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Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 12 04, 04:41

Senryu is a short form of poetry identical in construction to haiku: (three lines with 17 or fewer syllables with a cut after the first or second line forming two related snapshots of an experience of reality), but is generally about human foibles, while haiku references nature. Senryu need not include a kigo, or season word, like haiku (though it seems that much of modern English haiku tends toward senryu; that is, unlike traditional Japanese haiku, it may not necessarily adhere to the 5-7-5 syllable form which may be suitable in Japanese, but which tends to produce long or stilted language in English). A simple rule seems to be, Take a deep breath and read all three lines... cut and all.

I'll offer a couple of examples of my own, however inadequate. Perhaps someone with greater stature would like to add greater insight to this thread.

How I love thee
with breadth, length, depth and height…
but who counts the days?

© MLee Dickens'son 11 Oct 2004


feeling seventeen
your heart pounds out senryu;
you just can’t beat it

© MLee Dickens'son 14 Feb 2004

By the way, I understand that they're often with a bit of humor, so I don't think I'm desecrating the form if I wink a bit.

sharin' a bit o' de Light, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Oct 12 04, 16:22

Hi Daniel,    

Thank you for kicking this off and explaining the basic concept of senryu.

Ah! The lovely Christina Rosetti!.

Here is one I have had published.

newsprint to footprint
banner headlines recycled,
bag lady moves on

Following in your footprints Daniel.  

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 12 04, 16:42

Ah, I love your piece, Grace.  Footprints indeed!  So now you're going to have to educate me regarding one Christina Rosetti?  I must plead ignorance, I'm afraid!

clawprints spread out 'neath
aged, unread, dimming eyes;
reflection on dusk

dim in de Light, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Oct 12 04, 16:58

Hello Daniel,

I thought you were paraphrasing Christina Rosetti's "How do I love thee?"

One of my favourite romantic poems  

Next up  

my visitor gone;
I find a few grapes  
in the bottom of the bag

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 12 04, 21:10

No wonder I was confused, Grace.  You have quoted Elizabeth Barrett Browning... and my piece DID allude to that very sonnet of hers.  I still have yet to read your Christina Rosetti.  Once you uncross your wires, you'll still have to educate me.  I've not read much of EBB yet either, but I hope to in time.  May as well add CR to what I need to read!

Here's my follow-up katauta to yours [ See Cleo's Tile re Mondo et al. ]

who'd have de-vined it?
my hungry guest stripped me
of all my grape juice

squeezing myself Lightly, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Oct 13 04, 16:49

Thank you Daniel,  

Have been to Cleo's tile and educated myself a little more.  

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 14 04, 12:29

Should we put ours together in a Mondo in Cleo's tile, Grace?

wearing stretch tutus
greying dancers shuffle;
time for canasta

... and you still must educate me on Ms Rosetti!  I have a former counselee who was a Rosetti... and a man with gangster connections who once threatened my life (who's now deat) who was a Rosetti... and a sister-in-law who was a Rosetti.  None of them ever wrote poetry to my knowledge.

deLightingly, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Oct 14 04, 16:33

Hi Daniel,

Well I have read up on Mondo/Katauta and the formula would seem to be

a question 5-7-7(onji or syllables)= one katauta
followed by and answer 5-7-7 (Onji or syllables)= another katauta

the whole being a Mondo.



If so I must adjust my last piece to read

If I have that right Daniel, it's over to you. I wait with baited breath.

As for the Rosettis - a very interesting family, far too much info to relate here so have added a link for you.

http://44.1911encyclopedia.org/R/RO/ROSSETTI_CHRISTINA_GEORGINA.htm



Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 15 04, 08:24

I think those thistles
are really hairy goosebumps;
they need wooly underwear

P.S.

why are we posting
in this new senryu tile?
don't katauta want Mondo?

[ You can copy and paste this in Mondo/Sedoka, if you like-- with your response, of course... and we can continue bantering there!   ]

Meanwhile, back to senryu:

some reason o’er rhyme;
there's neither rhyme nor reason
why some endures time

Posted by: Cybele Oct 15 04, 11:19

Hi Daniel,

Very clever piece and very true!

On a more serious note:

her exploring hand
encounters a  pea-sized lump;
new born infant wakes

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 15 04, 11:33

what a pregnant piece!  I could mean MANY things!

fingers unfurl fire
stored up in solitary,
igniting passion

Lightly, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Oct 15 04, 15:57

Aah! Daniel,  

her exploring hand
encounters a  pea-sized lump;
new born infant wakes


'Twas more serious than that.  The lady who had just given birth was discovering a cancerous lump in her breast.  Sounds morbid?? Unfortunately it happens far too often.

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 15 04, 16:56

I hope my response wasn't too insensitive, my good friend.  I thought that was exactly what it was...

but your language lends itself to several very different directions. I really meant that as a compliment.  It's a rememkable little gem you've written.

... and I meant 'pregnant' in the 'huge idea' sense as well as my insufferable word-play.

sLightly embarrassed, Daniel  :blush21:

when he's serious
no one seems to believe him;
his eyes still sparkle

Posted by: Cybele Oct 16 04, 02:02

Good Morning Daniel,

Oh! No, I wasn't at all upset by your words my friend, I just thought that I had missed getting across the true interpretation of the piece; I thought I hadn't explained it enough.  

I think a woman reader would have understood straight away - I'm sorry, I didn't consider that it wouldn't immediately be clear to a man.

Nothing to forgive my friend.

This has happened to a few friends of mine and it is so hard to understand the devastating effect it would have on the mother of a young child.


Love

Grace

Posted by: Cybele Oct 16 04, 02:05

Hi Daniel,

Love this piece. Just keep those eyes sparkling. The best cure for all ills is laughter

Love

Grace
[b]

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 16 04, 02:43

I'm pleased that I had not offended, Grace... and again, I DID understand your meaning on the second read or so... before I responded... but again, your excellent piece is worthy of many reads, with many interpretations.  It's a remarkable poem.

... and wow, I am pleased that you like my little sparklin' bauble too!

sLightly sparkled, blushing, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Oct 18 04, 04:07

Hi Daniel,  

I seem to be pre-occupied with dogs at present. Don't they make great hot water bottles?

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 18 04, 05:37

touching piece, Grace!

Would you bite me if I suggested swithching (not with a willow!) the first and third lines?

go cut a long willow wisp...
be sure it's long and sturdy;
prep for punishment

sLightly shivering at the memory, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Oct 18 04, 06:25

Hello Daniel,  

Great idea. It's a done deal Daniel!

QUOTE

go cut a long willow wisp...
be sure it's long and sturdy;
prep for punishment

Ouch! Don't forget the book down the trousers!!

Might I suggest to avoid repetition

go cut a fresh willow wisp...
be sure it's long and sturdy;
prep for punishment



Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 18 04, 08:02

I've now booked my trip
to my woodshed discipline;
glad you saved my seat

Lightly, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Oct 19 04, 04:04

My pleasure Daniel,

I had four sons and know the consequences of switches, (well in their case it was a slipper from their house master! )

Happy Tuesday!

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 19 04, 05:03

delightful image here, Grace...

Note, however that your last line perhaps needs a hyphen, since it's not the fly-cloud that hops, but the fly that cloud-hops, I assume?

... and I think that distracted needs a semicolon rather than a comma?

contraction...
iamble far to often
I suppose  


deLightingly, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Oct 19 04, 05:35

Good to see you up and about Daniel,

I have been up for 5 hours now, soon be time for lunch!

Right on Maestro!

All your assumptions are correct and I will toddle off and correct them now. Don't want a detention ~ I'm getting peckish!

Well, there's no answer to that my friend

Back after a snack.

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 19 04, 05:45

de tension...
when your behind must stay put
for attention

Posted by: Cybele Oct 21 04, 03:49

Priceless Daniel!

moonshine;
I follow turtle tracks  
across deserted beach

Love Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 21 04, 07:42

Thanks, Grace... you know I couldn't resist that one... any more than I could resist this to your neat little heads-up package:

moonshine:
cop losing turbo's tracks
on rocks deserting beach

deLightfully, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Oct 22 04, 05:09

Okay my fiend, (no, not a typo! )  

You play the comic, I'll play the straight guy/gal.

bleak winter's night:
in the sleeping hamlet  
a dog howls

I can almost see your reply to this one Daniel!!  

