 Senyru... |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms  |
| Guest_ohsteve_* |
 Sep 30 08, 15:40
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#1
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Not sure if hiaku should ryhme, but these two came out one right after the other...lol.
Winters' cold is deep, patiently in time I sleep. All promises I'll keep. Winters' flower keeps beneath a cold snow so deep. Blooms, when spring does weep. and yes I know that last line is very weak...brain went dead at 'does' |
  
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Sep 30 08, 20:41
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#2
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 Greek  Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Steve,
No these aren't haiku because another member wrote one that had a rhyme, so I researched the term on the web. The definition said a haiku is an unrhymed poem of three lines with the first line 5 syllables, the second 7 and the third 5. It also said they are about nature. Sorry! Peggy ·······  ······· |
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Oct 1 08, 12:51
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#3
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Peggy, Thanks for the research, I forgot about the unrhmyed part...darn. Guess I will have to call these senyru...
Steve |
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Oct 1 08, 13:03
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#4
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Steve,
Senryu is unrhymed too. Sorry!!! Peggy ······· ······· |
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Oct 1 08, 15:41
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#5
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
OK it;s simple, we'll call it Stevru.
Steve, if I may offer a comment here, if you insist on rhymes, I feel it would sound better if only the first and last lines of each stanza rhymed, leaving the middle line free. Just sounds forced because the short lines as well as syllabilic metre does not match as nicely as stressed metre. Just a thought. ······· ······· |
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