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> Abandoned, English Cameo
Lady Poet
post Oct 9 07, 18:57
Post #1


Assyrian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
Real Name: Pamela
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:self



***********Removed by poet*************


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Terocon101
post Oct 9 07, 22:29
Post #2


Laureate Legionnaire
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 376
Joined: 28-May 07
From: Co. Galway, Ireland
Member No.: 440
Real Name: Terry O C
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Ephiny



QUOTE
Alone.
Consumed by darkness.
Adrift on the capricious wind,
wailing wild. Consider swapping wild & wind around ???Beaten by the hidden currents,
strength ebbed, she gives up the fight--
and dies. Maybe consider losing some of the punctuation??? ?


Hi Lady Pami... grinning.gif

Ummm...loads to like here but one thing that bothers me. That being the entire theme/result of her defeat/death. Although I suppose, in life, "ya cant win all the time' I would like to see something more hopefull and uplifting..."No Surrender / I will survive / ...the slings and arrows..., etc..."

...BUT..that's just me looking for Hollywood endings as usual... unclesam.gif

I do enjoy the metaphor though and the alliteration wind wailing wild. First line really sets the mood sad.gif


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Terry


light
lights
light

--Raymond Rosliep


"The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates."

--Oscar Wilde

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4rum
post Oct 11 07, 08:00
Post #3


Assyrian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 271
Joined: 21-July 07
From: somewhere twixt 'n' tween
Member No.: 456
Real Name: Sam Richmond
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:N/A



(giggle).......... rolleyes.gif Hi Pami;

I can't help myself. I get the biggest hoot out of the differing schools of poetic protocol we advocate. The PP gave you a friendly little citation on your first English Cameo, now it seems that another officer would wish to counter the infraction.

Your writing in this style is bold and shows good command (since Judi gave us such good research on the form). I gain comfort in the confidence you have with the form.

'Abandoned' lives up to it's title in emotion and an overall air of despair. The tragic end is fitting.

This all leaves me with a thought I'd share with you.

"Though grammar, spelling and punctuation are important, the stifling of creativity, to me, is the greater ignorance."

Just a thought from a common-tater
Sam


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Values are to integrity as spirit to spirituality ... the one is needed that the other is sustained ~ Sam

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