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 22 04, 06:28

umm... uhhhh...  I bet you weren't expecting this, no matter how straight you keep your face:

in a frigid Light, Daniel

Perhaps this, however may be more tasteful?

tender silvered blades
genuflect to usurper;
Jack Frost spreads his robe

still frigid, but perhaps in a better Light, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Oct 22 04, 06:52

Hi Daniel  :sun:

Sorry Daniel, I only understand the first line of this but suspect the rest is rather unpleasant? Alluding to poor food supplies?

QUOTE

tender silvered blades
genuflect to usurper;
Jack Frost spreads his robe

This is so beautiful Daniel.

loosed by Winter’s bow
skein of Canada Geese heading south;
feathered arrows

Love

Grace

Posted by: Eisa Oct 22 04, 07:24

Hi daniel and Cybele

I have just noticed this senyru thread and thought I'd join in, as I have written a few which I think are senryu.

This is one I think Daniel has read before


tears can bathe the soul;
cleansing rivulets will heal,
life’s dirt washed away.

deep scars may remain
where festering sores have burst;
time will overcome.


Hope I've done it right!


Snow

Posted by: Cybele Oct 22 04, 11:19

Yipee,    :dance:  Snow's come out to play,

Lovely to see you here Eisa.

You know that both pieces have touched my heart Eisa, beautiful!

Love Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 24 04, 22:23

wounds may disappear
with tender love’s oversight;
healing takes its time

Posted by: Cybele Oct 25 04, 00:16

[b]Good morning Daniel,

Thank you for the lovely thought. First thing I saw this morning.

blind beggar;
stick tapping on stones
worn by its touch

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 25 04, 02:18

Thank you, my friend!  

... and I feel this piece painfully clearly, but try as I might, I cannot see the meaning of the last line...tap, tap, tap ???

Fine Lady, he yields,
me worn old rememberer
feels numbed by your lines

Lightly, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Oct 25 04, 03:39

Sorry Daniel,  

I woke at 4.30am and couldn't get back to sleep. This was a very early posting and I put in the wrong words from my workpad.

I have now changed it. Hope it reads better?    

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 25 04, 06:31

I KNEW there must have been something amiss, Grace.  Thank you for substantiating further my confidence in your clarity!  

Now you can share with me the nuance of specifying one Bizet?  I'm sure that's special in some way.  K?

Here's my impressionistic follow-up:

dazed by trazodone,
grey cheeks mirror cold window;
breakfast with Eileen

Lightly unshaven, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Oct 25 04, 07:40

Hello Daniel,

This is oh, so poignant Daniel. Is it based on truth? It speaks to me of a very tender love for Eileen. Hauntingly beautiful.

Now to Georges Bizet. I love opera Daniel and I have a CD of Bizet's 'Carmen' with my favourite singer Placido Domindo singing the lead role of Don Jose.  My sons built me a summer house in my minuscule back garden and on sunny mornings I love to sit in the  sunshine drinking coffee and listening to that glorious voice. The summerhouse faces due East so I am bathed in sunshine from about 6am onwards. It is my haven of peace.

Singapore monsoon;
barefoot in the garden
I wash my hair

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 25 04, 08:14

Thank you so much, Grace.  Yes, it was the very moment as I was writing, just before moving into the kitchen to actually see my unshaven face in the window while eating a cheese omelet with wheat toast and apricot preserves, while Eileen had her raisin bran. We had apple juice... and I generally don't drink coffee at home, but am in charge of the coffee pot at work.

Your 'summer house' sounds enchanting. Might I assume that it is not what we'd call a 'house'?  Whatever it is, it sounds downright enchanting!

... and your Sing-a-pour piece is even more enchanting.  I think you've almost slipped quite wonderfully into haiku... as I believe you did a few senryu back.  Whether you did or not, it's a beautiful piece of poetry... and the form is identical!

donning Army greys
he stares down a brisk fall wind;
window keeps him warm

sLightly snug, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Oct 26 04, 12:40

Hello Daniel,

I am intrigued by this piece Daniel. I see this as someone getting into uniform and staring out of the window before venturing into the cold day ?

Do I assume you are in what we call over here the Territorial Army (or Army Reserve i.e a week-end soldier?)

African village:
child carries the moon home
in a  rusty bucket

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 26 04, 14:26

<font color='#000000'>Thank you for the response, Grace.  I'm glad that the piece engenders that picture as well as the one that I intended... only slightly different.

The Army greys are the workout or PT (Pysical Training) uniform.  I find it quite comfortable to wear about the house, so I had donned the long-sleeve set and was portraying myself as though I was literally staring down the wind ready to head into it on a run... but actually staring at it through the warmth of a window... kind of as in your summer house... and going nowhere.

Here in the US there is the Regular or Active Army, the Army Reserve, and the Army National Guard.  The latter, though part of the "One Army" system is also capable of being activated by each state at the will of the governor for State Active Duty... which often happens during disasters, floods, etc.  

Over 3000 from our NJ Army National Guard, however, are presently serving on Active Duty in places like Iraq, Eastern Europe, Afghanistan and the Sinai, plus here guarding bases and such in the U.S.  I am the only NJ Army Guard chaplain stateside from NJ at present besides one who serves on "Title 10" Active duty at Ft. Dix nearby.  The others are with their troops overseas or training to go there.  We're a bit stretched, honestly.

I've not been eligible to do PT for the past two years, but I was medically cleared to resume it a few months ago... which also makes me eligible to be deployed, the medical officer reminded me!

Your excellent piece (somehow) brought this image to my twisted mind:

alcoholic home;
dad trips over son’s toy pail,
then kicks the bucket

Light hugz, Daniel  </font>

Posted by: Eisa Oct 26 04, 17:29

Hey Daniel and Grace

You are both very good at this, and I am enjoying learning from your vast array of talent here.

Here's one I wrote when I was thinking about my autistic son


disability
first appearances deceive
look beyond the shell

peel the layers away
search deep inside the kernel
- the essence is found.


Snow

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 26 04, 22:35

Hey, Snow!  Great to have you drop in to learn along with us.  

I think this is an excellent pair of senryu, substantially.  I only see an extra syllable and an unnecessary use of the passive voice.  As you suggested yourself elsewhere, you may punctuate differently too.

Here's a possible:

disability:
first appearances deceive;
look beyond the shell

peel (the) layers away;
search deep inside the kernel
(-) to find the essence (is found.)
Whatcha think, Snow?  ... and Grace?

sharin' a bit o' Light, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Oct 27 04, 00:47

Good morning Daniel,

Three emotions in two thoughts!  dread, comic revenge, dead!!!  

This one really stirs the emotions doesn't it? Fascinating Daniel.

our favourite walk;
long autumn shadows
but where is yours ?

Love

Grace

Posted by: Cybele Oct 27 04, 00:59

Why! good morning Eisa,      

How lovely to see you here.

Daniel will tell you that I easily get confused around this forum, so I will wait for you to reply to his crit before jumping in and joining the melee

It's lovely to see you here. I have fallen in love with Japanese verse and spend a great deal of time here. My mind doesn't seem able to cope with a longer poem at present, so I keep myself busy this way!!

I will be back when you have replied. I hope the sun is shining in your world my friend.

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 27 04, 05:21

Now that is a fascinating one, Grace! Methinks you're talking with your husband today?  This is a heart-stopper, my friend.  I quietly applaud.

