Eisa:

Beautiful picture..beautiful lines.
One reall chincy comment: the first line has, I believe, only four syllables where in the haiku structure five are needed. "Large dark eyes flutter"?

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Peggy:

Thank you; I have done the appropriate edit...now if I could only learn to type. Glad it gave you a smile.

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There once was an emu called Betty Lou
who covered a golf course with derring do;
the golfers complained;
the club pro was pained,
but the grass on the greens was like new.

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WallY;

These show your mastery of the genre. I particularly lik 1, 2, and 5. A good chuckle from all but the last. I agree somewhat with Cleo on the last one. Although probably no poetic rule should be hard and fast, it does seem like limericks should have some element of humor.

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Daniel:

I bow before greater breverist (?).

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Peggy: You are completely right. Have changed the title. Thank you for the read and the kind words.

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In light of all the healh care controversy, thought it might be o.k. to go back to lines I wrote in the Teri Schivo situation....remember?

Ishmael:

I'm afraid I have to agree with Wally. One gets the sense of a good poem, but can never quite graso where you are going with it. You have some nice images and thoughts wish they were tied togther with more clarity. For what it's worth...only my opinion.

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Peggy:

I have tried to comment on this well done limirick and keep having computer problems. So I'll try again. Good idea slips a little in the rhythm of the first two lines and the rhyme of lines 3 and
4. Just my thought; others may disagree.

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Alan:


I should have replied to this one sooner to comment upon the uniquen rhyme scheme
(something like A-B-A-C; D-E-D-C; F-G-F-C; H-I-H-C ?) and to say how I enjoyed the final line
(unfortunately with which I am too familiar).


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Alan:


I should have replied to this one sooner to comment upon the uniquen rhyme scheme
(something like A-B-A-C; D-E-D-C; F-G-F-C; H-I-H-C ?) and to say how I enjoyed the final line
(unfortunately with which I am too familiar).


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Thoth:

Vey good rhyme, excellent rhythm but best of all is the extended image. Well done.

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John:


Makes an excellent visual poem and ther delays and pauses make it realitistic. In fact I have no problem with any of the lines. Well done,

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Alice:

Sorry to be so late in posting, but as I was trying to critique another entrty that sorta combined prosaic work with poetry I remembered your entry. So thanks for the education One question on the poetic part: blue or black (inky) pelicans?


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Alice:

That's easy:

The Big Finish

I
die.

Couldn't resist.

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Syl:

Thank you so very much; wish I could have you and Dee edit me before I post. I agree completely on the first line colon and the third line comma; however, gramatically I think the second line does require the semicolon to seperate two complete sentences.
Thank you again.

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Dee:

Thanks for the read and the suggestions. I want to mull them over a bit. I sort of like the drawing out of the last two words and lines. I wanted a sort of halting approach.

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John:


I loved this. I was a little put off and shocked at the beginning, but the longer I read, the better I liked it.Ican see how writing it was inspirational. I wouldn't change a wqord.

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Ohsteve:

You are, of course, correct about using "c" as a word; I have changed it to "see". Your poem would fit the title, but, alas, has no rhyme. And actually, in thinking through your comment I have come up with an even shorter poem entitled:

My Secret for Success

I
try.


The Pilot

I
fly.


I do think I havan old Mexican peso note here some place; will that do?

Thanks for the interest and the read.


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I tried to post this before, but it seemingly didn't take, so I'll try again.

I have often heard that the shortest poem is:
Fleas

Adam
Had 'em.

I suggest that my poem "Ego" is shorter:

Ego

See
me.

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Peggy * Syl:

You are both completely correct. What's worse for an old English teacher...they aren't even used correctly. Thanks for the read and the comments.

Alice:

Nice image. But even if you ignore the 5-7-5 aspect of the haiku, should not one at least attempt a 4-6-4 or something that ballances line 1 and 3? Just quibbling...bear with me.

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Alice:

Lovely image and a nice short poem. Whether it is a haiku or not is probably open to debate. I believe haiku's have a 5-7-5 rhythm. Something like:

Still these are nice lines. In fact they are better than mine.

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Dan:

I truly emjoyed these lines; well done. I pretty much agree with Mark's suggestions, but, of course, I have one or two of mjy own:

I would use a semi-colon at the end of line 3 to tie these lines together more closely.
I would also use the semi-colon at the end of line 7.
I would particularly likedf the imagery in lines11-13. Send a chill through.
I might use a full stop after "grinds" And start the next lkine with "It".
I really appreciated the allitertive siftness of the final line.

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