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Posted on: Nov 22 07, 00:31 |
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The frigid, ebony horizon that seldom covered the path of light and hope had been rubbed out once again this warring night. The fearless, invading blue moon freed itself from charcoal clouds that held it captive. While dancing above all living and dead, it rejoiced, beckoning to all who had once lost their way. A storm was coming, and it cared not what havoc it would bring. Caught by surprise, the ‘New World’ sign flailed incessantly in the gale force wind just above the entrance to corporate headquarters. Only a select few could access the computerized security program that allowed entrance, and even fewer actually contributed to the work the company produced. There were infallible reasons for this. Power and technology of this magnitude had to be kept under wraps at all costs. However, even the best kept secrets often find their way to the public at large. For New World, this was simply not an option. There was too much at stake to think about the consequences this could bring to ‘New World’ and the Human Race. "For Gods sake! Be careful with that," screamed assistant director of operations Ray Densmore. "That piece of equipment is worth more than you'll ever earn; if it falls you better make damn sure it lands on you!" he shouted at the delivery operatives who had accompanied their cargo from the experimental research laboratory C.E.R.N in Switzerland. Densmore, with his five thousand dollar Armani suit and his manicured nails was not accustomed to overseeing deliveries at airports, but director Metteur had insisted he take charge of this one. Densmore had no idea what was in this massive aluminum crate, which was about the same size as two telephone boxes and weighed at least three tons but as he looked around at the substantial security detail armed with Uzis, he assumed it was very valuable. It had taken the best part of an hour to load the crate onto the truck; the journey to New World would take another two. Densmore almost jumped out of his skin as a crack of thunder was unleashed overhead; the weather was turning for the worse. He wouldn't feel at ease until they had this damned crate safely inside the New World facility. What the hell was it anyway? he wondered as the truck and its escort pulled away. The wind shifted, a weak straight-line smacked Densmore, lifting the front edge of his expensive toupee. A glossy-nailed hand streaked up and pressed it back into place. Across the street, a black car revved its engine. The blond at the wheel threw her head back in laughter at the primping, prancing man who held his hair in place. She turned the steering wheel, smoothly bringing her vehicle onto the street and blowing Densmore a pouty kiss as she went by. He pressed his hair even harder, his fingertips turning white. Even in the cloudy darkness of the night, you could see his face was red. Densmore's neck hairs suddenly perked up as if an arctic blast had just hit him squarely in the face, despite his flushing pink tone. “Yeah, baby! Here’s a kiss right back at ya.” He met her passing gaze with his own, gyrated his crotch in her direction and then flipped the bird. Why do I keep seeing her everywhere I turn? He mumbled under his fetid Starbuck’s latte breath, the only remnant of warmth cycling through his frigid bones. Surely, she was a figment of his hellfire heydays from decades too far past to recall with any certainty? Riding the surges toward an impending storm drain, his empty cup floated away, as did his memory of her. Climbing into the cab of the delivery van, which reeked of cigarettes and stale coffee, Densmore eased his ample, Armani covered butt onto the cold vinyl seat as the howling wind was joined by sheets of rain nearly blotting out any sight of the huge armored sedans escorting them back to New World. “Damn”, he thought! The trip would be much nicer if he were behind the wheel of his Rolls setting on soft leather instead of this sewer of a cab, but Metteur had insisted he ride with the cargo. Why in hell did it have to be the middle of the night, through driving rain; and why did the crate have to be shipped to some God forsaken airport in the suburbs where, it seemed, that damn blonde had been waiting for him. The small convoy had been on the road for a few miles when Densmore cringed in disgust as the big burley driver of the van reached into his shirt pocket to pull out a pack of Picayune cigarettes and lit one up, breathing a heavy sigh of satisfaction after the first puff. “Put that damn thing out”, he said to the driver; “I’ll report this incident to your superiors!” The driver, with a smug look on his face, turned to Densmore and sneered, “I don’t have any! I own the transport company, the van you’re sitting in, the escorts in front of us and all the boys in them security outfits work for me! New World contracted me to haul your damn crate, not to take any smart-mouthed lip from some flunky. If you don’t like my smoke, open a window and shut up or I’ll stop this van and let you ride in the back with your cargo.” The rain was still coming down at a blinding slant and the storm seemed to have gained strength since their departure from the airport so, with a sheepish look on his face, hiding his impotent rage, Densmore shut up, stared at the driving rain, and flinched at each flash of lightening. The glare of headlights caught the corner of Densmore’s eyes from a side