If I'm correct in my assumption, with some adjustments you could transform this into the first katauta of a mondo... and reply with comforting words from your memory of your beloved.  Whatcha think?  Whatever you do, this is a keeper!

chilly fall mourning
tracing buildings through a fog;
London derrière

© MLee Dickens'son 27 Oct 2004

Now, as to Snow's piece... since when do you have no independent opinion?!  And when did this become a melee?!  Ain't nobody here tryin' to decapitate the pride o' no soldiers battlin' it out!  We's jest larnin' together, m'Lady!

melee-mouthed

no battle royal,
no plumage to de-helmet;
just chicken feathers

© MLee Dickens'son 27 Oct 2004

P.S.  Pardon me faux-ku; if'n ya decapitates it, ya gets a senryu!

sLightly cheekily with tongue firmly implanted therein, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Oct 27 04, 08:15

Hello Daniel,

A very good idea Daniel.  Will do that. Yes, I talk to him all the time, just as if he were here, and generally I feel that he is ~ but occasionally I think he goes walkabout, and I suddenly feel bereft. Then, at my lowest I feel a sudden warmth and know that he has returned to me.

QUOTE

chilly fall mourning
tracing buildings through a fog;
London derrière

A very rare occurrence now since the smokeless fuel law was introduced years ago Daniel. We called it smog (smoke and fog).

QUOTE

Now, as to Snow's piece... since when do you have no independent opinion?!  And when did this become a melee?!  Ain't nobody here tryin' to decapitate the pride o' no soldiers battlin' it out!  We's jest larnin' together, m'Lady!

Just thought I would let Eisa digest your suggestions first yankee doodle pal of mine

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 27 04, 08:43

I know, Grace.  Just practicin' with my epee on ya!

... and did you not see the allusion to "Londonderry Air"  Do I have to write about the London Dairy air to get your attention? ... or were you just snubbing your Brit nose at this Yankee's thoughts?  :read:

splashing at the air
epeeing tirelessly;
stress relieved

streaming away Lightly, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Oct 27 04, 09:20

Ha Ha Daniel,  

Now would I do a thing like that my friend.  No I was only thinking of the backside of London, which I am always very glad to see when returning to the glories of Somerset.  I missed the Londonderry air. one of my favourite songs too!! How remiss of me.

QUOTE

splashing at the air
epeeing tirelessly;
stress relieved

This, on the other hand is not quite as subtle I feel.  

Here is another one for you to get you teeth into Daniel.  

nuns after mass;
clustered together, heads bowed
critiquing the sermon

Love

Grace


P.S Am just going to post the solo/mondo as suggested.

Posted by: Cybele Oct 27 04, 09:29

Here you are Daniel,

Have fun!

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 27 04, 11:12

Now that is one to chew on a bit!  

none is so cloistered
that she'd not turn on frier;
grit battered chicken

QUOTE

first frosty morning;
I find long-lost sunglasses
where are my gloves?

hmmmm

secretly dipped gloves
in fat to smear sunglasses;
finger-lickin' gooed

sLightly blurry, Daniel  

Posted by: Eisa Oct 27 04, 18:58

Hello there Daniel nd Grace

Your verses have me fascinated -- tugging my heart strings and making me smile.  :cloud9:

I must say this form does appeal to me -- intriguing at times. I don't think I can ever keep up with you two, but you are keeping my interest.


Thanks for your suggestions Daniel -- much improved. I think I was pronouncing `layers' as one syllable as some people do -- but I usually don't. it's the punctuation I feel a bit lost with -- then I always am

Here's one I wrote after reading about Grace's walk

my favourite walk:
by a stream beneath the trees;
sit to contemplate


See you soon

Snow

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 28 04, 01:55

So good to see you thinkin' and feelin' in here along with us, Snow!

Now, as to your struggles with punctuation... and your thought-provoking piece...

contemplate a stream
interrupted by beavers;
dammed punctuation

sharin' deLight, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Oct 28 04, 02:37

Good Morning Eisa,  

Oh that punctruation Eisa, don't I know about that??  NO !!
No, but seriously, I have gradually learned that serious haiku writers don't bother with punctuation these days relying on the wording to indicate the break between two separate thoughts.

Having said that, I am still so new to this that I don't always have the confidence to leave out at least a semi-colon.

As Daniel says, Haiku should be written so that the whole thing can be read aloud in one breath.

If like me, while learning you need the prop of a semi-colon, make sure that it separates your two dis-similar, but linked thoughts. So your lovely piece would read.

QUOTE

my favourite walk
by a stream beneath the trees;
sit to contemplate

The only other point I would make Eisa, is that the picture you present should ALWAYS be in the present and leave something for the reader to work out. For your last line therefore, how about...

my favourite walk
by a stream beneath the trees;
deep reflection

This last line now conveys your mood as well as linking itself to the stream.

Just a thought, Chuck or choose.

Daniel's reply of course is brilliant. Not only does his wit put a smile on your face, it also encourages you to keep writing.    



Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 28 04, 03:29

Hey, y'all...

This is poor, but my mind is drifting back to bed. I'd fallen asleep in the living room, woke up to take meds and go to bed, and now they're kicking in...

nighters!  - Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Oct 28 04, 03:43

Hi Sleepy head  

Sounds like a presage of my forthcoming holiday in Jamaica Daniel, but I'm no diving belle, although I can't wait to go snorkelling on the reefs.

I'd fallen asleep in the living room, woke up to take meds and go to bed,

Doesn't that always get you? Over here if you are admitted to hospital, apart from being ill, you are generally very tired and just when you have fallen into a peaceful sleep ~ they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.        

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 28 04, 07:35

did Jamaica cake
to send off your holiday?
belles still knead to wring!

... darn, and I can't even swim the length of a pool!  I'd have to have my grandsons' swimmies or a life jacket to join ya!

now...

dive into another before you fly off!

deLightingly, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Oct 29 04, 03:37

Hi Daniel,

Not off till 14th December!. This is a Christmas holiday. We return on New Year’s Eve ~ leaving Jamaica at 11.45pm (which means, unfortunately we will cross five time zones, so we will have to celebrate New Year 6 times.  :oops:  I don’t think I need worry about jet lag.

Meanwhile:

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 29 04, 05:31

on house and garage
implant surround sound speakers;
scare with raceway tapes

Posted by: Cybele Oct 29 04, 09:04

Hi Daniel,

Can you enlighten me? What are raceway tapes?

rousing 1812
wearing my marigold gloves
conducting the bells

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 29 04, 14:49

Raceway tapes would be sounds from a race track:  racing cars or motorcycles... as though they were flying through the space between your property and your neighbor's.  That ought bring him out to see who's disturbin' his power toolin'!

I'll be back to comment on your SUPERB senryu, Grace...

we're off to see Ray

deLightingly, Daniel

Posted by: Cybele Oct 31 04, 02:44

Thanks for the explanation Daniel.

Happily this was fictitious, I have very quiet neighbours.  

Love


Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 31 04, 05:19

ah, Grace...  now you're shaming me with REAL senryu!  Wonderful job.

My mind is presently a bit fuddled.  I cannot picture anything so uniquely at the moment.

I'll be back... but for now, back to bed.

deLightingly, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Oct 31 04, 07:14

Hello Daniel,

Hope you are feeling a little brighter.

The hot air balloon one was easy.  It was a wedding anniversary present from Ralph.  He had a dread of flying and wouldn't ascend, but followed us in the car. That year it rained every single day of May and on 1st and 2nd June.

I dreaded waking on the morning of the 3rd.  The flight was at 6.30am.
When I drew back the curtains the sun was shining brilliantly!     I shall never forget the experience. After we had landed it started raining again and on the next day, and for the rest of that week. we had torrential rain! Talk about serendipity.    

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Nov 2 04, 11:00

hmmm

Not sure that I fully understand this one, Grace.  Could you clarify the picture for me?  Sounds like someone's husband is contemplating crossing the line?

husband breathtaken;
mooning on South Jersey beach
caught with his pants up

re the wonderful balloon portrayal, it's certainly more than hot air (though I'm bettin' it was, up there... even if it was cold!).

good Ralph didn't shout
"to the moon, Grace;to the moon!"
with you crammed in there

Honeymooning Lightly, Daniel  :sun:

P.S.  If you don't know of Jackie Gleason, you may need an explanation?

Posted by: Cybele Nov 2 04, 17:16

Hello Daniel,

Ralph and I spent many wonderful holidays on the Greek islands.

'Zorba the Greek' was a very famous film starring Anthony Quinn, who performed Zorba's dance on the beach after having 'taken drink'.

