Train Journey
No excitement—
slow rotation…
wheels slip brake shoes,
dynamic motors grumble— pulse;
carriages exhale in a rush of grit and dust.
Un-tethered the silvered eel dissolves into the
black-circle of enchantment— screaming with fright.
Within the train
Sway— rattle— bounce.
We sit Rae and me, knees barely
apart— our thoughts blended silence.
Arnfinn © 2018
An enchanting picture, John. I like it.
Not sure I understand one of the images, though... the silvered eel. I may need some help with that?
Also, just a grammatical note: ... Rae and I ...
deLighting in your writing, Daniel
G'day Daniel.
Thank you for your comments--a reflection
silver eel...a silver bodied passenger train.
"me" passes the grammar test.
Regards,
John
Arnfinn - Love train poems - rhythm of the blues to me.
Within the train
Sway— rattle— bounce.
We sit Rae and me, knees barely
apart— our thoughts blended silence.
This stanza is a nice contrast to the noise going on above. Enjoyed this - RC
G'day R C
The subway, train stations, are full of action.
An easy subject to write about.
Thank you for your comments.
Regards,
John
Ah... NOW I see your silvered eel squirming along the tracks! Thanks.
but... We = Rae and I (sat).... me didn't sit!
sLightly confused, Daniel
instead of motor why not engine. You have already mentioned grit and train therefore a steam train
no mention of subways in this good poem
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