street moments before the big tractor-trailer rig hit the front of the van, spinning it out of control. Densmore, shaken up by the crash, saw what seemed like twenty or so men emerge from the darkness carrying automatic weapons and there, in the middle of it all was that damn blonde again, standing on the street corner like she was directing traffic. Apparently, the escort drivers had seen the same professional precision of the ambush and sped off into the night. Belatedly, after seeing the van’s driver with his hands high above his head, and the little red lights from the laser sights centered on his and the driver’s chest, Densmore followed suit. Ten minutes later, New World’s mysterious crate was busted open right before his eyes and its contents were loaded into the back of the tractor-trailer. Under the headlights, as the thieves were carrying something that looked like a stainless steel coffin past the cab of the van, Densmore saw the acronym C.E.R.N. spelled out. What was a Criminal Examination, Retention and Nullification Module 1A and who the hell was that blonde?", Densmore thought, as the taillights of the big rig disappeared into the blackness, followed by the black sedan with the blonde's arm out the window, returning his gesture from earlier that night. The remainder of the trip back to New World in the crippled van was a living nightmare for Densmore. Thoughts raced through his head about the ambush, the lost cargo, the damn blonde and how Director Metteur would react to the bad news. Through the weakening storm, he saw the top stories of the imposing tower of New World draped in black clouds which matched his mood and, he thought, his impending meeting with the director. Sure enough, there was Metteur and a contingent of armed guards waiting on the delivery dock as they drove up and parked. The menacing scowl on the director's face was heightened by the lights of the dock which were still swaying in the wind. Metteur knew something was wrong when he saw the smashed front end of the van and his apprehension grew when they did not back into the dock to deliver his precious cargo. Don Sutherland sits in the shade outside a small Parisienne cafe sipping a beer and waiting for his wife to return from her shopping trip. The display on the billboard-size digital thermometer on the building across the street says it's 12:40 pm and 39 degrees Celsius. Don raises an eyebrow as a waiter approaches him with a telephone, he is surprised when the voice on the phone is a man's and not his wife's. Hello "Hey Don, its Sal..."Are you kidding? Look...I'm on my honeymoon, the first time in five years me and Severine have had some time together and you... "Don, I'm sorry, listen, it's Morrison, we think he's back. In fact, I'm sure he is, but nothing's official yet. I thought you'd want to know.Jesus!!...Get me a flight out of here in the next hour, I'm coming back. "The jet's already fueled and waiting for you, but your not coming back, your going to Switzerland"Fine... Damn it, Sev wont be happy, are you sure it's him? "It's got all the trademarks, you did say, no matter what the hour, if he ever showed up again, to call you, and I'm certain it's him."Thanks, you did the right thing Sal, who else are you sending? (another phone call, Sal calls Don's old partner (a female , sexual tension, mutual dislike, trying to put all that behind her, cant say no) I'll be back!!!! . |
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Forum: Weekly Challenges -> Acropolis
· Post Preview: #104459
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Posted on: Nov 21 07, 23:05 |
Laureate Legionnaire
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Yum-Yum!! I'l be back, just wanted to say that I absolutely relished every syllable of this, so many strong points, just enough alliteration, lovely use of inner rhyme and I love.... QUOTE He is within a moment of the very spot on which she turned him away those long years ago…
heartsong7 I'll be back but thank-you for taking my passive 'whatever' mood and making it a very happy one PS> I think your fast becoming my favorite poet... well, after Yeats and Heaney. Best Wishes . |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #104458
· Replies: 11
· Views: 3,838
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Posted on: Nov 10 07, 05:57 |
Laureate Legionnaire
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From: Co. Galway, Ireland
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. spring rain- the gradual stop...ping . |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun...
· Post Preview: #104205
· Replies: 1
· Views: 3,709
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Posted on: Nov 10 07, 05:37 |
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Hi Liz, Thanks so very much for your in-depth and beautiful reply. I'm delighted that my 'lille poem incited such a reaction in you. Because these ku' are supposed to leave the work up to the reader they are often/always open to different interpretations, and each is valid. I think the most important meaning is the one the reader finds. Yours and mine are quite close though Cheers !! . |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun...
· Post Preview: #104204
· Replies: 2
· Views: 3,883
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Posted on: Nov 5 07, 21:39 |
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whispering to me "I'm here" sunshine
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun...