When we visited the island of Kos we celebrated a wedding anniversary. It was the night of the full moon or as the Greeks say ,luna fengari. (that might not be the correct spelling because I have only heard it spoken and not seen it written down.)

Ralph, who was a great fan of Quinn decided to entertain me wih his own version of Zorba's dance. It was early evening so we weren't yet too inebriated. We finished up rolling in the sand laughing our heads off. Wonderful memory!


good Ralph didn't shout
"to the moon, Grace;to the moon!"
with you crammed in there

I have heard of Jackie Gleason. Wasn't he a child star in silent movies who became a comedian?  We seem to be starting a school of movie memorabilia  here don't we? But you need to enlighten me on the reference in this piece please.

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Nov 3 04, 08:59

Sounds like you had a wonderful time, Grace! YOUR Ralph was very different from the Jackie Gleason character Ralph Cramden in "The Honeymooners"

http://concise.britannica.com/ebc/article?tocId=9365679

One of his famous outbursts to his wife during their frequent 'arguments' was "To the Moon, Alice' to the moon!" with his fist held 'threateningly.'  Of course he never launched her!  

Perhaps now you understand what I crammed in to my little senryu?  



Here's one that occurred to me last evening in a National Alliance for the Mentally Ill training:

treatment adherence:
never suture self; not just
Band-Aids that stick

sLightly sterile, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Nov 3 04, 17:36

Hello Daniel,

Thank you for the info on Jackie Gleason. I seem to remember him as a very large bluff, dark-haired man. Never saw him act but I think I remember seeing a documentary about him, but that must have been about 20 years ago.

Very sobering one Daniel, especially after my inebriated one!

I have been having trouble getting onlne over the past 24 hours. I have just changed over to Broadband and sometimes it goes off for hours at a time. The good side thought is that is about 500 times faster than dial-up.

This one is seasonal and fictitious

virgin snow;
glancing back at my footprints
I am sorry

Toodle pip

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Nov 5 04, 15:55

Hmmm  

Maybe there's a message there?  "Broad Banned" ?  

Now you're senryu...  I love it!  Excellent, vivid picture.  Darn close to a haiku, but definitely a senryu.  The best kind, methinks.

Maybe this will tell ya somethin' about why I've been so scarce of late:

brown stuff comin' out
has stuck-to-the-ribs flavor;
much too phlegm-boyant

sLightly sick, Daniel  :ghostface:

Posted by: Cybele Nov 17 04, 03:50

Good morning Daniel,

Yuck! Too much information Daniel!!  :rofl:
Still, as we say over here "Better out, than in."  :jester:

This one is a happy childhood memory

summer journey home
the deep contented silence
measured by milestones

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Nov 27 04, 11:31

Hey, Grace...

I hope you'll forgive me for this, since your piece has a beautiful taste of nostalgia... but it stirred somehow in me (mused by the word-play on summer) that evil muse that so detests the stay-behind Canada Geese!

sLightly choking, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Nov 27 04, 17:28

Hi Daniel,

Good to see you back and this is up to your usual excellent standard, but to use your expression...darn! isn't this supposed to be senryu, not faux-ku?

How about a serious piece that I can reply to? Your faux-ku are far too clever for me and certainly not my forte.

Over to you for senryu.            Huh? that rhymes  :speechless:
unintentional, not conventional.

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Nov 27 04, 22:24

<font color='#000000'>:cheer: Thanks for the prod, Grace... and for your visit over yonder too!

I knew it was a faux-ku... but also a legit (though a bit low-life) senryu if you note that the Canada Geese [ Use your imagination; the dragon is the closest Cleo has given us! ] are flying away with it, leaving a not-so-innocent senryu for you.

But... I just wrote this... and interrupted myself in the process to print it and fly out the door to give it to her... as she heads back to PA to be with her groom of 8 months, carrying a 7-week surprise she discovered a few weeks ago!

by de Light o' de watermelon, Grampa Daniel  </font>

Posted by: Cybele Nov 28 04, 03:32

Good morning Daniel,

I am so glad you caught her before she returned home. I am sure she will treasure this for her child - quite beautiful.

I too was an unplanned child I have found out. It doesn’t seem to have done me any harm. It’s what happens after you are born that counts isn’t it?  But on the other hand, I don’t really believe in accidents. I think there is a purpose for everything.

last of the breadcrumbs
fine feathered friends sail away;
alone with my fear

Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 1 04, 09:56

I've read this several times, Grace, and the last line doesn't seem just right.  It feels to me like it should say "I'm alone with fear" or "I'm with fear, alone" or "I'm in fear, alone."  Whatcha think?

poem lies alone
without a single visit;
does it ponder Why?

© MLee Dickens’son 01 Dec 2004

Posted by: Cybele Dec 2 04, 05:06

Hello Daniel,

last of the breadcrumbs
fine feathered friends sail away;
alone, with my fear

This another divide thing Daniel. This is a perfectly normal English phrase. It wouldn't sound right to my ears to use any of your helpful alternatives. Have included a comma in the last line which might help with the interpretation.

Love

Grace

Posted by: Cybele Dec 2 04, 05:13

Hi Daniel,

Here is the one you thought you had read, but in fact I only wrote it three days ago.  

summer romance;
all that remains on the beach,
a wilting red rose


Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 3 04, 07:32

Well, I do think you wrote something like it somewhere... or I coalesced a couple of your previous poems in my mind somehow!  Anyway... I love the intrigue and softness in this one. It ain't wiltin' fer sher!

I'll share my riposte here:

some 're romance...

and some 're not; ask petals ~ ~

so... wilt thou... or naught?


pluckin' Lightly, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Dec 3 04, 07:43

Hi Daniel,

Well, I don't know about you but I am running myself ragged at present, trying to do too many things before I go away.  

Very clever.  Your last line sounds positively Shakespearian Daniel  

Love

Grace

Posted by: Cybele Dec 3 04, 07:56

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 3 04, 08:11

Very graphic, Grace!  ... and believe me, I KNOW what you mean about tryin' to do too many things... but we is musin' pomes, ain't we!  Jest take yer time, Lady!  This thread ain't goin' no place.  It'll be here when ya gets back!  LorII ain't got tired o' us yet!

my wife's body talc
on the back of my trousers;
lost job interview

brushin' it off Lightly, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Dec 3 04, 08:18

Hi Daniel,

Still can't read that pale blue. Could you try another colour next time?


my wife's body talc
on the back of my trousers;
lost job interview


Swift and witty Daniel.  

This just happened as I look out of the window while listening to the radio.



the morning starts
pink clouds, black birds, fine morning;
another train crash


Off out again now, back later.


Love

Grace

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 3 04, 09:06

Very sad, Grace... that's why I listen to a light, uplifting local morning broadcast as I'm readying for work... where I oughta be headin' now!

ignoring my work,
it's about to arrest me;
I'd better catch up

© Daniel J Ricketts 03 Dec 2004

Headin' to the showers.  Catch ya tomorrow, maybe!

 Daniel  

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 7 04, 18:08

Posted by: Cybele Dec 8 04, 02:30

Hello Daniel,

Yes, I was tempted to put that 'u' in morning, but it would have pre-empted the shock of the last line.

ignoring my work,
it's about to arrest me;
I'd better catch up

Smug, smug ~ I am glad I no longer have that problem Daniel (age has to have some compensations ~ apart from free prescriptions for medicine ! )



wherever my face...
appears I'm dammed if I do
and damned if I don't

Explanation needed here Daniel, I have my stupid head on this morning.

Posted by: Cybele Dec 8 04, 02:38

Hello Daniel,

This is a revision. I originally posted it with too many syllable on the first line and have only just noticed it.



                darting dragonfly
               a blue speck on the rushes-
               twinkle in God’s eye

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 8 04, 11:52

Greetings, dragonfly!

