatens:
central structure
withdraws sustenance,
discarding surplus.

Leaf declines:
surfaces fade...
to yellow, then brown,
edges fray.


Unwanted, it falls
forgotten, to ground:
brittle, fragile.

Swept aside,
stamped on by life:
leaf disintegrates.



----------------------------------------

Autumn Leaf (original)

It once nestled comfortably;
integral part of  
flourishing mighty oak;
green, vibrant, useful.

Days shorten;
winter threatens:
central structure
withdraws sustenance,
discarding surplus.

Leaf declines:
surfaces fade to
yellow, then brown,
edges fray.

Unwanted, it falls
forgotten to ground,
becoming brittle, fragile.

Swept aside,
stamped on by life,
the leaf disintegrates.

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

Some suggestions: {-}[+]

Autumn Leaf

{It once nestled}[Nestling] comfortably;
integral part of  
flourishing {mighty oak}; [majestic oak]
green, vibrant, useful.

("mighty oak" is a bit cliche - from Python's Lumberjack song, too, I think)

Days shorten;
winter threatens:
{central structure}[centre]
withdraws sustenance,
discarding surplus.

Leaf declines:
{surfaces fade to
yellow, then brown,}
edges fray.

What about:

Leaf declines:
surfaces fade...
to yellow, then brown,
edges fray.

Unwanted, it falls
forgotten[,] to ground{,}[:]
{becoming} brittle, fragile.

Swept aside,
stamped on by life{,}[:]
{the} leaf disintegrates.

Most enjoyable. Thank you.

J.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi J

thanks for your suggestions

{It once nestled}[Nestling] comfortably; ....possibly, though I wanted to convey past integral involvement in the infrastructure
integral part of  
flourishing {mighty oak}; [majestic oak]
green, vibrant, useful.

...mighty oak may be be cliched, but majestic oak doesn't work as a metaphor for the other two meanings I had in mind which perhaps don't come across.  I'm trying to convey power.

Days shorten;
winter threatens:
{central structure}[centre] ...I shall ponder this
withdraws sustenance,
discarding surplus.

Leaf declines:
{surfaces fade to
yellow, then brown,}
edges fray.

What about:

Leaf declines:
surfaces fade...
to yellow, then brown,
edges fray.

yes, I like that, thanks

Unwanted, it falls
forgotten[,] to ground{,}[:]
{becoming} brittle, fragile.

I agree with you here

Swept aside,
stamped on by life{,}[:]
{the} leaf disintegrates ....I kept changing my mind about "the" will think on it some more.

Thanks for your suggestions, much food for thought

Nina

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Nina,

It's that time of year again, when the leaves start to turn, the air
gets that pungent odor and the world becomes bright and colorful.

{It once nestled} comfortably; Once nestling ...?
integral part of  
flourishing mighty oak;
green, vibrant, useful.

Days shorten;
winter threatens:
{central structure}  life source?
withdraws sustenance,
discarding surplus.

Leaf declines:
{surfaces}[color] fade[s] {to  
yellow, then brown},
edges fray.

Unwanted, it falls
forgotten to ground,
becoming brittle, fragile.

Swept aside,
stamped on by life,
the leaf disintegrates.

Once nestling comfortably;
integral part of  
flourishing mighty oak;
green, vibrant, useful.

Days shorten;
winter threatens:
life source
withdraws sustenance,
discarding surplus.

Leaf declines:
color fades,
edges fray.

Unwanted, it falls
forgotten to ground,
becoming brittle, fragile.

Swept aside,
stamped on by life,
the leaf disintegrates.

To use or lose as you see fit.  :grinning:
Cathy

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

Thanks for your suggestions, I'll put them all in the melting pot to consider when I revise.

Thanks

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

My pleasure - I liked this poem. Thank you.

J.

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Nina

I have to go out in the garden later and rake up some of these varmints, y'know. And now I'll be crooning lullabies and cuddling them before I dump 'em in the compost.  :upside:

Seriously, Nina, a great job of contemplating the fall of the autumn leaf.

Autumn Leaf

It once nestled comfortably;  --- the 'comfortably' is a bit human, perhaps?
integral part of  
flourishing mighty oak;  --- beautiful trees (we have one 18" tall, lol)
green, vibrant, useful.  

Days shorten;
winter threatens:  --- winter approaches ?
central structure
withdraws sustenance,  
discarding surplus.

--- this sounds like the leaf suffers cos the tree shuts off food, but it is actually the leaves (I think? scratching at Bio 1B memories here, lol) that 'tell' the tree as the day-length decreases. So programmed leaf-death is more of an agreement between tree and leaf

Leaf declines:
surfaces fade to
yellow, then brown,
edges fray.  ---- succint descriptions

Unwanted, it falls
forgotten to ground,  --- not by the gardener!
becoming brittle, fragile.

