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> My LoveLoves Me Not (after Herrick)
RC James
post Nov 21 15, 07:26
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Keeps happening with my stuff, no idea why. Here, hopefully, is the full poem:


Fate Resigns, Re-designs Us



I could not through any form of tyranny
wound you as you sit ensconced in quiet thought,
though my sad heart is burdened with memory
of you when you were all I clumsily sought.

Yes, another suitor with true intentions,
let him take straight away from my love the breath
your beauty so instilled in my inventions,
vanquished soundly now, as firmly as grey death.
 
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Merlin
post Nov 24 15, 12:18
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Hello RC,
Seems there's been some corruption happened to the thread; happens to me now and again. Or did you intend to present what we see?


When laws full power have to sway, we see
Little or no part there of tyranny. RH.


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AMETHYST
post Nov 24 15, 21:23
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Hello RC,

I am Liz. I am glad to meet you. Especially that I read this a few times and each time found nuggets of enjoyable word-smithing. For now, the only thing that feels awkward to me is L3 whereas, 'symmetry of your face...' reads smooth. The rough or crass feel I get from 'in your face' gives a sound of force or distaste from the narrator - However, that may be what you are going for, in which case it works well. Perhaps that double edge of love/hate -

Anyway, I will look in again tomorrow evening with fresh eyes.

Best Wishes, Amethyst


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Luce
post Nov 25 15, 01:15
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Richard,

I'll look in again once the kinks in posting your poem are resolved.

Cheers.

Luce
 
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Eisa
post Nov 25 15, 05:33
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Hi Richard

I've just closed the large white space in your poem but then thought perhaps there were other stanzas that have just disappeared. Didn't you have this before?

If you are having any problems at all then you must go to Nero's News to report it as Cleo_Serapis & Imoptep are trying to sort problems out & want to know who & what they are dealng with. If you can't find Nero's news there is an announcement in Basilica just underneath the Introduce yourself section. at the top.

Eira


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RC James
post Nov 27 15, 11:46
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I tried to add the full text again.
 
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Eisa
post Nov 27 15, 12:52
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Richard - send your complete poem to Imhotep in a private message.

Eira


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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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RC James
post Nov 27 15, 15:13
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Eisa - The full text is on theboardf now, RC
 
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Eisa
post Nov 27 15, 16:46
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Are you sure more of your poem hasn't disapeared again? I see only 2 stanzas - I thought there was more.

Eira


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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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Merlin
post Nov 27 15, 17:31
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Fur what it's worth, when I did (or do) a quick edit, stuff happens - garbled quotes, disappeared text, etc.


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Eisa
post Nov 27 15, 19:04
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QUOTE (Merlin @ Nov 27 15, 22:31 ) *
Fur what it's worth, when I did (or do) a quick edit, stuff happens - garbled quotes, disappeared text, etc.


Merlin - You should report any problems like this in the thread in Nero's News or pm Imhotep/Cleo_Serapis


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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Merlin
post Nov 27 15, 19:08
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Cleo is aware of the situation and was having it looked into. I haven't done any creative posting lately so don't know if the problem persists, but looking at this thread, it may take a better look.
Thx Eisa.


Qwik edit
Perhaps Nero is still fiddling.


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Psyche
post Nov 28 15, 01:54
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QUOTE (RC James @ Nov 21 15, 10:26 ) *
Keeps happening with my stuff, no idea why. Here, hopefully, is the full poem:


Hi RC, I'm sorry you've had problems with your postings. Hopefully, it's been solved now. But do report any future trouble to Cleo_Serapis or Imhotep. My own problem with the Edit button has been solved. In any case, Full Edit is the best choice, but I understand new members can't do that, no idea why.





Fate Resigns, Re-designs Us <<<<Good title, caught my eye at once.


I could not through any form of tyranny
wound you as you sit ensconced in quiet thought,
though my sad heart is burdened with memory <<<<<another word for 'sad'?
of you when you were all I clumsily sought. <<<<<A pity about 'you' twice

Yes, another suitor with true intentions, <<<<<<<Subject's intentions were not good?...LOL...or perhaps he thought there was plenty of time. A shame!

let him take straight away from my love the breath
your beauty so instilled in my inventions, <<<<<<A dreamer...

vanquished soundly now, as firmly as grey death. <<<<<Grim but good finale. I like it.

I don't know whether this is a special form of poetry, or whether you simply wanted to make two rhyming quartets. I'm not a meter-maid...LOL...so I'll leave that bit for the experts.
Lovely, nostalgic offering, tx for sharing.
Psyche


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Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
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Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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JustDaniel
post Nov 28 15, 08:58
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Is this the intended poem?

I had looked in before and then went to do some investigation on "Herrick", and when I returned this seems to not be the same poem... and it certainly does not have the original title. I'm afraid that I'm confused, but I will be back.

My only impression at this point is that a few of the word-choices are a little awkward.... kind of unnatural speech.

I'll be back to check in.

deLighting in the new activity, Daniel sun.gif

QUOTE (RC James @ Nov 21 15, 07:26 ) *
Fate Resigns, Re-designs Us

I could not through any form of tyranny
wound you as you sit ensconced in quiet thought,
though my sad heart is burdened with memory
of you when you were all I clumsily sought.

Yes, another suitor with true intentions,
let him take straight away from my love the breath
your beauty so instilled in my inventions,
vanquished soundly now, as firmly as grey death.



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Slow down; things will go faster!

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