It's always refreshing to exchange with you, Grace. :)

Requested explanation:  I was feeling like sludge.  Sometimes my experimentation with form is seen as frivolous and demeaning, and I'd crossed a couple of good friends' boundaries (elsewhere), without meaning to do so... again!  It's how I FELT in the aftermath.  Sometimse feelings reflect reality, and sometimes they don't.  But when you find yourelf on the wrong side of a boundary, it's both intrusive to the other party and embarrassing to you.  Being shoved back over the line hurts, and FEELS like being shut out [dammed].  And the when the resulting feelings produce inaction through depression, you may end up feeling as though you've also been rejected [damned].  

Poets express their feelings.  Sometimes I have done that too freely... or too soon.  Once that's been done, it seems it can't be taken back; the damage is done. Maybe some day I'll learn.

As to your piece, it's wonderful!  I love the twinkle.  It's a great reminder.

Here's the other side of the story, using another of God's creatures more familiar to me to illustrate looking at life forgetting God's twinkling eye:

ducking in slime pit
may well smooth ruffled feathers…
but makes flying tough

© MLee Dickens’son 08 Dec 2004

tryin' to recapture deLight, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Dec 8 04, 12:16

Hello Daniel,

Goodness me! You musn't let the world get to you like that. I certainly don't feel that way about our exchanges here. Yours are very witty and that is your style.

My only concern is that if perhaps you put in the odd serious one in a different vein, then maybe my old brain would be sparked with inspiration as well.

Sometimes it is possible to reply in faux-ku, but it is not my forte (I'll leave that to the expert).

Pieces like the one about your unexpected daughter would probably give me something to bounce off.

All is well Daniel my friend.

ducking in slime pit
may well smooth ruffled feathers…
but makes flying tough


This is very funny (if somewhat messy ~ the sludge, not the haiku,     ) so you do what you are best at and I'll muddle along learning.  

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 8 04, 12:28

learning's always fun
till someone pops your balloon;
frowns drown out a smile

send up another;
fill a grey sky with bubbles
to lilt dragonflies

Posted by: Cybele Dec 8 04, 16:52

bubbles rise above
hot air spouted by fools;
smile and rise

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 9 04, 03:07

Thanks, Grace...

and it doesn't need to be a fool, either.  Even very wise or generally intelligent folk and otherwise sensitive persons can spout hot air betimes.  God knows I've had my share of heated words!

But let us pursue a different course now...

men and rivers wind
through paths of least resistance;
makes for some real crooks

ploddin' straight ahead, Lightly, Daniel  

Posted by: Cybele Dec 9 04, 04:29

Hi Daniel,

Very deep, Daniel


                          a child’s crimson kite
                          trapped in a tall poplar;
                          winter blossom

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 9 04, 04:41

Wavin' back!  

yellow kite's long tail
waving from greening apple;
Charlie Brown's spring bane

Lightly headin' back to bed, Daniel  :sun:

Posted by: Cybele Dec 9 04, 05:00

Hi Daniel.

Ah, Charlie Brown, my favourite cartoon with my absolute hero, SNOOPY!!!  


                                    sunshine on the pond;
                                my goldfish lip the surface
                                to swallow the warmth

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 9 04, 14:56

I hope you'll forgive me for this one, Grace.

As you paint this picture of your fish pond and the open-mouthed visits of your fish (usually in recognition of your presence, expecting to be fed, or hopefully not gasping for exygen in a pond that needs aeration), I couldn't help but slip into this off-beat reflection as a riposte:

pond shimmers, golden;
check if it's sun's reflection
or you're in trouble
Lightly slippin' out, Daniel  

Posted by: Toumai Jan 6 05, 11:34

Hello, I'm following Cleo's suggestion for New Year and exploring the sights (sites?) of MM, and impressive they are.

I tentatively add my first senryu:

Revised 7th Jan 2005 (thank you, Grace):

original:

The poet centres
her universe within words;
dinner is burnt again.

It's a joy just reading thru the tiles here. Thanks.
Fran

Posted by: Jox Jan 6 05, 13:00

Hi Fran

What a lovely burnt offering this is. A clever self-referential (both in the sense of the poet and the verse-form) piece. If only King Alfred could have written thus.

Very humerous too - how so much can be (lunch)-packed into so little.

Also good to see "her" - we are so used to seeing male poet references... makes one think - good change.

I think your centralised universe is beautifully poised and well-worth some carbonisation. (Nice to be able to sacrifice some one else's meal!)

Well done - enjoyed this. James.

PS Glad you've found a new muse and that you're trying the various delights available for the poetic salad (hot food off menu for moment).

Muse it or lose it - and you've got it!

James.

Posted by: Toumai Jan 6 05, 14:12

Hi James,

Thank you for such kind encouragement.  

My new muse was a surprise discovery - awakened talent in a lost maid called Cinderella - since the incineration she has, alas, become Cinder, for short: that's why I'm now writing senryu.

As for the dinner, it was ruined; we had to get a takeaway instead - chicken tarka (like chicken tikka, only a little 'otter).

And some fruit cake for afterwards.

Cheers,
Fran

Posted by: Cybele Jan 7 05, 04:29

Good morning Fran,

Just back from my holiday and browsing around I come across this...

It's great to see you here Fran, I hope you too will fall in love with Haiku/senryu as I have.

This is great with a delightful twist of comedy which made me laugh  

Just one tiny suggestion, the last line is one syllable long. Perhaps you could leave out the word 'is', and I think you'll find it will read even better.

Brilliant first attempt. I hope you stick around here and the Haiku tiles Fran.

Posted by: Cybele Jan 7 05, 04:31

Posted by: Toumai Jan 7 05, 04:46

Welcome back from your holiday, Grace.  

Thank you for your comments on my attempt. I will have to practice my counting - no doubt my daughter (6) will take great delight in the fact that her mother is struggling with 5 and 7.

Is it a chilly shock to be back with icy cobwebs after the sun? (Although our cobwebs have been blown away overnight by the gales).  

A beautiful evocation of a still winter's woodland morning. These tiles are full of inspiration.

Thanks,
Fran

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 7 05, 08:13

fiery woodland:
tight-fisted green limbers up
to bough out in red

Welcome back, Grace!

And great to see your piece too, Fran.  Stunning!

deLightingly, Daniel  

P.S.  I figured that one senryu bordering on haiku deserved another!  

P.P.S.  While you were away, I 'invented' a new form: 49er Nuggets See 30 of them in Mary's Circuit

Posted by: Perrorist Jan 8 05, 15:32

Fran

The poet centres
her universe within words;
dinner burnt again.

I like it. Very succinct and true.

Perry

Posted by: Jox Jan 8 05, 16:12

Grace,

fairy woodland:
hoar-frosted cobweb,
Titania’s lace veil

This is splendid! (I know you know much of the following but for the record...)

I take it personally, too... if I may. Our late dogs, who inspited my Haiku cycle, and to whom it is dedicated, were Mustardseed and Cobweb, named  from faries in Shakespeare's "Midsummer Night's Dream."

Titania is Queen of the faries in that play, which takes place in the Forest of Arden (Fairy Woodland).

Wonderful work, grace, magical. Thank you.

James.

Posted by: Cybele Jan 10 05, 07:26

Hello James.

I am just pausing for a few minutes to catch up on MM before I dash off again.

I am glad you liked this piece. Yes, inspired by the great man himself.

I also notice a nod toward Mishca in 'Why donkeys cheat at cards' if I'm not (misch)taken?  I haven't forgotten my promise to come back to you on that. I shall do so as soon as I have five minutes to spare.

Posted by: Jox Jan 10 05, 08:39

Hi Grace,

Thank you for your kindness. No compulsion to pop into Donkeys/cards but if you do find time, I would much appreciate it.

Dogs - yes: Mustardseed and Cobweb (twin sisters) were with us for almost sixteen years to New Year 2001. Six months later, Hugo, Mischa and Lyric joined us. Hugo dies in April, 2004 - sad but he was 13.5 - a good innings for a King Charles. Misch is about 12 and Lyric 9. For those interested, if you click the link to my web site (below) a picture of Mischa and Lyric will appear on the gateway page.

Talking of web site, I've been very busy and, after returning home from a trip - next week we're back - I will upload poems by Alan and yourself which you kindly said I could ages ago and have not found time yet. Other updating needed, too.

Thanks for the dreamy poem, Grace.

