Blessed Bushbuck, :wolf: Options

[Peterpan]

Hello Reader~

We recently had the pleasure of being guests at a private reserve called Welgevonden in the Waterberg (water mountain) area north of Johannesburg. The bush is dense and thick because of the abundance of torrential rain this latter summer. We did not see a lot of animals because of the easy availability of water everywhere and substantial bush. You might say that the area, at present, is true to its name! Because the animals are fenced-in (approx.50 thousand hectares) the conservationists are afraid that the animals may lack certain minerals. There are salt licks distributed at calculated intervals in the bush. They are large bricks of salt. Obviously they are also strategically placed so that the animals are drawn out of the bush and visible to the guests – especially near the lodges.

This is small look at Africa.  

PP


1st Edit with the assistance of Nina!



Blessed Bushbuck

Cautiously, hoofed,
she silently tilts
down rocky hillside;
heart nervously beating,
eyes toward salt lick.

Looking, licking,
pale tongue
slides between
teeth, past furry lips;
satisfyingly salty.

Leaves crackle!
Alerted, she retreats,
hiding in overgrowth;
confidently resumes
quest for fulfilment.

Walking warily
to flowing water
she crouches down
ingesting; scrutinizing
dangerous environment.

Lurking below surface
yellow eyes bulging,
a crocodile lingers.
He leaps, clamps, pulls;
water runs red.



Original

Blessed Bushbuck

Cautiously, hoofed,
she silently tilts
down rocky hillside,
heart nervously beating,
eyes toward salt lick.

Looking, licking,
pale tongue
sliding between
teeth, past furry lips;
satisfyingly salty.

Leaves crackle!
Alerted, she retreats,
hiding in overgrowth;
confidently resumes
quest for fulfilment.

Walking warily
to flowing water
she crouches down
ingesting; scrutinizing
dangerous environment.

Lurking in water -
yellow eyes bulging,
a crocodile lingers,
he leaps, clamps, pulls
the water runs red.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Bev

Thanks for giving us a glimpse of life in the bush.  A vivid story Nature's food chain.  I've never heard of a bushbuck before.

A few thoughts:

Blessed Bushbuck

Cautiously, hoofed,  
she silently tilts
down rocky hillside{,}[;]
heart nervously beating,
eyes toward salt lick.

for some reason I keep wanting to read this verse as:

Cautiously, hoofed animal  
silently tilts
down rocky hillside,
heart nervously beating,
eyes toward salt lick


Looking, licking,
pale tongue
{sliding}[slides] between
teeth, past furry lips;  ..great image
satisfyingly salty.

Leaves crackle!
Alerted, she retreats,
hiding in overgrowth;
confidently resumes
quest for fulfilment.

Walking warily
to flowing water
she crouches down
ingesting; scrutinizing
dangerous environment.

Lurking {in water}[below surface] -  you have already used water in the verse above and use it again in the last line.
yellow eyes bulging,
a crocodile lingers{,}[.]
{h[H]e leaps, clamps, pulls[;]
{the} water runs red.

thanks for the read

Nina

[Peterpan]

Hello Nina~

Your comments and advice is appreciated! I have just posted an edit.

PP

:)

[Cleo_Serapis]

WOW Bev!

This is quite remarkable. I felt as if I were there watching in the bush.

I wouldn't change a thing.

This one  :sings: !

You go girl!
~Cleo  :cloud9:

[Peterpan]

Thank you Cleo!

Thank you so much!

PP

:D :D

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Bev!

Thanks for a peek into the 'wilds' of Africa!

Cautiously, hoofed,
she silently tilts
down rocky hillside; I keep thinking ... 'she silently manuevers rocky hillside;'
heart nervously beating,
eyes toward salt lick. eyes 'coveting' salt lick ... to show the strong desire for it?

Looking, licking,
pale tongue
slides between
teeth, past furry lips;
satisfyingly salty. Good image!

Leaves crackle!
Alerted, she retreats,
hiding in overgrowth;
confidently resumes
quest for fulfilment. Tension builds and then disappears, yet she remains cautious ...

Walking warily
to flowing water
she crouches down[,]
ingesting; scrutinizing
dangerous environment.

Lurking below surface
yellow eyes bulging,
a crocodile lingers.
He leaps, clamps, pulls;
water runs red. Ouch! Yet, not cautious enough! What a horrible thought! Sadly, such is the way of life isn't it? Even for humans, if we aren't careful and watch around us, someone will get the better of us.

Thanks for the read!
Cathy

[Peterpan]

Hi Bev!

Thanks for a peek into the 'wilds' of Africa!

Cautiously, hoofed,
she silently tilts
down rocky hillside; I keep thinking ... 'she silently manuevers rocky hillside;'
heart nervously beating,
eyes toward salt lick. eyes 'coveting' salt lick ... to show the strong desire for it?

Looking, licking,
pale tongue
slides between
teeth, past furry lips;
satisfyingly salty. Good image!

Leaves crackle!
Alerted, she retreats,
hiding in overgrowth;
confidently resumes
quest for fulfilment. Tension builds and then disappears, yet she remains cautious ...

Walking warily
to flowing water
she crouches down[,]
ingesting; scrutinizing
dangerous environment.

Lurking below surface
yellow eyes bulging,
a crocodile lingers.
He leaps, clamps, pulls;
water runs red. Ouch! Yet, not cautious enough! What a horrible thought! Sadly, such is the way of life isn't it? Even for humans, if we aren't careful and watch around us, someone will get the better of us.

Thanks for the read!
Cathy

Hello Cathy~

I missed your posting. Thank you for reading my poem. We travel to the wild bush very often. When I was younger I did not like going to the bush. But, now I love it! As violent as it is, it is so natural.

I will look at your suggestions. And do a revision. Sorry I have been slow!

With appreciation.

PP