Poem Bee Options

[Eisa]

Poem Bee

This poem has been through many revisions, which you'll find at this link

It is a huitain aabaabcc

The reason I am posting it again is that I was not happy with Lines 6&7, so have altered them slightly. Any thoughts welcome - even on other lines.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Poem Bee ( recent tweaking)

She swoops into a clover field
imbibing nectar from the yield
to bring the buzz back to my muse.
In labyrinths, her job’s concealed,
while jamming cells, so I can wield
my wings. I’ll savour scones that ooze
with honey, mead to make this toast -
to hiving my redundant ghost.


Poem Bee (original)

She swoops into a clover field
imbibing nectar from the yield
to bring the buzz back to my muse.
In labyrinths, her job’s concealed,
while jamming cells, so I can wield
my wings. I’ll let her honey ooze
on scones, her mead to make this toast
‘to hiving my redundant ghost’.

[anaisa]

Hi Eisa,

I think is flows well--I'm not sure I "get it" completely, and I'm not familiar
with the form, but it's talking about you muse-and stimulating your creativity...
that's my take on it. I like it.

K

Poem Bee

This poem has been through many revisions, which you'll find at this link

It is a huitain aabaabcc

The reason I am posting it again is that I was not happy with Lines 6&7, so have altered them slightly. Any thoughts welcome - even on other lines.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Poem Bee ( recent tweaking)

She swoops into a clover field
imbibing nectar from the yield
to bring the buzz back to my muse.
In labyrinths, her job’s concealed,
while jamming cells, so I can wield
my wings. I’ll savour scones that ooze
with honey, mead to make this toast -
to hiving my redundant ghost.


Poem Bee (original)

She swoops into a clover field
imbibing nectar from the yield
to bring the buzz back to my muse.
In labyrinths, her job’s concealed,
while jamming cells, so I can wield
my wings. I’ll let her honey ooze
on scones, her mead to make this toast
‘to hiving my redundant ghost’.

[Eisa]

Hi Eisa,

I think is flows well--I'm not sure I "get it" completely, and I'm not familiar
with the form, but it's talking about you muse-and stimulating your creativity...
that's my take on it. I like it.

K

Hi Karen,

This has been through so many revisions I just about 'get it' myself. LOL!

Yes -- you've got the gist of it. Mead is made from honey and the toast I make at the end is to getting rid of my ghost (writer) now that my muse has returned.

Snow

[Psyche]

Hi Snow!

Lovely poem, altho' I too had to read it a few times to understand it. Not sure about the 'Poem Bee' swooping. Do bees swoop? LOL....

Do you mean to convey that the Poem Bee was your ghost writer and that now your Muse has returned, the P.B. is redundant? Yet she helped by putting a buzz into your Muse, right? Highly original idea. I like it.

My other problem would be that Poem Bee makes me think of Queen Bee, and queen bees don't go out to work or sip nectar, as far as I know. But that's just my problem. I suppose the P.B. can be an ordinary worker bee. So don't worry, I'm digging too deep.

So glad your muse is back with this delicate, deftly written piece.

Hugs, Syl***

Poem Bee

This poem has been through many revisions, which you'll find at this link

It is a huitain aabaabcc

The reason I am posting it again is that I was not happy with Lines 6&7, so have altered them slightly. Any thoughts welcome - even on other lines.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Poem Bee ( recent tweaking)

She swoops into a clover field
imbibing nectar from the yield
to bring the buzz back to my muse.
In labyrinths, her job’s concealed,
while jamming cells, so I can wield
my wings. I’ll savour scones that ooze
with honey, mead to make this toast -
to hiving my redundant ghost.


Poem Bee (original)

She swoops into a clover field
imbibing nectar from the yield
to bring the buzz back to my muse.
In labyrinths, her job’s concealed,
while jamming cells, so I can wield
my wings. I’ll let her honey ooze
on scones, her mead to make this toast
‘to hiving my redundant ghost’.

[Eisa]

Hi Snow!

Lovely poem, altho' I too had to read it a few times to understand it. Not sure about the 'Poem Bee' swooping. Do bees swoop? LOL....

Do you mean to convey that the Poem Bee was your ghost writer and that now your Muse has returned, the P.B. is redundant? Yet she helped by putting a buzz into your Muse, right? Highly original idea. I like it.

My other problem would be that Poem Bee makes me think of Queen Bee, and queen bees don't go out to work or sip nectar, as far as I know. But that's just my problem. I suppose the P.B. can be an ordinary worker bee. So don't worry, I'm digging too deep.

So glad your muse is back with this delicate, deftly written piece.

Hugs, Syl***

Hi Syl

How nice to see you here!

Yes - this is difficult to understand (I can hardly understand it myself LOL! - especially as I originally wrote this years ago)
The Poem Bee is a worker and apparently workers are female. I originally had 'he swoops into a clover field' until someone pointed that fact out to me - so I changed it to 'she'
Well, she works hard to stimulate my muse and succeeds - and then I get rid of my ghost (don't even know who he is - perhaps a drone LOL! I think it was Cathy suggested the 'hiving ' bit. It's all in my original thread (link given) - on second thoughts the thread is too long!

I take your point about 'swoop' I asked Mike what word he'd use for bees and he said 'swoop' -- but there again it is perhaps cliche. Any suggestions for a change - I'm going to have a think!

Don't worry abour digging too deep, sometimes its good to get the brain cells working LOL!

Snow