· Post Preview: #104154
· Replies: 2
· Views: 3,883
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Posted on: Nov 5 07, 21:10 |
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Hey Merlin, Long time no see Thanks for taking the time to read and reply, which I know is a rarity so cheers!!! Line breaks, lol, "white space"...you know what I mean though??? Ummm, centering is my favorite format, I just like it that way, no other reason. Carlton Cards..my hero, LOL, yeah, that too... QUOTE a whisper doubles urged Yeah, I suppose that line makes no sense without the enjambment, before and after: with rasping breath a whisper doubles urged intent and still... To explain, this part of the poem lets the reader use their imagination (I hope), what could she be whispering with her rasping breath that would double both effort and urge...it's up to you !!! Ok, chat you later Merlin, a pleasure as always Cheers! . |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #104153
· Replies: 10
· Views: 4,319
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Posted on: Nov 5 07, 20:51 |
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QUOTE (Rosemerta @ Nov 6 07, 01:14 ) [snapback]104143[/snapback] Hello, Terocon,
Normally I prefer the breaks but for some reason I liked your second version better but with leaving off the first 'still'.
Your poem is short enough to go well either way.
~~ Jackie Hi Jackie, (you can call me Terry) Thanks for your suggestions. I had a few problems with this, in relation to how the read flows, it's almost impossible to gauge from my POV. I read it as I want it to sound and not as it is. Am I making any sense here, lol ??? I'll keep your suggestions to the fore when I revise, thanks again. Best Wishes . |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #104150
· Replies: 10
· Views: 4,319
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Posted on: Nov 5 07, 09:52 |
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. One
Tender, yet fierce in love, her touch would softly grasp this heart, with rasping breath a whisper doubles urged intent and still...
still her raging eyes meet mine, All Yours, they say
...a lie so true, the hurt so sweet, too deep to feel but one can know and now it's you and I. Or, no line breaks ????? One
Tender, yet fierce in love, her touch would softly grasp this heart, with rasping breath a whisper doubles urged intent and still ...still her raging eyes meet mine, All Yours, they say. A lie so true, the hurt so sweet, too deep to feel but one can know and now it's you and I. . . |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #104125
· Replies: 10
· Views: 4,319
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Posted on: Nov 5 07, 09:37 |
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Hey Alan, Yeah I'm fairly poor at 'pirate-phonetic spelling' but perhaps your right...what if I leave stanza 2 in dialect and return the rest to the original format, ie; Shivered
When the night fell there was I in the dark, and although all alone, errie voices did hark, saying;
Na'er be a tinking dat tis' all in yer ed, fer t-night an fer all noights ye lie wit da ded!
Such the shock and the terror of what I'd been told that I shook and I trembled as me life's blood ran cold.
On that moonless black night, for miles could be heard, me last earthly screams being ripped from this world. Thanks for that, let me know how this version sits with you, it's mostly format tweaks. Best Wishes . |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #104124
· Replies: 4
· Views: 2,469
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Posted on: Nov 5 07, 09:20 |
Laureate Legionnaire
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Thanks Cleo, yes, all of a sudden my posting's have become very decorative with all those sparkling tiles below. It takes quite a bit of work and effort, and I don't mean from me, thanks to everyone for all there help and guidance, "you know who you are", LOL. On a side-note, although I thought I had written quite a few haiku before arriving here at MM, I hadn't really written any at all, I learned a lot after my first haiku posting and it sparked a real interest which has taken over from writing free-verse(mostly). I recently submitted a ku to The Irish Haiku Society which they published in their Shamrock collection. yellow petals the butterfly disappears I may send out a few more now, thanks... Best Wishes Thanks Jly, your words are too kind. Best Wishes . |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Forum Awards -> Great Wall of...
· Post Preview: #104123
· Replies: 3
· Views: 9,258
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Posted on: Nov 4 07, 15:26 |
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. What a great surprise Thanks Cleo and everybody! "Also I'd like to thank my first grade English teacher Miss. Heaney who first sparked my interest in....bla bla bla...(3 hours later)... ...and finally I'd like to thank the dog and all the little people who made this possible" Cheers. . |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #104089
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· Views: 20,108
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Posted on: Nov 1 07, 21:51 |
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Hi Ace,
Nice to meet you.
The form is "western haiku" I suppose. Syllable count is less important than the (5-7-5)traditional Japanese haiku, although less than 17(usually 12 or so) is the norm.
My effort is not traditional at all, although it contains a kigo(ref to season) ie. "a gust of leaves" suggests Autumn, (open to interpretation) it mentions a human act 'midnight stroll' traditionally that means it's a senyru.
Sorry if I've bored you, this was really just a fun piece for Holloween but I could talk about this form till Christmas, even though I'm only a newbie to the art.
Delighted you enjoyed, looking forward to dealing with you again and I hope you enjoy the site and its many brilliant inhabitants.
Best Wishes.
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun...
