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> Crayons Don't Cry
Guest_ohsteve_*
post Feb 17 10, 00:27
Post #1





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Crayons Don't Cry

Colored smudges on the table top
from the picture she drew, now hanging
by alphabet magnets on our fridge.

A typical drawing of a six year old;
stick figures of mom and dad,
her and baby sister.

Yellow flowers in front of a red house,
with a bee as big as a hummingbird.

Our house isn't red...

That's OK, I put smoke coming out
the top, but we don't have a fireplace.


Why do mommy and daddy have tears?
'Cause you're sad about nana dying.
Why don't you have tears?
'Cause I know, she's in heaven.

She went out to play, while thoughts
of red houses, fireplaces and heaven
soared with my afternoon tea.

Feb. 17, 2010
© Steve Pray
 
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Arnfinn
post Feb 17 10, 03:56
Post #2


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G'day Steve.

You must enjoy, as I do, the trust and acknowledgement that young minds
accept in answer to their questions.

This poem is typical and soo true to todays grandchild.

Every word written is an everyday experience. troy.gif

A most enjoyable poem mate. troy.gif


A couple of days ago Pam and my daughter Andrea went to Sydney to visit a specialist.

Andrea suffers from Cardio Myopathy and MS.

I was left, in their wake, to look after our grandson, Angus, '8Yrs, 9 in March.'

We were playing, Monopoly, not as a board game, as a card game.

In the card game there is a card 'Just say No',. When this card is acquired, If any other
player asks for any of the cards you hold, you play this card 'Just say No'.
and the raid on cards is thwarted.
Our grandson calls us Mama (Pam) and Papa (me).
I said to Angus, wouldn't it be fun to make a 'Just say No' card for Papa to play when Mama
comes home from Sydney.

His eye lit up and he said, Yeeeah.

He spent 15 minutes making the card on a blank 11B envelope, and I placed in my top pocket.
When Pam came home she asked me to feed the animals.
I played Angus's 'Just say No' card.
Pam read the card and we all had a good laugh, most of all Angus. troy.gif

It is little things like this that make life, so special, mate.


A great poem.

Made my day,mate.


John troy.gif


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Arnfinn

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Maggie
post Feb 17 10, 07:52
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Hi Steve,

Very touching poem!!! Bittersweet to my mind! The passing of one generation and the younger generation coming along to carry the torch of life. It plucked my heart strings for I'm at the same stage of life.

Peggy


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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Feb 17 10, 18:54
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Arnie/John what a wonderful thing to have happen, my grandkids all call me Papa too just like I did to my grandfather. They all call my wife Nana just like everyone called her mother. Traditions that go on from generation to generation, the little things that make life worth living. I had my mind on something completely different when this popped in and said write me...I am so glad you enjoyed.

Steve
 
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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Feb 17 10, 18:59
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Peggy, I am glad the bittersweet came across, I was trying very hard for that. Anyone that doen't have kids can ever know the joyful sorrows they bring. They are after all, our tomorrows. Thanks for reading and enjoying.

Steve
 
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Psyche
post Feb 18 10, 00:07
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OhSteve, I'm coming back here! You've made us all emotional with this lovely piece. It has a touching finale, just the right mood.

My grandkids also call me Nana. I like that!

I think I have some nits, but it's not the moment now, just wanted to join the admiring throng!

Congrats, keep 'em coming!

Syl***


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"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

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Thoth
post Feb 18 10, 23:40
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Steve

This is such a beautiful and familiar sketch to us "Grandies".

For me, it hit some particularly strong emotional triggers as for several months after returning home from hospital it was a little five-year-old girl at my bedside all day, drawing pictures such as this and delighting in my company that kept me from sliding away into depression.

We are blessed indeed to be witness to our own continuence.

That is a very special piece, it put a lump in my throat.

Thank you for reminding me of the good moments.

Wally



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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Feb 22 10, 21:03
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Sylvia and Wally, I am very glad you both enjoyed, I enjoyed writing it, If it touches a special place inside then I feel proud to have written it.

Steve
 
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hellfire
post Feb 24 10, 10:20
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a truly endearing piece seen through the eyes and wisdom of a child.as a father myself i believe we learn much more from children about life and ourselves.well appreciated and thanks for sharing.

cheers


hellfire
 
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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Feb 24 10, 19:45
Post #10





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James, Thank you for reading and the kind words. As parents and grandparents we continue to be amazed at our children.

Steve
 
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Kay
post Feb 25 10, 12:17
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Steve,
This poem is so original. It was a joy to read.
Only line I would suggest maybe doing without is soaring with the tea. That seemed odd, somehow.

Thanks for the read here.


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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Feb 25 10, 23:21
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Kay thank you for reading and for you comments, it was just that the narrator went in and sat with her tea, and had thoughts about the conversation and the drawing is all. Tea in England means an afternoon lunch, usually with a cup of tea. hope that makes you understand the line.

