Berta Handles Her Business, True stories of people I know Options

[merle]

Stanking Hank didn’t actually stink, it was his ways that had a person crinkling up their nose and taking a step back. Once he became addicted to Crack, his life ran parallel to a country song. He lost his job, his woman, his home, and his truck. If he had owned a dog, I’m sure he would have lost that too. The problem was he bought his drugs on credit and his VA check had bid adieu long gone before he had a chance to cash it. He turned to thieving as a way to subsidize his habit.

Now addicts don’t eat much but Stanking Hank would’ve starved if it wasn’t for his daughter, Berta, who lived across the street. Berta was a solidly built woman with three roly-poly children who liberally peppered their conversations with mam and sir. Stank Hank would eat supper at Berta’s almost every night and on the nights he didn’t put in an appearance at her dining table, she would send one of her children over with a plate.

When Stank’s second career in thievery was a little slow he would pawn the few possessions he owned. Once he pawned his living room furniture and Berta bought him another set. After he pawned the second set, Berta just shook her head and rustled up a few red milk crates for Stank to sit on. Stank was content to sleep curled up on the floor next to the radiator in the winter and underneath an open window during the summer. And if he didn’t mind the sparse living conditions then neither did Berta.

Berta also had a husband but I never knew his name or cared to know it for that matter. He was one of those people who felt the world owed him something and payment was long overdue. It was during the summer of 2005 Berta lost her husband. She didn’t misplace him of course; he did that himself by being in the bed of another woman who lived down in the projects. The woman’s man came home early and simply shot and killed Berta’s husband as he was trying to jimmy open a window to escape. Berta went about burying her cheating husband in that stoic manner she possessed and I admired. It wasn’t until after what happened to Stank that it crossed my mind there might be more to Berta than I thought.

While Berta and her children were attending the funeral someone broke into her apartment. Berta came home to find all her belongings gone. She didn’t mind losing the television or stereo so much, it was the glass mayonnaise jar she kept in her freezer stuffed full of emergency money that caused her some distress. When Berta started asking folks in the neighborhood if they had seen anything she expected everyone to claim temporary blindness but to her surprise they did indeed see something…a U-Haul moving truck parked outside her place and being loaded up. No, they didn’t recognize the ‘movers, assuming them to be family members they didn’t seem suspicious.

Piece by piece Berta’s goods found their way home, first the television and then the stereo but sadly, never the money. Berta never inquired how or why this happened but the deliveries of items came back with the same byline…’Your Daddy sold this to me.’ She confronted Stank but he denied any involvement in the crime and life went back to normal.

A few weeks later while Stank was hanging with the dope dealers on the corner, a black Cadillac pulled up. Two men jumped out and attacked Stank. They whupped up on him pretty good and threw him in the car. I never saw him again and as far as I know nobody else did either. Eventually the milk crates were cleared out and his apartment was rented to someone else. It was never proven Berta had anything to do with her husband’s demise or Stank’s disappearance but I have a feeling Berta handles her business.

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Robin, interesting story, I am not sure the name Stank Hank works here, it keeps me wanting to stop and think about it every time I see it. I understand what you are trying to do with it, but I wonder if there is another name you could come up with, Berta is a wonderful character, and I expect she does indeed know her business. You have some wonderful stories inside that head...I have some in mine but mine all seem to be a bit on the seamy side...even if they are true, I had a strange youth...lol. I certainly hope that you can find another name, or maybe it is just me, will have to wait and see what others think.

Take Care
Steve

[merle]

Hi Steve -

I wasn't actually trying to be creative with names...it's what he was called and using his real name helped me write everything down. However, it's probably a good idea to change the names in my story to protect the innocent....me! Any suggestions? I would like to read your stories, seamy or not, nothing surprises me. Thanks for stopping by, my door is open anytime.

Robin

[Kimi]

I am so glad you decided to write these stories. This one fascinates me, as I can't imagine living like that. You did a great job telling the story and using the right discriptive words. It as if i was there. Keep writing, I enjoy your stories of your neighborhood.
Hugs
love kimi

[Eisa]

Hi Robin

I really enjoyed this - even more than your last story. (Could it be another chapbook entry?)

Snow

[merle]

Hi Kimi -

Thanks for the encouragement. I'll keep writing if you keep reading.

Robin

[merle]

Hi Snow -

Nice to hear from you. I'm pleased you enjoyed Berta's story. Another chapbook entry? Sure, why not?

