 autumnal divorce, faux-ku |
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 Jul 11 07, 07:18
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 18,560 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori  |
autumnal divorce
maid to leave clan’s tree denuded from limb to limb ex foliated This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Jul 11 07, 10:32 ·······  ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Jul 19 07, 05:09
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi daniel,
An interesting faux-ku!  I have one nit - in your word choice 'denuded' - I am trying to think of a substitute that will better match my image of a 'maid' cleaning, but cannot think of anything at present. So, perhaps then this IS the right word?  Enjoyed! ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner      |
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Jul 20 07, 12:13
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#3
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,560 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE (Cleo_Serapis @ Jul 19 07, 06:09 )  Hi daniel, An interesting faux-ku! Thanks, Lori... and I'd like to know what interested you ? Of course it's a fake 'ku, in the sense that it twists things around a bit, but I hope it's close enough to the real thing to appreciate some delicacy within the twists. The plays, of course are 'made' and 'maid' and the twist of title to describe both what autumn does and the 'event' taking place in the (or her) fall. I have one nit - in your word choice 'denuded' - I am trying to think of a substitute that will better match my image of a 'maid' cleaning, but cannot think of anything at present. So, perhaps then this IS the right word? Well, 'denuded' may refer intentionally either to the tree or to the maid, and both she and the tree may be exfoliated... and her ex- could be foliated as a result ? Enjoyed! ~Cleo Thanks again for reading, hoping it makes some kind o' sense, Daniel 
This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Jul 20 07, 14:07 ······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Jul 20 07, 19:36
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 376 Joined: 28-May 07 From: Co. Galway, Ireland Member No.: 440 Real Name: Terry O C Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Ephiny |
Hi Daniel,
I've been meaning to get around to this for ages. It's quite...umm...cynically coy yet blatantly insulting in my interpretation. Humor and wit in this seem to "masquerade", and I suppose that is indeed what people do in certain situations. I had grasped most of it first time around but at the time was unsure how I felt about this one. I'm still not sure but it certainly is very passionate, love/hate come across but mainly because 'divorce' begins my thinking along those lines. LOL @ the leaves divorcing the trees and the season implied. Faux-ku... its the first time I've come across one. I'm guessing there focus IS NOT on beauty in nature, lol. 'maid' lol, "attention all feminists, please form an orderly picket line... ······· ·······Terry
light lights light --Raymond Rosliep "The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates." --Oscar Wilde MM Award Winner  |
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Jul 20 07, 20:09
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#5
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,560 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Thanks, Terry...
but I certainly hope that you did not find me advocating for the ex! He and his clan sound like creeps to me! Just because he gets foliated when she leaves, and she becomes exfoliated in leaving, doesn't mean that I think it was fair! It's just what happens sometimes... maybe usually the other way around... but who's counting? Divorce is a messy thing far too often, and 'fair' is often not the concern of at least one of the parties and frequently not the lawyers' either. How much am I gonna get? Anyhow, I'm not expecting this one to be in any anthology. I'm just trying to 'perfect' it for my own pleasure. And yes... I really DO want it to be a legitimate haiku in the process! That is usually my goal for a good faux-ku: to stand on its own as a legit poem... AND to have al bit of a laugh too. Lightly, Daniel
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Jul 21 07, 12:17
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 Assyrian Posts: 271 Joined: 21-July 07 From: somewhere twixt 'n' tween Member No.: 456 Real Name: Sam Richmond Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:N/A |
deflowered???
······· ······· Values are to integrity as spirit to spirituality ... the one is needed that the other is sustained ~ Sam
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Jul 21 07, 13:19
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#7
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,560 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Welcome aboard as you're "just pokin' around"... glad ya stopped by here.
QUOTE (4rum @ Jul 21 07, 12:17 ) deflowered??? Well, that would be an intriguing interpretation to follow through with... but not one that I'd... uh... conceived of myself. exfoliated would be merely stripped of all the foliage... what happens after that is out of my purview. Lightly, Daniel
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