· Post Preview: #103998
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Posted on: Nov 1 07, 21:23 |
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Hi Cleo, Thanks for your reaction. LOL, hope I didnt scare you. Best Wishes !!! . |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun...
· Post Preview: #103997
· Replies: 6
· Views: 14,787
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Posted on: Oct 19 07, 20:54 |
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Hey Cleo, Hope your having a good time on your break... Glad you found the revision an improvement... I look forward to your return. Chat you later... Best wishes. . |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #103733
· Replies: 12
· Views: 4,045
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Posted on: Oct 19 07, 20:22 |
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QUOTE (ohsteve @ Oct 18 07, 13:57 ) [snapback]103677[/snapback] Terry.. I love the first verse, I should say the first version of this ...shiver me timbers, it be sendin' a chill up me spine...lol...great stuff.... Steve Ar-Oi !!! Thanks Steve, Mission accomplished... Not sure about me pirate dialect though??? . |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #103727
· Replies: 4
· Views: 2,469
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Posted on: Oct 16 07, 02:44 |
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QUOTE Hi Terry, what a lovely poem! One Q for you: Do you want to keep the stanzas as structured now, 4 lines each? I ask because in some fv poems I read, they are usually not structured quite so formally in this way. I'll offer some snips and as always, please take or toss my suggestions below as you wish. Cheers ~Cleo [add] {delete} (comment) In {soft} fading light, Ok, due to popular demand, trimmers employed!!!!one autumn's evening (suggest changing to eve) Really. eve, I've wanted to use that in place of evening so many times..but I think of 'eve' in terms of 'day before' and not an abbv. of evening???????he stands {by the} [beside] still water's edge. Before him [,]{are} just footsteps, beyond now, a place; (moved these down) he calls it ...never again. Interesting opening, I want to read more to learn of this place and of him.{On a} [One] warm spring morn Too many 'one's' or not enough??? Not sure!!!...Considering.{with} [beneath] a blue-blue sky (moved down) they walk in a dazzling gleam, (suggest a colon or semi-colon here) I need to read-up on my punctuation.together in shine, together in shade nothing comes between. Lovely! I wont disagree One white-glistened day, in winter's chill her tears (moved the words slightly here) freeze on {the} ice. A remembered time echoes there, (or Echoes of time remembered there) Not sure of the enjambment wit your suggestion here??.in its warmth...the worth of pain. (do you mean warmth?) Yes, thanks.Here, I suggest a substitute for the word worth to make it more passionate, perhaps 'sacrifice of pain'? Yup! 'Worth' is totally wrong, I like where your going with alternative proposals.You've given us a glimpse of three seasons, do you think you'd add one more for summer? Hi Cleo,
First of all, very sharp of you to pick up on the seasonal aspect. As for the reason for the omitting of summer, actually it is there (kinda), it was the reason the character was lamenting in the first place; 'fading light', he believed that his 'summer' was behind him...little did he know eh??? We cant judge our future on our past(debatable???).
Do I want to keep the structure ??? Not particularly, depends on what your proposing I guess As for what the norms of structure are, or what is expected in this form/forum...no comment!!! ... Kidding, but I do take the term 'free-verse' quite literally...even though it may not look like it. I am open to suggestions on format and structure and everything, I'd be a fool not to when dealing with the residents of 'The Mosaic'...
I've actually tried to revise this one on many occasions, but cant quite get it right. I'll usually post some fairly raw/rough stuff but not making any headway here this time...apologies to all concerned...revision soon...and with EVERYONES suggestions to the fore of my mind.
Gonna give it another go, thanks for reminding me of this one. I hadn't surrendered really, not consciencely anyway!!!
Chat you soon...
Best Wishes
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #103625
· Replies: 12
· Views: 4,045
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Posted on: Oct 14 07, 12:37 |
Laureate Legionnaire
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. Shivered
Wen da night fell der wiz I in da dark, an although all alone, eeerrie voices did 'ark; sain, Na'er be a tinking dat tis' all in yer ed, fer t-night an fer all noights ye lie wit da ded!
Such da shock an da terror o what I bin told, dat I shook an I trembled as me life's blood ran cold.
On dat moonless black noight fer moiles could be 'eard, me las eartly screams bein rip'd o dis world.
ORIGINAL Shivered
When the night fell there was I in the dark and although all alone errie voices did hark, saying;
"Na'er be a thinking that 'tis all in your head for tonight and for all nights you lie with the dead"
Such the shock and the terror of what I'd been told, that I shook and I trembled, as my life's blood ran cold.
On that moonless black night, for miles could be heard, my last earthly screams being ripped from this world.
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #103592
· Replies: 4
· Views: 2,469
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