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hellfire
Posted on: Jul 2 12, 07:55


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thanks wallly

appreciate the feedback..considering further changes which will hopefully improve the piece.

all the best

james
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #128636 · Replies: 5 · Views: 3,156

hellfire
Posted on: Jun 18 12, 05:06


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thanks alan.

appreciate you looking in

warm regards

james
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #128517 · Replies: 5 · Views: 3,156

hellfire
Posted on: Jun 15 12, 04:01


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


the wolves returned

somewhere
between
the abundance of wine
fickle dreams
and my mother’s orchard

when
the voice of summer
grew silent
quietly occupying
a dark vacant tree

no longer willing
to wrestle
with seagulls, salted swells
or the wisdom
of candlelight

yet, upon my dawn
faint flickers remain
and desert flowers
still hold
a sweet bitter taste
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #128496 · Replies: 5 · Views: 3,156

hellfire
Posted on: Sep 15 10, 12:29


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


Who am I
to question the wisdom
of ants

and melodies
that forever linger
upon the lips of sanity?
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #122792 · Replies: 2 · Views: 9,729

hellfire
Posted on: Sep 7 10, 03:33


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thanks Jim

appreciate the feedback. I must admit, was not satisfied with "trademarks" I think your suggestion suits the piece much better.

much appreciated

regards

james
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #122674 · Replies: 5 · Views: 4,580

hellfire
Posted on: Sep 4 10, 12:17


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thanks for the suggestion snow

making changes asap

cheers

james
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #122647 · Replies: 5 · Views: 4,580

hellfire
Posted on: Sep 1 10, 12:07


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


I seek
neither glory nor fame,
the ambitions of youth

In shipyards lay
long forgotten ships
painted with rust
and streaks
of seagull artistry

Their frames
are built
to carry heavy loads
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #122632 · Replies: 5 · Views: 4,580

hellfire
Posted on: Jul 31 10, 02:56


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thanks dani
appreciate all the comments and suggestions

cheers

hellfire
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #122307 · Replies: 5 · Views: 4,434

hellfire
Posted on: Jul 31 10, 02:50


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


sorry you feel that way sergio.
wsihing you all the best

cheers

hellfire
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #122306 · Replies: 5 · Views: 4,689

hellfire
Posted on: Jul 9 10, 09:17


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


And
as the sun
emerged
through
a kitchen window
sluggish, shameful
of its escapades.

At a pale-white table
a half-lit figure
sat quietly,
struggled
to find his voice.
His mood, charcoal
quashed
between the crevasses
of his clenched fists.

As he
raised his gaze
he told himself:
“today, is the day”
He knew
it was all bullshit…
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #122147 · Replies: 1 · Views: 2,669

hellfire
Posted on: Jun 28 10, 11:16


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


Death
was left,
blushing red

Abruptly caught
trying
to steal my breath
and mistook me for dead
while,
I stood there
on a desolate beach,
with idle hands
and bare feet

Silenced
by the sleepy waves
as they, half- awake
lulled
that ray of silence,
and hushed
those forgotten lullabies
that bore
the evil cries of trepidation

And yet
as it is
with our glorious sun,
love
will never rise
before its time...
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #122104 · Replies: 5 · Views: 4,434

hellfire
Posted on: Jun 22 10, 23:44


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


The clouds
scattered
hastily hurried
to their heavenly corners
among the realm
of a pastel-pink horizon
Where
we dwelled
so often
and spoke without words.
And yet
our hearts understood
beyond reason
and earthly wisdom
Knowing
that this, was meant to be

  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #122082 · Replies: 5 · Views: 4,689

hellfire
Posted on: May 24 10, 01:57


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


QUOTE (sandiegopoet @ May 24 10, 05:08 ) *
I like the authentic emotion here - of a relationship that doesn't quite come together, due in part to a past relationship that haunts the "other." I sense a neediness, perhaps even an indiscriminate neediness, on the part of the narrator, as indicated in the final stanza. And I posit that there's a tension, worthy of further exploration, between the particular attraction revealed in the earlier stanzas and the somewhat non-particular hunger revealed toward the poem's end.