An interesting illustration of how poetry can mean so many different things to different people. J.

Posted by: JustDaniel Jan 12 05, 14:54

doves coo over urn:
'Here rests Marshall Lee Dickens'
son reads eulogy

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 4 05, 07:44

fingers unfurl fire

stored up in solitary;

passions ignite

_{© MLee Dickens'son 04 Jan 2005}

Posted by: Toumai Feb 18 05, 12:14

Hi Daniel,

I missed this somehow - lovely steamy alliteration

acceleration:
relishing the empty road;
speed camera flashes

© Toumai, 2005

Posted by: Jox Feb 18 05, 12:40

Hi Daniel -

1. A good tribute to the poet

2. I can't quite decide is this is erotica or a tribute to Promethius. Either way, it works well. Sorry, what was that? Neither? Oh well they both worked as, no doubt did the original meaning too.

Well done.

James.

Posted by: Jox Feb 18 05, 12:47

Fran, Hi!

"acceleration:
relishing the empty road;
speed camera flashes"

Serves the narrator right! The modern evil - speeding on roads!

An ex-friend of mine (we simply lost contact - probably too fast for me) was "done" by the Boys In Blue a few years ago for speeding. It was about 3am in Gwent (Wales) and he was doing about 150 mph in his Porsche down the M4 (a major motorway). Under the sodium arc-lights he saw blue flashing lights a couple of miles back. By the time they caiught him he was doing 80mph (limit = 70mph) He claimed he wasn't speeding (much) but they had radar print-outs from sensors he'd passed along the road, flashed to control then the patrol car. He was let off lightly - £1,000 fine and banned for six months (because he was returning from a funeral).

So I love the technology. But wait until I'm caught one day - won't like it then. I honestly do try to keep to the limits but mistakes are so easy to make.

That's my crit of your poem. Precise and clever: reminded me of that story. Well done. No suggestions. Most enjoyable.

James.

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 22 05, 08:43

wide-angle lenses

give photographer more space;

good for lazy butts

<sub>© MLee Dickens’son 22 Feb 2005

Original</sub>

wide-angle lenses

bring photographer in close;

good for lazy butts

Posted by: Cybele Feb 22 05, 08:54

Hi Daniel,

Dare I suggest Daniel, that you would need zoom lenses for this purpose?    

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 22 05, 08:58

Not if one is writing about the SUBJECT of the shot!  
Lightly, Daniel  

... butt... of course you're right, Grace!  I've modified your quotation to reflect the 'corrected lens'  :cheer:

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 22 05, 09:08

zoom lenses quicken

the heartbeat of a moment;

arouse your voyeur

© Daniel J Ricketts 22 Feb 2005

Posted by: Cybele Feb 22 05, 09:12

Hi Daniel,

Precisely what the rear-view mirror did Daniel!!!  :blush21:

Posted by: JustDaniel Feb 22 05, 09:24

Of course I knew that, Grace.  I was writing to tell you that!  :wink:

always deLighting to exchange with you, Daniel  


tandem poetry

mounts butt near half the effort;

one steers both wryders

_{© MLee Dickens'son 22 Feb 2005}

Posted by: JustDaniel Mar 28 05, 08:35

riders on tandem

sustain major head trauma;

staff tossed through front spokes

_{© MLee Dickens’son 28 March 2005}

Posted by: JustDaniel Jun 29 05, 06:14

silhouette

black net kept her in
where everything wanted out;
bawdy-stocking dance

_{© MLee Dickens'son 29 June 2005}

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 2 07, 14:41

I am… you are the Light

you are puzzling...
pieces needing connection;
I am the big picture

faith sees my image;
assembling my boundaries
a body takes shape

you each interact
sharing what I’ve imparted;
my visage gives Light

_{© MLee Dickens'son 02 Sept 2007
a worship reflaction...
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%208:12;&version=31;, http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%205:14,%2014,%2015;&version=31;}

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 8 12, 14:43

increase wardrobe
by dusting off old threads...
a light senryu

Posted by: Alan Apr 8 12, 16:56

a blight, senryu
I can't tell from damn haiku
an age-old problem

Alan

Now, what's the betting this is NOT a sen ?

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 9 12, 07:29

basic senryu:
juxtaposed snapshots
in one line and two

Posted by: Alan Apr 10 12, 01:51

Just a posed snapshot.
Why the Facebook exposure
total overkill ?

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 11 12, 07:25

just suppose
it is an accident...
pix catch the act

Posted by: Alan Apr 11 12, 08:45

Pix will catch the cat
in social embarrassment;
now's time to cleanse fur

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 11 12, 09:54

fer cleansin' sake
try dippin' in the stream;
catfish eat slime

Posted by: Alan Apr 12 12, 16:45

Drat ! Fish-feed time
throw cat in aquarium
then go back to sleep ....

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 13 12, 08:36

throw-back can't count sheep...
hasn't learned that http://www.serta.com/Serta-Sheep-Counting-Sheep-Buy-a-Serta-mattress-Count-Sheep-No-More.html
put them out of work

Posted by: Larry Apr 13 12, 09:24

The work-out put them
at the end of their rope. Climb
into the steam room.

Posted by: Alan Apr 13 12, 16:06

Into the steam room,
then get on with the sweating
til half the man you were

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 14 12, 09:40

Just a couple of pointers further, Alan.
One, NO CAPITALS at the beginning of lines, unless Proper Names and such.
Two, remember TWO SNAPS, not one long sentence or thought broken up into three segments.
Three, your snapshots don't have to be full sentences; in fact, often better if they're not, e.g.:

into the steam room,
then on with the sweating;
you're half the man


your half the man
roasted on the spit;
mine simply boiled

Lightly spit out, Daniel

Posted by: Alan Apr 16 12, 12:33

eggs, mine simply boiled
mark the true progress of man :
assault'n'battery

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 16 12, 22:36

the sultan's battery
died before his alarm rang;
disk-on-tent

Posted by: Larry Apr 17 12, 14:29

Disco was intense
after the rock-n-rollin'
downhill from that point

Posted by: Alan Apr 17 12, 15:44

skiing's on the up
despite what you all think;
olympics are down

Alan

Posted by: Larry Apr 18 12, 08:59

modern Olympics
aggrandized professionals
amateurs lose out

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 18 12, 13:30

embouchure too loose
to produce the right sound:
blat, squeak, squawk

Posted by: Alan Apr 19 12, 03:13

bats sqeak squawk
to a purpose, flying blind
predating radar

Alan

Posted by: Larry Apr 19 12, 09:31

radar shows a blip
weather ballons travel fast
are you Sirius

Posted by: Alan Apr 19 12, 14:41

Planet fall :
a Sirius collision
with Uranus

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 20 12, 16:36

would you rein us in?
we write like horses running
free in the valley

Posted by: Alan Apr 21 12, 01:43

free, in the Valley
girls with great bodies and teeth
but lacking a brain

Alan

Posted by: Larry Apr 21 12, 10:06

Brains are optional
gene pools become more shallow
grading on the curve

Posted by: Alan Apr 21 12, 13:56

grading on the curve
enhanced by Verona Beach
silly cows' silicone

Alan

Posted by: Larry Apr 21 12, 23:39

sell cows silicone
udderly ridiculous
plastic keeps milk fresh

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 22 12, 18:05

slapstick refreshes
mediocre comedy;
ionic humor

Posted by: Larry Apr 24 12, 10:49

Humerus ions
electrify the elbows
with shocking laughter

Posted by: Alan Apr 24 12, 11:11

with such shocked laughter
we may well change the whole world
only for the worse ....

Alan

Posted by: Larry Apr 24 12, 17:45

only for their verse
would poets have us believe
it is the refrain

Posted by: Alan Apr 24 12, 17:47

it is the refrain
from smoking that will kill you
puffing is easy ....

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 24 12, 22:14

roughage goes easy;
after huffage and puffage
it is some relief

Posted by: Alan Apr 25 12, 04:05

it is some relief
that the Parthenon Elgins
are safe in England

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 25 12, 08:04

safe in England
holds Parthenon Marbles;
have we all lost ours?