Swept aside,  --- I shall cry when I'm out there with my rake
stamped on by life,
the leaf disintegrates.

--- would an extra verse on beoming part of the next year's new leaves fit? Or too much reincarnation?

I feel like I want to push the metaphor to mean something far more, but I'm not sure it works for any human condition as the leaves are so carefully recycled ...  but this has certainly got me thinking - Thanks

Fran

[Cybele]

Dear Nina,

This is such a detached view (excuse the pun   )on the life of an Autumn leaf, that it could be read as an allegory of wasted lives.

Apart from the first, quite gentle verse (birth) it then becomes a very matter of fact description of decline and fall.

There is so much more to read into this poem Nina.  It actually makes me feel very sad, (which is very good) because it triggers the emotions. Very clever. No nits to offer I shall leave that to others.

Great read, thank you.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran

Seriously, Nina, a great job of contemplating the fall of the autumn leaf.

Thank you

It once nestled comfortably;  --- the 'comfortably' is a bit human, perhaps?
integral part of  
flourishing mighty oak;  --- beautiful trees (we have one 18" tall, lol)
green, vibrant, useful.  
maybe comfortably is a bit human but perhaps I want that.

--- this sounds like the leaf suffers cos the tree shuts off food, but it is actually the leaves (I think? scratching at Bio 1B memories here, lol) that 'tell' the tree as the day-length decreases. So programmed leaf-death is more of an agreement between tree and leaf

darn!  I need the idea of the tree shutting off food to the leaf rather than a mutual agreement.

--- would an extra verse on beoming part of the next year's new leaves fit? Or too much reincarnation?
definitely too much reincarnation, death is the end of the line.

I feel like I want to push the metaphor to mean something far more, but I'm not sure it works for any human condition as the leaves are so carefully recycled ...  but this has certainly got me thinking - Thanks

Don't humans when they die, return to the earth, disintegrate and turn to dust (in my head they do LOL)?

Thanks very much for reading and commenting

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Grace

This is such a detached view (excuse the pun    )on the life of an Autumn leaf, that it could be read as an allegory of wasted lives.

You have my meaning spot on, thank you.  

Apart from the first, quite gentle verse (birth) it then becomes a very matter of fact description of decline and fall.

precisely

There is so much more to read into this poem Nina.  It actually makes me feel very sad, (which is very good) because it triggers the emotions. Very clever. No nits to offer I shall leave that to others.

In a way I'm sorry it makes you feel very sad but in another I'm glad because it means I've conveyed my message and as you say triggered your emotions.  So thank you very much, your reaction means a lot to me.

Nina

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Nina

maybe comfortably is a bit human but perhaps I want that

Ah, so the idea is a metaphor then  

--- this sounds like the leaf suffers cos the tree shuts off food, but it is actually the leaves (I think? scratching at Bio 1B memories here, lol) that 'tell' the tree as the day-length decreases. So programmed leaf-death is more of an agreement between tree and leaf

darn!  I need the idea of the tree shutting off food to the leaf rather than a mutual agreement.

Well, if you ignore the biology - which most people would - then the metaphor is fine; just don't present this to a group of botanists

--- would an extra verse on beoming part of the next year's new leaves fit? Or too much reincarnation?

definitely too much reincarnation, death is the end of the line.

Darn ... that one works for me here - and I can see it with people; those who have gone before have paved the way for us, with inventions and constructions and cultural creations (language etc).

I feel like I want to push the metaphor to mean something far more, but I'm not sure it works for any human condition as the leaves are so carefully recycled ...  but this has certainly got me thinking - Thanks

Don't humans when they die, return to the earth, disintegrate and turn to dust (in my head they do LOL)?

yes, absolutely. But while they can be cast off by society with out a care the tree and its leaves have a much more involved relationship ... but, as I said, that's a biological viewpoint, and wouldn't occur to most readers (other than awkward cuss biologists)

Fran

[Guest_Jox_*]

"definitely too much reincarnation, death is the end of the line."

Not quite - don't forget the compost as we push-up the dasies. (Actually, I'd prefer to help the dafodils, if I might?)

J.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran

Thanks for coming back  :wave:

Ah, so the idea is a metaphor then  

indeed it is.  I enjoy writing allegorical poems.  :wizard:

Well, if you ignore the biology - which most people would - then the metaphor is fine; just don't present this to a group of botanists

good thing I don't know any botanists then, LOL.