Fred


thank you fred

appreciate the feedback and support

regards

hellfire
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121602 · Replies: 4 · Views: 4,037

hellfire
Posted on: May 23 10, 09:13


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


Somehow
the distance
seems wider,
impossible almost

I should have known
that
our tide
would
run its course,
when
visions of him
lay so awkwardly strewn,
tattooed
behind your smile,
and betrayed
by your eyes,
as he
frolics
among the rapids
of yesterday

And me
hoping,
foolishly hoping
not quite
the perfect painting
that
you were searching for,
Somehow
the strokes were off
or maybe
it was just the way
the light seemed to
bounce off
the barren landscape of my heart

How do I conquer
this mirage?
when I am just
thirsty.
for love, true love
How I wish
this season would pass
I love you,
but
I see nothing, but winter
In your eyes…
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121595 · Replies: 4 · Views: 4,037

hellfire
Posted on: May 16 10, 01:55


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thank you karin

appreciate the comments and support

regards

james
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121518 · Replies: 10 · Views: 7,221

hellfire
Posted on: May 4 10, 10:35


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thanks alan

appreciate the feedback

regards

james
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121402 · Replies: 10 · Views: 7,221

hellfire
Posted on: May 2 10, 23:42


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thank you sylvia

the changes are in effect. much appreciated

regards

james
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121385 · Replies: 10 · Views: 7,221

hellfire
Posted on: May 2 10, 23:34


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thnak you dani for the comments and suggestions. much appreciated

regards

helfire
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121383 · Replies: 10 · Views: 7,221

hellfire
Posted on: May 2 10, 03:18


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


Is it not true
that
the pursuit to nirvana
does not lie
hidden
within the murky depths
of earthly reason,
but rather
in eternal,
luminous springs
nurturing
the throbbing nucleus
of our souls.

They lay
within
our grasp
and yet
so often,
forgotten…
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121371 · Replies: 10 · Views: 7,221

hellfire
Posted on: Apr 21 10, 09:34


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thank you sergio

your comments are much appreciated

regards

hellfire
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121275 · Replies: 9 · Views: 5,919

hellfire
Posted on: Apr 20 10, 02:56


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thank you Merle for your continued support.i am glad you enjoyed the piece.

kind regards

hellfire
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121266 · Replies: 9 · Views: 5,919

hellfire
Posted on: Apr 19 10, 11:20


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thank you Peggy. I am glad you enjoyed the piece

kind regards

hellfire
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121252 · Replies: 9 · Views: 5,919

hellfire
Posted on: Apr 19 10, 03:14


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


And while the fog
rolled upon the moors
of discontent…

She half-smiled
from her dimly lit corner
reliving ecstasy's memories,
again.
He felt
hollow, somehow
Stripped bare
beneath the elements
of this dismal dwelling,
drowning in shades of sepia.
It was all coming undone,
words not spoken, echoing forever
between the halls
of empty spaces
among quiet murmurs
rising,
a murderer's heart

Too heavy was this burden
that weighed
upon his soul,
dreams
once so
anticipated,
so eagerly held
against that soft glimmer
of hope
so long ago,
now turned to dust
and
scattered
with the winds

He wondered, at that moment
if maybe
salvation,
his answer
lay beyond
these sad, empty spaces…
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121245 · Replies: 9 · Views: 5,919

hellfire
Posted on: Apr 14 10, 02:11


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


hi peggy

thank you for the comments and support.
with regards to the line:"strength of bones" it is the physical strength that we have that is never enough on our journey to salvation .it should be based on the stength of our character and spiritual awareness .our life should be focused on quality instead of quanitity with regards to the legacy we leave behind.

i hope this clarifies most of your questions and thank you again for support.

regards

hellfire
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121173 · Replies: 4 · Views: 3,888

hellfire
Posted on: Apr 13 10, 11:13


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798


thank you alan

I am glad you enjoyed the piece

regards

hellfire
  Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 · Post Preview: #121167 · Replies: 4 · Views: 3,888

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