Robin

[Guest_bombadil1247_*]

Hi, Merle,

I've read this over many times, enjoying it immensely. I like the tone and the underlying humour and it reinforces an old Yorkshire saying that 'there's nowt as queer as folk!' I don't have any nits per se but would like to focus your attention on a few sections where I stumbled a little.

Stanking Hank didn’t actually stink, it was his ways that had a person crinkling up their nose and taking a step back. Once he became addicted to Crack, his life ran parallel to a country song. He lost his job, his woman, his home, and his truck. If he had owned a dog, I’m sure he would have lost that too. The problem was he bought his drugs on credit and his VA check had bid adieu long gone before he had a chance to cash it. He turned to thieving as a way to subsidize his habit.

The second sentence in this paragraph sounds 'wrong' to me, perhaps even a little stilted. I would prefer if it went more like 'Once he became a crack head his life went all Country.' since that would fit the colloquial 'feel' of this tale.

Now addicts don’t eat much but Stanking Hank would’ve starved if it wasn’t for his daughter, Berta, who lived across the street. Berta was a solidly built woman with three roly-poly children who liberally peppered their conversations with mam and sir. Stank Hank would eat supper at Berta’s almost every night and on the nights he didn’t put in an appearance at her dining table, she would send one of her children over with a plate.

I enjoyed this section, particularly the description of the children, but wonder about 'at her dining table'; do you really need these words?

When Stank’s second career in thievery was a little slow he would pawn the few possessions he owned. Once he pawned his living room furniture and Berta bought him another set. After he pawned the second set, Berta just shook her head and rustled up a few red milk crates for Stank to sit on. Stank was content to sleep curled up on the floor next to the radiator in the winter and underneath an open window during the summer. And if he didn’t mind the sparse living conditions then neither did Berta.

Again, this is lovely detail. My only stumble was over 'After he pawned the second set' since 'set' is repeated so soon; how about 'When he pawned that lot too...'?

Berta also had a husband but I never knew his name or cared to know it for that matter. He was one of those people who felt the world owed him something and payment was long overdue. It was during the summer of 2005 Berta lost her husband. She didn’t misplace him of course; he did that himself by being in the bed of another woman who lived down in the projects. The woman’s man came home early and simply shot and killed Berta’s husband as he was trying to jimmy open a window to escape. Berta went about burying her cheating husband in that stoic manner she possessed and I admired. It wasn’t until after what happened to Stank that it crossed my mind there might be more to Berta than I thought.

This little nugget was so believable except for the idea that he would need to 'jimmy open a window' from the inside, there may be alternatives for you to consider - maybe he didn't make it to the window?

While Berta and her children were attending the funeral someone broke into her apartment. Berta came home to find all her belongings gone. She didn’t mind losing the television or stereo so much, it was the glass mayonnaise jar she kept in her freezer stuffed full of emergency money that caused her some distress. When Berta started asking folks in the neighborhood if they had seen anything she expected everyone to claim temporary blindness but to her surprise they did indeed see something…a U-Haul moving truck parked outside her place and being loaded up. No, they didn’t recognize the ‘movers, assuming them to be family members they didn’t seem suspicious.

This para strengthens our image of Hank but I have a problem with the 'glass mayonnaise jar' causing distress - surely it was the loss of the jar that caused this? Plus I would have preferred a stronger contrast with the 'She didn't mind..' thought by using 'did cause..' rather than 'caused' there.

Of course, these are just one reader's opinions and suggestions - yours to use or lose as you choose. Really enjoyed this though,
Jim

[merle]

Hi Jim -

You can't imagine my surprise and delight to read an indepth review! This is exactly what I need to round out my writing. Thank you.

I understand where you're heading when you use the word 'Country'. However, and this is where the cultural differences come into play, the word 'country' in my neighborhood is used to describe a person; i.e. He's so country...which means square, uncool, not hip. I'm not sure how to rearrange this sentence but will work on it.

You're right about not needing 'at her dining table', consider them tossed.

Thanks for catching the double 'set' usage. I need to clean up those two sentences.

Ah! 'Jimmy open a window'. Here I made the mistake of thinking everyone lives right around the corner from me because windows are painted shut in these old run down apartments, you and many other readers wouldn't know this. Nice catch on your part and I should elaborate further for the reader.

And finally, yes, it was the LOSS of the mayonaise jar.

Again, thank you for the time and consideration you put into reading and reviewing. This has been immensely helpful to me.

Robin

[Eisa]

Hi Robin

I just remembered this great story and wondered if you were still going to enter it into Odin's Chapbook competition - as it's finishing at the end of this month.

Hope you are well.

Snow