Posted by: Larry Apr 25 12, 09:04

losing our marbles
we join the rest of the world
in certain circles

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 25 12, 10:52

uncertain circles
evolve into ovals;
sun attraction

Posted by: Alan Apr 25 12, 23:29

some attraction
p'raps a bit more repulsion
he thinks he loves her

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 26 12, 04:25

stinking at love --
a hand-made fur coat
of mink and skunk

Posted by: Larry Apr 26 12, 09:43

skunk or mink fur
may be a way to weasel
out of offences

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 26 12, 12:24

out-house offenses
hidden from the public;
case-load buried

Posted by: Larry Apr 26 12, 13:40

buried in case loads
lawyers looking for retorts
fabricate file piles

Posted by: Alan Apr 27 12, 00:28

brief fabricates "truth"
totally one-sided view
the jury's still out

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 27 12, 08:20

the jury's still
is drained of moonshine;
they're still out... cold

Posted by: Larry Apr 27 12, 09:04

stills out in the cold
make better shine that's high priced
due to the coppers

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 27 12, 09:38

dew from the crappers
spoiled the water table;
stills unaffected

Posted by: Larry Apr 27 12, 16:21

still son affected
by too much of a good thing
moon shines but son's out

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 27 12, 17:52

moon finds sun rays
reflecting on their warmth;
man dreams beneath

Posted by: Alan Apr 30 12, 02:51

man dreams beneath
his snuggle-tight warm duvet
despite snores of wife ....

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel Apr 30 12, 15:00

despot wife snores
through her husband's protests;
congested air weighs

Posted by: Alan Apr 30 12, 16:13

congested air waves
so full of propaganda
Krauts starting a war ....

Alan

Posted by: Larry May 1 12, 12:49

kraut stirred in a wok
fuse unsavory cultures
far-east fascists

Posted by: JustDaniel May 1 12, 18:06

furrier faces
lawsuit for lion;
no escape claws

Posted by: Alan May 2 12, 09:01

no escape, Claus
chimney is Santa trap;
fatten the goose

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 2 12, 10:50

frightening goose
when Claus alit on poker;
a royal flush

Posted by: Larry May 4 12, 15:48

auroral flash
orbicular holed flight path
soot and suit, sans sleigh

Posted by: Alan May 7 12, 00:01

suit and boot, sans tie
you will get it in the neck
forgetful, is all

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 7 12, 07:49

forgetful as Saul:
you cannot remain the king
without annointing

Posted by: Larry May 7 12, 10:25

Without an oinking
piglets search for mother's milk
from tail to pig's tie

Posted by: JustDaniel May 7 12, 10:31

tale of the pig sty:
drop in any time
and you'll be eaten

Posted by: Larry May 7 12, 10:43

to be yule beaten
plunge into a Swedish spa
for steam and a bough

Posted by: JustDaniel May 7 12, 10:52

a stream 'neath the bough
where we fished away summer;
our toes were bait

Posted by: Alan May 9 12, 08:20

tiny toes are great
in our new born - perfection
the world keeps turning

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 9 12, 08:27

the wild keep turning
themselves into vampires --
it's blood-curdling

Posted by: Larry May 9 12, 16:03

it's bloody curding
she's cheddar skin without gloves
and that's not gouda



probably better as a faux-ku
titled Eat-um

Posted by: Alan May 10 12, 16:53

gouda is not cheese
forcing smile for rubber ball
regurgitating

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 10 12, 17:44

re gurgitation:
please don't bring it up
for disgustion

Posted by: Larry May 11 12, 14:28

ford escutcheon
embellishes coat of arm-or
around the driver

Posted by: Alan May 11 12, 15:39

a round - the driver
then use niblick, putter
if you wanna green

Alan

Posted by: Larry May 14 12, 14:02

you want agreein'
select one who knows, not nos
brown colors work best

Posted by: Alan May 14 12, 23:34

brown color works best
because that is what you get
mixing all others

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 15 12, 09:20

Mick sings and lathers
with his barbarshop quartet --
close harmonic shaves

Posted by: Alan May 16 12, 00:08

Brilliant, Daniel !

harmony enslaves
while disharmony entraps
know your sharps and flats

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 16 12, 04:35

know that sharps cause flats;
be careful about running
over broken glass

Posted by: Alan May 16 12, 07:19

over broken glass
such is the sound of my voice
period of silence ...

Alan

Posted by: Larry May 16 12, 09:07

pier rids the silence
ears fill with squawks and thunder
gulls and oceans wave

Posted by: JustDaniel May 16 12, 10:15

gulls and ocean
greet shoobies to the shore...
a splash from each

Posted by: Alan May 17 12, 03:10

a splash from each limb
a very large belly-flop
diverse expertise

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 17 12, 06:36

his verse expertise
has yet to click in;
many a clunker

Posted by: Larry May 17 12, 08:51

many a lunker
leaps out of it's element
fisherman's debate

Posted by: Alan May 17 12, 16:30

grand fishing debate
re the one that got away
did it reproduce ?

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 17 12, 16:42

fisherman debaits
efficacy of drag lines;
grievances redressed

Posted by: JustDaniel May 17 12, 16:44

can a ray produce
burns on your epidermis?
ask daughter or sun

Posted by: Larry May 18 12, 00:46

ask doddering son
if aging body fails him
or just aged spirits

Posted by: Alan May 18 12, 04:20

aged spirits best
for wisdom, also imbibed
here is to your health

Alan

Posted by: Larry May 18 12, 08:18

hair's to ewer health
as worms are to spaghetti
indigestible

Posted by: JustDaniel May 18 12, 13:49

Indie vestibule -
where you enter to pray
the last lap laps best

Posted by: Alan May 20 12, 01:58

the cat's tongue laps best
consists of endless buckets
grants more sleeping time

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 21 12, 08:01

Grant drank sleepy-time
but it sure wasn't tea;
he was a hard man

Posted by: Larry May 21 12, 09:45

I heard Manny was
phobic and fighting against
uni-sex marriage

Posted by: JustDaniel May 21 12, 11:08

under-sexed marriage
causes many a problem;
can't put them to bed

Posted by: Alan May 21 12, 12:21

can't put them to bed ?
so put them to sleep instead
uppercuts rule

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 22 12, 08:47

upper crust rule:
don't burn the top slice
of a grilled cheese

Posted by: Alan May 22 12, 12:52

offer grilled goat's cheese
but also make sure butter
is captively staked

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 22 12, 13:39

if captive is staked
he'll be a good investment;
put him in business

Posted by: Alan May 22 12, 14:02

stake him in business
til filleted with failure
cash in surety

Alan

Posted by: Alan May 22 12, 15:32

stake him in business
til filleted with failure
cash in surety

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 22 12, 16:42

cash in your purse...
to purchase a wallet;
a bit more manly

Posted by: Alan May 22 12, 23:17

a bit more manly
which dangles true temptation
not easy to find

Alan

Posted by: Larry May 22 12, 23:26

knot's easy to find
unless you have been knocked out
then you wooden know

Posted by: Alan May 22 12, 23:34

when you 'wooden' know
then you must be 6 ft deep
pining for release

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 23 12, 00:28

pines you have to lease
will simply never be yew;
try to hedge your bets

Posted by: Alan May 23 12, 00:47

Once again Daniel, GENIUS !

to bet your hedges
plant lots of prickly briar
patch with wild roses

Alan

Posted by: Larry May 23 12, 14:59

wild Rosie has packed
her stabs at fun were always
a thorn in my side

Posted by: JustDaniel May 24 12, 15:32

a throne on its side
could be unsettling...
who has the reigns?