Steve
 
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Cleo_Serapis
post Apr 8 10, 18:39
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Referred By:Imhotep



Hi Steve,

I enjoyed the simplicity of this one. The innocence of the child is sweet on me. I did get a bit confused as to who was talking and would like to see you either use italics for the conversation or the quotes.


Colored smudges on the table top
from the picture she drew, now hanging
by alphabet magnets on our fridge.
If you could personify this somehow - like the magnets grasping the image, then a reflection to the smudges on table, maybe something of a switch here so the alphabet magnets come alive and are indicative of holding on like a portrait memory?

A typical drawing of a six year old;
stick figures of mom and dad,
her and baby sister.
I would swap with baby sister and herself.

Yellow flowers in front of a red house,
with a bee as big as a hummingbird.

Our house isn't red...


That's OK, I put smoke coming out
the top, but we don't have a fireplace.

This seems odd to me - are two people thinking here, talking aloud or is it one person, the girl? I would say 'even though we don't have a fireplace.'

Why do mommy and daddy have tears?
'Cause you're sad about nana dying.
Why don't you have tears?
'Cause I know, she's in heaven.
Delete the comma - are these the two sisters talking?

She went out to play, while thoughts
of red houses, fireplaces and heaven
soared with my afternoon tea.
Instead of stating the fact of play - could you introduce a particular activity she would do? The 'soared' with my afternoon tea seems disjointed here - but perhaps swapping the lines - start with the sipping tea (or introduce aromas etc.) and then refer to the play and how they might link together - perhaps she is having a tea party outside on the patio with her bestest dolls in their Sunday best?

Hoping this is helpful Steve!
Enjoyed the read,
~Cleo sun.gif


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Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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4rum
post Apr 11 10, 00:17
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Few can see with the purity of a six year old. The italics cleared up any difficulty I had in reading. This piece plays like a little vingnette allowing us a glimpse into a larger story. It is complete though and is very much like the snapshots that make up each of our lives. Your poem is very simple yet it reveals a complexity that challenges understanding. You handled it well.

'rum


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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Apr 11 10, 20:16
Post #15





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Thank you Forum for reading and your kind words.

Steve
 
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Peterpan
post Apr 12 10, 04:10
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Hi Steve~

I just love it!

Oh the trust and innocence of the young??? To be a child again!!!!

Wonderful. Thank you for posting it!

Bev


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anaisa
post Jun 9 10, 00:07
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Hi Steve,

This is really sweet- I loved it.
Great job on all of it!

K


QUOTE (ohsteve @ Feb 17 10, 00:27 ) *
Crayons Don't Cry

Colored smudges on the table top
from the picture she drew, now hanging
by alphabet magnets on our fridge.

A typical drawing of a six year old;
stick figures of mom and dad,
her and baby sister.

Yellow flowers in front of a red house,
with a bee as big as a hummingbird.

Our house isn't red...

That's OK, I put smoke coming out
the top, but we don't have a fireplace.


Why do mommy and daddy have tears?
'Cause you're sad about nana dying.
Why don't you have tears?
'Cause I know, she's in heaven.

She went out to play, while thoughts
of red houses, fireplaces and heaven
soared with my afternoon tea.

Feb. 17, 2010
© Steve Pray



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Ephiny
post Jun 9 10, 04:14
Post #18


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From: Ireland
Member No.: 41
Real Name: Lucie
Writer of: Poetry & Prose



Hi Steve,

This is so beautiful and so absolutely right...the child's voice is just perfect. You give a lovely insight into her world and the poignancy of that place where the worlds of the child and the adult touch.

Yellow flowers in front of a red house,
with a bee as big as a hummingbird.
(brilliant...I love the way children portray little things as big in their drawings)

and this is wonderful:

Our house isn't red...

That's OK, I put smoke coming out
the top, but we don't have a fireplace.


I also love how you ended it...again, that clash between worlds and a quiet, peaceful end where the adult is soothed and strengthened by the vision of the child...that's a simplisitic way of putting it, I know but I really liked it.

I can't think of any suggestions for you but I really enjoyed this (and love your title) xx


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Lucie

"What could have made her peaceful with a mind
That nobleness made simple as a fire,
With beauty like a tightened bow, a kind
That is not natural in an age like this,
Being high and solitary and most stern?
Why, what could she have done, being what she is?
Was there another Troy for her to burn?"
WB Yeats "No Second Troy"

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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Jun 10 10, 22:46
Post #19





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Bev, Thanks for reading and your kind words, yes it is amazing the stories that a childs picture will tell.

Take care
steve
 
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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Jun 10 10, 22:52
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Karen, thanks for reading and for your kind words, they mean a lot to me from one although you haven't been here at MM very long you have really impressed me with your writing, your joining seems to have sparked a renewal of interest, which is all to the good.

Take care
Steve
 
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