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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies _ Dead in the Water

Posted by: Larry Sep 19 18, 08:26

Dead in the Water

One pallid eye peers through the leaden mist
to single out Poseidon’s future souls.
They wait for billowed sails. No zephyr kissed
damp canvases on masts or mizzen poles.

To single out Poseidon’s future souls
who were seduced by Sirens’ haunting voice;
damp canvases on masts or mizzen poles
are doomed like those. Each one had made the choice

who were seduced. By Sirens’ haunting voice,
those answering find rest; in salty grave
are doomed. Like those, each one had made the choice
to live at sea. Now only God can save

those answering, find rest in salty grave.
They wait for billowed sails no zephyr kissed.
To live at sea? Now only God can save
one. Pallid eye peers through the leaden mist.

Posted by: greenwich Sep 24 18, 05:18

Very good rhyming couplets

Posted by: Larry Oct 18 18, 21:35

Thanks Anthony,

Good rhymes are kind of a requisite for a good Pantoum. Hope you enjoyed more than just the rhyme scheme.

Larry

Posted by: greenwich Oct 19 18, 10:28

Enjoyed reading this good flow

Posted by: Rhymer Oct 31 18, 10:46

Hi Larry, Belated greetings and Happy Hallowe'en! Lol!

It's been a long time since I last visited MM. Circumstances beyond my control - ongoing as it happens - have restricted my visits - to most sites - severely. Hoping to get more time for reading and posting in the winter months upcoming. Of late very restricted eyesight , has been an embarrassing restriction. Have to exercise patience until 'perhaps?' a solution can be found.

I enjoyed this Pantoum poem, and your well executed format. Along with a topic, which, not only paints a great scene, but speaking for myself, is seldom seen executed with skills - such as this exhibits. I've tried composing them myself, with some moderate success, but it's quite the complicated pattern one has to follow. Maybe, when I catch up a bit, I'll try some more.

Sad to see the site has declined so badly. Used to enjoy the Challenges and reading the offerings of others. I guess, like all good things, it is going through a bad patch. Age, health and other influences, all play their part, and time seems to be flying by far too quickly for my liking.

Hope you keep well? Ciao for now. Denis aka Rhymer.

Posted by: Larry Oct 31 18, 21:20

Happy Halloween (All Hallows Eve) to you too Denis,

Glad to see you paid us a visit. Even happier that you enjoyed my Pantoum and I enjoyed all the nice things you had to say about it. Honestly, it was written as a challenge from another site and I just cut and pasted it at MM to get some feed-back.

Hope to see more of you around these parts when you are able. I'd like to see a whole lot more folks here but it's doubtful.

Thanks once more for the visit and the nice words.

Larry