Drought Options

[JaxMyth]

..


I

We sink the corner posts first, as each defines a neighbour.
It is here where the bottom six inches are the most important.
It is here where the strength is muscled into the fence.

The heart of a fence lies in its foot.
I tamp until the bar sings of possession,
the bar bounces and writhes.

We snug the stays and tighten the wire,
each barbed note is tensioned into voice
the division sings a warning.


II

The fence cannot hold back the drought.
The sky aches blue and the sun eats green;
the earth coughs dust as rich as blood.

My bones hunker down beside the rock.
Eagles hang; wings wound into the wire,
heads nailed down by the sun.

Ribs rack a heaving fleece.
I watch my image fade
from the eye of a lamb.

[AMETHYST]

Hi Jax,

There is a lot to chew on in this poem. You've included quite a few metaphorical lines which are like trigger lines, triggering thoughts and associations that speak of something else underlying the building of a fence. In L1, 'each defines a neighbor' to me is brilliant - as the four corners, the first steps to bringing distance and 'showing' neighbors their place so to speak is defined by the putting up fences. I also wanted to commend you on so many word choices that make the imagery explode through out the poem.

What I am a bit confused about and of course it is most likely that I am not familiar with a specific connection of the two, but I cannot think of the linkage between a drought and a fence - perhaps, it is all in the metaphor of lacking graces among one another, a drought of something other than rain or water - a drought of civilities? ... I would appreciate some further look inside that connection.

Some other thoughts I had was some of the repetitions aren't working for this reader, there are also many 'THE's that can be put to better use IMO.

ALlow me to go through stanza's and perhaps point out brillant points to reference and where I would make some minor changes to improve it.

Best Regards, Liz

I

We sink the corner posts first, as each defines a neighbour.
It is here where the bottom six inches are the most important.
It is here where the strength is muscled into the fence.

L1; Of course, good use of sink/ but I really did think that 'each defines a neighbour.' was a worthy image which in my mind, implies deeper more interlocking interpretations.
L2/L3 I interpret as a dual metaphor, that these four points, these corner points are where support and articulate crafting is most important (both for building the fence and establishing boundaries and relationships with bordering neighbors, where the 'depth' and sturdiness of the materials are most important as it supports the 4 sides and how staunch against the forces of nature, both weather and human' On my first few reads, while trying to contemplate the meaning, I felt the repeat of "It is here where the - ' was unnecessary, but after making my own sense of it, I felt it was to emphasize the importance of these points. Of course I am not sure if I am right, this is how it reads to me! I felt you used excellent choice words (sink, defined, muscled) these all to me have dual meanings relative to the metaphors that keep popping up during my read.

Some nits, I like Snow's suggestion for L1, 'First we sink the corner posts, as each defines a neighbour.' Another suggestion is to try and weed out some of these 'the's -Perhpas ...

First, we sink the corner posts, as each defines a neighbour.
It is here where the bottom six inches are most important.
It is here where strength is muscled into the fence.


The heart of a fence lies in its foot.
I tamp until the bar sings of possession,
the bar bounces, writhing like a black snake in my hand.

Again, I like the word choices 'heart/foot' the connection to the body, and in my mind it reflected the relationships between neighbors - heart becoming friendly, caring being neighborly, and yet, foot - knowing where to step, old cliche' sayings come to mind... mind your step, or watch where you step, don't over step your boundaries... and yet, the duality of the line, also emphasizes the importance of exactly what holds a fence together (the heart of it) is created by being exact in how the posts are secured into the ground, too far down, offsets it, a little too high, weakens it-
Loved the word tamp

In L3, perhaps 'then bounces, writhing like a black snake in my hand.


We snug the stays and tighten the wire,
each barbed note is tensioned into voice
the division sings a warning.


I liked the duality of stays, the feeling comes in here as the narrator reinforcing both the fence and the notice that he/she is here to stay-digging heels in, making roots and going to 'stay' -

Again some of the the's aren't needed...
perhaps ..
We snug the stays and tighten wires, (or mesh wire, thick wire, cut wire something else)
each barbed note is tensioned into voice
the division sings a warning.


II

The fence cannot hold back the drought.
The sky aches blue and the sun eats green;
the earth coughs dust as rich as blood.

This is an extremely powerful stanza. L1, I am not sure if I understand it right... the drought has been drying, withering away the earth, making it brittle, weak - as well as lack of civility among neighbors? ...
Loved the images of L2/3 - This could be a poem all on its own.

Some weeding of the the's -

Our fence cannot hold back the drought-
sky aches blue, sun gets green;
earth coughs dust as rich as blood.

My bones hunker down beside the rock.
Eagles hang; wings wound into the wire,
heads nailed down by the sun.

Again, only 'the' nits -
L1, '...a rock.'
L2 ...into wire.
L3, nice...

Ribs rack a heaving fleece.
I watch my image fade
from the eye of a lamb.


Good ending. Yet. I am still a little confused. And I think it is me and my lack of worldiness-is the fence put up to house/hold/pen sheep? ...

I'll wait for further - so I can then get over my embarrassment! LOL

Best Regards, Liz