Are You Going to Leave it There?***, By Sekhmet Options

[Sekhmet]

ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE IT THERE?

"Are you going to leave it there?" said Eve, looking doubtfully at the rapidly browning apple core.

Adam shifted guiltily from foot to foot, and searched the leaves of the, now fruitless, apple tree for inspiration.

"It's no good looking at me!" the Snake hissed, in what Eve thought was a rather defensive tone. " I only pointed out how tasty it looked". "And besides," it continued. "apples aren't really my thing". A silver forked tongue flicked casually out, and skewered a passing dragon fly.

Adam cleared his throat,and groaned, his voice heavy with doom. (Which was quite a new experience for all of them).

"HE is not going to be happy about this!"

Adam looked, as usual, towards the woman for help; but was suddenly distracted by the sight of her naked body. There was something strangely disturbing about all that exposed flesh.

" OK, I'll pick the rotten thing up." snapped Eve. "HE wouldn't like us to leave HIS Garden untidy." So she bent over, and with great fastidiousness picked up the apple core between her thumb and first finger.

Adam and the Snake contemplated Eve's plump little rump in silence. They gave each other an appraising look. Adam felt a definite stirring in what GOD had called Adam's 'Instrument of Procreation'. Whatever that was supposed to mean. He regarded himself with interest and, indeed, a certain amount of satisfaction.

The Snake watched too, a sneer of derision playing about its bloodless lips. Without too obviously moving, the serpent slowly extended its sinuous body to its fullest, muscular extent; and cast a challenging look in Adam's direction.

Eve, totally oblivious of all the macho posturing behind her back, was still casting about for somewhere to hide the incriminating apple core. For reasons Eve could not even guess, all the leaves were falling from the trees, and this gave her an idea. Without wasting a single glance on Adam and the Snake, she gathered up an armful of leaves, and stripped lengths of vine from a nearby grape bush.

With her tongue projecting between her teeth, Eve busily set about using the leaves and vines to fabricate two simple leaf purses. She hummed happily to herself as she wove and tucked the leaves into a pleasing pattern.

Finally, she popped the apple core neatly into one of the purses, and tied it with vine around her waist. It hung prettily from just below where her navel might have been. (If she'd had one). Satisfied, she looked up from her work.

She was astounded to see that the Snake was now hanging woozily from the highest branch of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, which only a few moments ago had held that fateful, delicious apple.

Eve gave Adam a questioning look.

"That! That!' Adam did not yet know any really useful expletives with which to describe the Snake.

"That... That... Snake ... looked at you in a funny way! So I kicked it - hard!" He muttered with a triumphant look in his eye.

Eve smiled brilliantly at Adam

"Gosh!" she whispered, impressed.

To reward him for his bravery, she tied the second leaf purse, with its long vine strap, around his waist.

It was at this moment, that GOD chose to manifest himself.

HE beamed benevolently around the orchard, until HIS eyes fell upon the now apple-less apple tree, embellished by a furious Snake.

" Tell me " said GOD, mildly, whilst regarding the hissing Snake.

" ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE IT THERE?"

[Larry]

Hi Leo,

Having been raised in "Church" oriented childrens homes, I couldn't believe how funny this was or how delightful the duality of meaning and the connotations those words evoked in your beginning/ending phrase. Thanks for a new insight on Eden.

During the third read, I saw what I thought to be an omission of a word:

Without too obviously moving, the serpent slowly extended its sinuous body to its fullest, muscular extent; and cast a challenging shadow in Adam's direction.

Was this, perhaps, history's first of many "testosterone moments" and also the first time a woman picked up after a man?

Thanks for the laughs,
Larry

[Sekhmet]

Good morning Larry, and thank you for visiting the out-of-the-way Short Story corner to read a whimsical tale.
Funnily enough, I also started life in a religious children's home, so perhaps we both gained slightly irreverent view of Genesis.
Thank you too for enjoying the humo(u)r of this Eden story.
You are quite right, there was indeed a missing word; and 'shadow' would have been perfectly apt. I have inserted the original word. 'look', which vanished into hyper-space somewhere between copying and pasting.
Hugs,
Leo

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Leo, What a riot, I laughed at this irreverent tale with the double innuendos. Great stuff.

Steve

[Sekhmet]

Hi Steve - we old ducks often have a wicked side; and long observation of the way young men vie with each other for the attention of a sexy girl led me to believe that that snake was responsible for a great deal more than suggesting that an apple might be a tasty desert.
Good to hear from you!
Hugs,
Leo