Last Lyrics - revised from "Last Words", Italian Sonnet Variant Options

[Larry]

I would like to preface this submission with a note that this poem is being submitted to the John Lennon Poetry Competition in Liverpool for the celebration of 70 years from his birth and 30 years from his untimely death. If you care to participate by submitting a poem of your own, the particulars may be found at this link: John Lennon Competition

Revised 9/14/10

Last Lyrics

What could I sing to you today? Explain
how meaning’s shadow slips behind each word
eluding minds; but then impales the heart?
A simple message from some soft refrain
breathes life into a thought that’s never heard…
as understanding fades. Let me impart

that life subsides to never could have been
with careless steps into the wrong unknown.
Regret the brevity in life and love
but live each day until it turns to when.
As soul and heart are laid bare to the bone,
new songs ascend into the light. What of

my legacy in lilting epigram?
I’m touching you with mem’ries. Yes… I am!






Last Words

What could I sing to you today? Explain
how meaning’s shadow slips behind each word,
or hides from minds and then impales the heart?
A simple message from some soft refrain
breathes life into a thought that’s never heard,
for understanding fades. Let me impart

that life subsides to never could have been
with single steps into the wrong unknown.
Regret the brevity in life and love
but live each day until it turns to when.
As soul and heart are laid bare to the bone,
new songs ascend into the light. What of

my legacy in lilting epigram?
I’m touching you with memories. Yes… I am!

[heartsong7]

Hi Larry,
I'm coming in late on this and it looks like some excellent critique and your revisions have made a good sonnet even better. I'm confused by revision date. typo?

two teeny things caught my eye that you might consider:
If I'm understanding your intent correctly, I think
to never could have been would benefit with being hyphenated, since you are treating the entire phrase as a particular state.

Also, if the couplet were combined form an octet, it would be more visually appealing.

that life subsides to-never-could-have-been
with careless steps into the wrong unknown.
Regret the brevity in life and love
but live each day until it turns to when.
As soul and heart are laid bare to the bone,
new songs ascend into the light. What of
my legacy in lilting epigram?
I’m touching you with mem’ries. Yes… I am!

a well stated and interesting sonnet.
I enjoyed the premise and the delivery.
Sue