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> At the Hospital, Haibun
jerryk
post May 26 11, 09:14
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At the Hospital

How the night nurse must hate it when someone who is a hop, skip and a jump away from "the other side" sets off false alarms. She leans over me, and I have a good chance to study her puffy, pale face. She doesn't get much sun, I speculate. Or, perhaps my eyes haven't quite adjusted.

someone to hold me?
a bowl of cottage cheese
with large eyeglasses

Ah! Now a newcomer is at my side. Looking for blood, Ms Vampira, the technician, concentrates quite hard; involuntarily she curls her upper lip and displays two magnificent rows of teeth. She finds a lovely vein--but I wonder: will I be her type? Yes. That girl has good taste--

with bared fangs
drawing my blood~
the technician

Later, near the end of her shift, by daylight, the nurse looks fine-- Must have been my eyes....
 
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Guest_ohsteve_*
post May 26 11, 11:09
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Jerry, a humorous take on a hospital visit. I call those technicians vampires too, although when some of those younger nurses lean over I am not usually looking at the faces...oops did I say that in my out loud voice...lol. Can you say 'Hello Nouyse' I knew you could, and a wolf whistle will always get a smile. When the gather for rounds I tell them that I know that they just gathered around me to look at my magnificent body such a wonderful physical specimen of mankind I am. ( I say that with tongue firmly planted in cheek.). I really do admire the hard and dedicated work that nurses do, I don't think they get enough recognition.

Steve
 
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jerryk
post May 26 11, 12:43
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Steve,
yes indeed, they do a fine job all around; but I'm different: I let them go on with their work and lie there quite still; this way they return more often to check on me. Many years ago--when I was "handsome" one night nurse brought a projector to my room and showed me slides of Hawaii. I pretended great interest.... Thanks Steve; let's get together at The Rusty Spur Saloon and swap tall tales, lol.
Jerry

 
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Guest_ohsteve_*
post May 26 11, 15:47
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Jerry, I would love to, where is the Rusty Spur Saloon? But must tell you that due to medications I am not supposed to drink alcohol, and that I don't drive any more, my wheel chair has low mileage but is hard to push. and after six hours of being awake I need to take a nap. I am not sure where the outskirts of Sonoran Desert is either. LOL. I have a bunch of them to tell just need listeners.

Take Care
Steve
 
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jerryk
post May 26 11, 16:58
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Steve,
the Sonoran desert includes southeastern California, southwestern, southern Arizona.
Technically, we are at the fringes. In my horseman days, I frequented horse shows in Scottsdale Az, and the R.S. Saloon was the place that had to bear the brunt of all my bragging-- Since then, I've calmed down some. I've been exiled to Sun City, along with wife, cats and dogs and what not. Medication? Oh! a shot of Irish Whiskey??? Wheel chair????? let me attach some Delta wings to yours.... Best to you,
Jerry



 
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Thoth
post May 29 11, 03:46
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Jerry,
I empathize entirely. Been there.
Well expressed, interesting angle -A serious view shrouded in humor. bat.gif

Wally


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jerryk
post May 29 11, 06:45
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Hi there, Wally;
thank you for stopping off for a little hospital humor. Yeah, it's funny how one can perceive reality when one first comes out of anesthesia. I was told that some patients turn violent--but not me, lol. I simply view my surroundings, the world, with puzzlement. Thanks again for reading!
Jerry
 
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merle
post May 30 11, 12:39
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Hi Jerry -

Like the others, I enjoyed your hospital humor. My only suggestion would be to omit 'up' in 'curls up her upper lip'...I think 'curls her upper lip' works better without the extra 'up'.


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jerryk
post May 30 11, 14:28
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Hi, Merle,
nice to meet you. I like your suggestion, and since I need to put this haibun into my forthcoming book, I really appreciate your input. Thanks very much. Best to you, charliebrown.gif Jerry
 
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Psyche
post Jun 1 11, 00:13
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Hi there Jerry!
Great humorous haibun. Really enjoyed this piece. And the banter.

I agree that one stumbles on the curling lip part. My suggestion is "she curls up her lip", leaving out "upper". But take or toss. Just my idea. I don't think one can curl up one's lower lip, I was just trying...LOL...

Thanks for amusing us, and hope you enjoy the Irish Whiskey!! Sun Cities are not so bad, I wish we had them in Argentina...

Greetings, Sylvia




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jerryk
post Jun 1 11, 08:52
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Hi Sylvia!

What? one can't curl up the lower lip? I can, when I'm sulking. Girls pout; boys sulk--kidding. Thanks for reading and commenting. Yeah, that curled lip thing is a bit awkward.
I need a better word to depict the image of the technician drawing up her upper lip in utter concentration. Perhaps I should practice that in front of a mirror?
I raise my half-empty glass to your good health, 68% proof! Thanks very much.
Jerry
 
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anaisa
post Jun 5 11, 21:51
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Hi Jerry,

I just ate some cottage cheese, then 30 mins later read this...
it must be a sign! Ha Ha...cute poem.

K


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jerryk
post Jun 5 11, 23:20
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Hi, dear Karen;
I should have said bon appetit, lol. You didn't forget to clean the nurse's glasses, did ya?
I'm glad you seemed to have enjoyed that haibun portion. Thanks for reading and commenting. Much appreciated, and good to see you. charliebrown.gif Jerry

QUOTE (anaisa @ Jun 5 11, 19:51 ) *
Hi Jerry,

I just ate some cottage cheese, then 30 mins later read this...
it must be a sign! Ha Ha...cute poem.

K
 
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Sekhmet
post Jun 7 11, 02:54
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Hello Jerry - The haibun is a new form to me - so I cannot crit on style. I will have to Google it to find out the ground rules, if any.
I did, however, enjoy your stream of semi-consciousness.
Most of we oldies can empathise with your bemused acceptance of what, and whomsoever appears at the bedside; each assuming their right to take strange liberties with our person.
The, 'curled lip' question. I'm with Merle on this - no, 'up'.
Possibly, she curled her upper lip, showing ...

I do hope you feeling less disorientated now,
Hugs,
Leo


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jerryk
post Jun 7 11, 08:09
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Hi there, Sekhmet;
"She curled her upper lip, showing..." yes, that reads just fine; thank you. The Haibun is a composition that combines prose with a suitable haiku (or senryu) that fits into the general prose theme. I have written various short-stories and prose poems laced with haikai, and this one seemed timely enough considering my current circumstances. My longest haibun (22 pages) contained more than thirty haikai.
For more info, please search Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Thank you for the comment and crit. charliebrown.gif
Jerry




QUOTE (Sekhmet @ Jun 7 11, 00:54 ) *
Hello Jerry - The haibun is a new form to me - so I cannot crit on style. I will have to Google it to find out the ground rules, if any.
I did, however, enjoy your stream of semi-consciousness.
Most of we oldies can empathise with your bemused acceptance of what, and whomsoever appears at the bedside; each assuming their right to take strange liberties with our person.
The, 'curled lip' question. I'm with Merle on this - no, 'up'.
Possibly, she curled her upper lip, showing ...

I do hope you feeling less disorientated now,
Hugs,
Leo

 
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