Posted by: Larry May 25 12, 00:06

hoo-hahs in the rain
dampen the controversy
what 'er you to-do

Posted by: Alan May 25 12, 01:27

what hair, what hair-do
fashion, fusion, or fake it
so chopitallov

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 25 12, 07:50

sew chopped-up cloth
to create a patch-work quilt --
winter warm-up

Posted by: Alan May 25 12, 08:21

a winter stitch-up
balloon coat to keep you warm
hope it don't blow off

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 25 12, 08:30

don't blow me off
said the chip on his shoulder;
I'm from the old block

Posted by: Larry May 25 12, 08:42

I foam the cold bock
two heads are better than one
thoughts leave when near beer

Posted by: JustDaniel May 25 12, 08:50

thoughtless love from beer
consumed among strangers;
it gets still stranger

Posted by: Larry May 25 12, 09:11

It gets still stranger
at Adams Family bash
Morticia may lurch

Posted by: JustDaniel May 25 12, 09:40

when mortician lurched
his ire began to fester;
addams' apple froze

Posted by: Larry May 25 12, 22:15

Adam's apple thoes
come from a rib extraction
while sleeping one eve

Posted by: Alan May 26 12, 03:58

while sleeping one eye
remains alert to the world
but mind remains closed

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 26 12, 10:07

mine's remains
closed to further digs;
ore no more

Posted by: Alan May 26 12, 23:04

aura is no more
than the truie being itself
longing for the dawn ...

Alan

Posted by: JustDaniel May 27 12, 07:51

along for the dawn
water precipitates;
a morn of greening

Posted by: Larry May 27 12, 14:25

I mourn of greeting
empty places in my mind
filled with now dead friends

Posted by: JustDaniel May 28 12, 11:26

field of dead men
weeps for spent life;
the stones cry out

Posted by: Larry May 29 12, 23:13

theist ones cry out
there is a higher power
and it is not I

Posted by: JustDaniel May 30 12, 07:36

a snotty eye --
sure sign of infection:
white corps puss-ills

Posted by: Larry Jun 1 12, 13:53

White corpuscles fill
the leukemia patient
cellular mis-apps

Posted by: JustDaniel Jun 4 12, 08:48

cell phone miss saps
the whole clan's energy;
utility bills

Posted by: Larry Jun 5 12, 13:37

futility builds
poisons fill the city's streets
flowers bloom despite

Posted by: JustDaniel Jun 6 12, 08:04

flower-bloom despot
corners the sorghum market...
soaks in the profits

Posted by: Larry Jun 6 12, 13:54

spas profit in soaks
relaxing and cleaning all
muscles and wallets

Posted by: JustDaniel Jun 6 12, 15:57

http://www.hueyskitchen.com.au/recipes/35/whiting-with-green-beans-mussels--heirloom-tomatoes
with green beans and tomatoes;
heirloom recipe

Posted by: Larry Jun 12 12, 16:14

receding hair looms
over the ears like a wave
with no permanent

Posted by: JustDaniel Jun 13 12, 08:57

with no spearmint
the twins eschewed a contract;
no Wrigley's for them

Posted by: Larry Jun 13 12, 14:32

no wriggles for them
birds descend on fresh plowed fields
they were not early

Posted by: JustDaniel Jun 26 12, 07:46

he is not surly;
the man is but a simple
irascible grouch

Posted by: Larry Jun 29 12, 08:12

a race able couch
leaves tracks in the living room
when retired with gas

Posted by: JustDaniel Jun 29 12, 13:21

retiring with gas
he rose at midnight...
looked like a blimp

Posted by: Larry Jul 1 12, 13:25

able imp looked like
he might be up to something
but wasn't that tall

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 2 12, 08:42

a wasp isn't tall
but the victims tell tales...
its tail is telltale

Posted by: Larry Jul 2 12, 15:54

to tell tall tail tales
one mentions giraffes first then
Amazon women

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 3 12, 07:41

Amazon women
will keep you on line;
it's one for the books

Posted by: Larry Jul 3 12, 14:58

one forth of its books
should have never been in print
or cursive either

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 3 12, 17:29

his cursive fever
gives his speech a rough bent;
I swear he leans right

Posted by: Larry Jul 5 12, 22:41

I swear Helen's right
Paris did not abduct her
she eloped and left

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 6 12, 08:52

the cantaloupe left,
the watermelon right...
I'm in the middle

Posted by: Larry Jul 7 12, 16:36

the muddle I'm in
is receding with each bite
melancholia

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 9 12, 06:44

a melon http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collie
watches over the crop...
listens to long-hair

Posted by: Larry Jul 9 12, 08:43

hair longs to listen
but moves when it gets eerie
missing the good parts

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 9 12, 08:54

missus gets good parts
of all the table scraps...
who gets the rest?

Posted by: Larry Jul 9 12, 10:00

Who-Who gets the rest
as sunlight decomposes
then flies in the night

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 9 12, 11:42

the flies on the knight
extinguished by his squire;
a count is squared

Posted by: Larry Jul 9 12, 15:37

a squire is content
if he keeps his Magis straight
through a starry night

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 9 12, 18:25

starry, starry night
in many of his paintings;
where'd his van go?

Posted by: Larry Jul 10 12, 12:33

whorling, his vine grows
around the dying oak tree
new life hurries death

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 14 12, 08:01

new light harries death;
the fresh breath of morning
fills his hungry lungs

Posted by: Larry Jul 15 12, 15:43

his hungry lunge fills
the gaunt space of starvation
a feast for today

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 15 12, 17:24

a fist for today,
a finger for tomorrow...
hands raised in protest

Posted by: Larry Jul 19 12, 11:30

pros test hand raising
trying to find an answer
what was the question

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 19 12, 14:34

Watt had a question:
Can I compute conversion
rates of energy?

Posted by: Larry Jul 19 12, 15:54

energy of frights
equals the terrified mass
times the speed of flight

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 20 12, 09:04

speed of flight at times
is slower traveling west --
head winds... clock bacwards

Posted by: Larry Jul 21 12, 14:42

backwoods clock wounds heads
when the gnomon is a cane
some lessons take time



Gnomon: Upright part of a Sundial

Posted by: JustDaniel Jul 23 12, 08:08

gnome lessons take time
into a new dimension...
an ancient garden

Posted by: Larry Aug 7 12, 00:04

ancient guardian
protects valuable knowledge
and the small minded

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 7 12, 07:53

small mind did
what most small minds do:
follow the crowd

Posted by: Larry Aug 9 12, 13:25

a fellow de-crowed
his cornfield with a falcon
now he’s a ravin’

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 10 12, 07:24

northeast http://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/common_raven/lifehistory
soon to be more common;
smart to move back

Posted by: Larry Aug 19 12, 14:30

it's smart to move back
children with college degrees
need education

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 20 12, 08:03

knead education
into the family dough;
bake well in life's fire

Posted by: Larry Aug 21 12, 14:08

baked well in wife’s ire
his heated dispute cooled in
the dog house out back

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 22 12, 12:14

dog hosed his back;
offended garden gnome
burned down his house

Posted by: Larry Aug 25 12, 16:21

burning down his house
the ashes fell like feathers
and his goose was cooked

Posted by: JustDaniel Aug 28 12, 08:21

gnome's goose was cooked
when they found him with the torch;
his anger oozed

Posted by: Larry Sep 3 12, 15:23

the gnome's angry ruse
was dwarfed only by revenge
for homes goblin' trees

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 5 12, 07:31

trees goblin' homes
in the great forest fire;
can't tell which is witch

Posted by: Larry Sep 5 12, 19:13

tell witches to switch
from brooms to vacuum cleaners
for more poise in flights

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 6 12, 11:57

when porpoises fly
the seagulls are nonplussed;
they'll see but a splash

Posted by: Larry Sep 9 12, 23:21

they'll see a butt splash
cannonballs in empty pools
affect a stern umm

Posted by: JustDaniel Sep 19 12, 07:14

he cracked his sternum
while tackling their halfback...
back to the bench

Posted by: Larry Sep 29 12, 15:33

with back to the beach
a surfer paddled through waves
to ride sunset's tide

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 2 12, 17:43

son sets ride afire
at the ocean pier fun park...
dad surfs for lawyer

Posted by: Larry Oct 4 12, 14:18

dad serves four layer
cake every day of the week
with hot fudge Sundays

Posted by: JustDaniel Oct 8 12, 16:36

with thought for Sunday
he charged into the weekend;
he gives cash at church

Posted by: Larry Oct 11 12, 00:09

hedgers clash at church
evading the obvious
pews are filled with buts