Darn ... that one works for me here - and I can see it with people; those who have gone before have paved the way for us, with inventions and constructions and cultural creations (language etc).

the problem is then looking to the future at those who will be born after we've gone.  What legacy will we leave?  A planet abused, polluted, nature destroyed?

yes, absolutely. But while they can be cast off by society with out a care the tree and its leaves have a much more involved relationship ... but, as I said, that's a biological viewpoint, and wouldn't occur to most readers (other than awkward cuss biologists)

The leaf only has an involved relationship with the tree while both are useful to each other.  When the leaf's usefulness is at an end it is cast off or blown off by the wind to fall abandoned on the ground.  The same with humans, while they are useful to Society there is a two way relationship, both parties getting something from it.  However once the person is no longer useful they can be discarded without a second thought, forgotten, ignored and walked all over.  For example look at what happens to many people who have perhaps worked for a company for years.  Suddenly the company has to make cuts and that person is made redundant, the relationship is severed without a second thought by the company as to what the effect is on the person.  The same with old age, how many old people who worked all their lives, perhaps fought for their country, now that they are no longer useful, are simply forgotten and abandoned, by Society, by the Government, by their own children.

I shan't argue with awkward cuss biologists.  I'd never get anywhere. ;LOL;

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi J

Not quite - don't forget the compost as we push-up the dasies. (Actually, I'd prefer to help the dafodils, if I might?)

Go with the daffs - pushing up the daisies is far too cliched    :p

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

:)

Bore da, Nina!

J.

[Ephiny]

Hello Nina,

I really enjoyed reading this poem..firstly, as I really love autumn (apart from today as it is raining heavily with no signs of stopping anytime soon!) and so the title got my attention.  It's such a clever idea for a poem..and there are many messages here, about the leaf, and also about nature itself, the seasons and cycles which begin and end over and over (and indeed the entire cycle of life itself..)

Days shorten;
winter threatens:  
central structure
withdraws sustenance,  
discarding surplus  I could be way off topic here but I think many people in today's society would maybe empathise with these lines..I think the short sentences work really well also..there's a starkness, just like the image of the impending winter months

Great work!

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Lucie


I really enjoyed reading this poem..firstly, as I really love autumn (apart from today as it is raining heavily with no signs of stopping anytime soon! and so the title got my attention.  

Thank you, I'm pleased you enjoyed the poem.  Sorry you're suffering miserable rain.  Just to make you jealous, it has been a lovely day in London today.

It's such a clever idea for a poem..and there are many messages here, about the leaf, and also about nature itself, the seasons and cycles which begin and end over and over (and indeed the entire cycle of life itself..)

Indeed you are right, there are different messages to be read in the poem and not only about nature and seasons.

Days shorten;
winter threatens:  
central structure
withdraws sustenance,  
discarding surplus  I could be way off topic here but I think many people in today's society would maybe empathise with these lines..I think the short sentences work really well also..there's a starkness, just like the image of the impending winter months

You are spot on topic when you say many people in Society today could relate to those lines.  I hoped that would come across and I'm chuffed that you picked it up, thanks.  

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Nina

[Guest_Don_*]

I think the tree extracts most nourishment from roots than from leaves; hence the trunk discarding the no-longer-needed foliage fits poetically.  Give naturalists a  few years and they too will change.  Isn't that what science does?

Winter is typically symbolic of death.  Rebirth is a different issue that may be ignored.  

I dislike leaves being trampled as useless, but they are aren't they?

The larger metaphor I read is how human beings become discarded as outdated commodities.  Once serving the larger system in glory they suddenly become a detriment due to season change.

Don

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Don

Thanks for popping in here and commenting.

I think the tree extracts most nourishment from roots than from leaves; hence the trunk discarding the no-longer-needed foliage fits poetically.  

Thank you.

Give naturalists a  few years and they too will change.  Isn't that what science does?

indeed Science and our understanding of it is always changing.

Winter is typically symbolic of death.  Rebirth is a different issue that may be ignored.  

Absoulutely, when I was writing I had death in mind not rebirth or reincarnation.

The larger metaphor I read is how human beings become discarded as outdated commodities.  Once severing the larger system in glory they suddenly become a detriment due to season change.

Thanks an interesting interpretation which fits the poem.

Thanks once again

Nina

[Guest_Billydo_*]

Hi Nina

Blimey, this is grim. I always thought that it was grim oop North, but it sounds even grimmer darn sarf.:)

I love autumn, love the colours, but as in your poem, there does not seem to be anything attractive about the prospect of old age and the grim reaper (that g word again).

Good metaphor for the discarded aged.

Cheers

Mike