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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ GOOD OLD CEMENT

Posted by: Alan Oct 17 10, 00:19

GOOD OLD CEMENT

We’ll shoot the breeze and pine for home
we’ll beat our chests, hearts throb with pain
we’ll permeate these foreign parts
and then - we’ll do it all again

We’ll breathe mind’s air, tingling of “there”
we’ll hale old memories from deep glass
we’ll axe the present, shed sweet tears
and glorify some ancient past

Our flow, it’s one of “Good Old Days”
and yet, how was it that we went ?
Perhaps small death when we “escaped”
what wasn’t faced, set in cement ?

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Challenge words : breeze pine beat throb
permeate breathe tingling hale axe flow

Posted by: Alan Oct 24 10, 03:16

What a powerful poem this is - brought the whole board to a standstill for a whole week !

Love
Alan

Posted by: ohsteve Oct 24 10, 09:05

Alan, I don't think it is the poem, it is just that a lot of us get caught up in our lives. I read your poem and have been mulling over and answer that would fit what you have written. It is getting harder and harder for me to keep up with every thing going on. The only excuse I have is due to my illness and its side effects. I would much rather be in a finer form and able to rally a swift answer back across the net at you, but I just can't do it any more, like everything else in my life i must put a semi hold on things I do. I think that a lot of us are in similar cases we all have family life to carry on with and unfortunately poetry gets short shrift. And answering your own poem with a short bit of sarcasm doesnt seem to be a very welcomed course of action.

As for the poem, I like it all but the last bit, not sure I understand why we are all in cement?

Take cAre
Steve

Posted by: Alan Oct 24 10, 10:42

Dear Steve,

Nice to hear from you, even if it is with a good description of how it is going over here as well !

But "answering your own poem with a short bit of sarcasm doesn't seem to be a very welcomed course of action" was not meant to be sarcasm, but humor. I do NOT ascribe that sort of power to me or my works. A whole week of no further input on the board is amazing.

Love
Alan

Posted by: Eisa Oct 25 10, 14:14

Hi Alan

I'm sorry no-one has answered earlier, but Steve has given some insight into our problems. I've been in Seren's for most of the time.

As to the poem - it is well written, but like Steve I'm a bit confused by the ending. Perhpas you'd enlighten us.

Snow

Posted by: JLY Oct 26 10, 11:23

Alan,
As usual you have a poem that has an underlayment of a witty perspective. Do I take your "set in cement ?" to be similar to the cliche, "engraved in stone."?

JLY

Posted by: Alan Oct 26 10, 12:06

Dear Steve, Snow and John,

Thank you all for the comments, and the puzzlement !

Our flow, it’s one of “Good Old Days”
and yet, how was it that we went ?

......IF those days were so good, why are we not still there, rather than abroad ?

Perhaps small death when we “escaped”
what wasn’t faced, set in cement ?

......Amongst all the glory memories, was there something that we failed to handle, did wrong, goofed up ? Any of these is a "small death", and regardless of what one thinks on the surface, these things still resonate within us. They stick us to that time, that incident. Set in stone, set in cement.

That is why Carousel, or Field Of Dreams, are amongst my favourite movies - a chance TO GO BACK AND MAKE AMENDS !

Does this help explain the poem ?

Love
Alan

Posted by: Psyche Oct 27 10, 17:57

LOL LOL , Alan!
You've made me giggle.
Syl***

QUOTE (Alan @ Oct 24 10, 11:16 )

What a powerful poem this is - brought the whole board to a standstill for a whole week !

Love
Alan