 Rainstorm, Haiku No. 2 |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms  |
  Jun 10 07, 09:00
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#1
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep  |
With appreciation to Lary.
 a koi tail under the water lily -- rainstorm Revised Koi's tail to singular on Aug 25th. ·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
  
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Jun 10 07, 17:52
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
I really have no suggestions -- but I love it!
Snow 
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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Jun 11 07, 05:36
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#3
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Thanks so much, Snow!
 Lary really helped with this one originally in Karnak.
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Jun 12 07, 12:25
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#4
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 Laureate Legionnaire  Posts: 376 Joined: 28-May 07 From: Co. Galway, Ireland Member No.: 440 Real Name: Terry O C Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Ephiny |
Hi Cleo,
I really loved this. Its got everything, especially the beautiful point of view looking down into the water and only seeing the fish's tail as the rest of it almost seemed to shelter from the rain, but its in the water, hehe. Really cool atmosphere, the ripples, the light and shade, the storm. I wouldn't change a thing. I'm gonna have to look up koi, but I assume its the Japanese fish we call coy. (???) Terry ······· ·······Terry
light lights light --Raymond Rosliep "The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates." --Oscar Wilde MM Award Winner  |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Jun 23 07, 15:28
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#5
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Hey Lori,
This presents a lovely image! Sigh... wish I could do it! LOL BTW, what's a 'koi'? I see that yours is 3/7/2... does that mean that you don't have to abide by the 5/7/5 of Haiku, or is it that you just can't go over that? Cathy |
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Jun 26 07, 18:11
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#6
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Cathy.
Thank you!  A Koi is a type of aquarium or pond fishie (you'll see them in outdoor ponds and pools this time of year in our neck of the woods). They can be very colorful and fun to watch! Contemporary Haiku is not always so rigid to the 5/7/5 - one cannot exceed 17 syls, but they can be less, such as mine is here. HUGS ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Jun 28 07, 15:50
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#7
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,560 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
or maybe turn the perspective over ? with something like:
rainstorm upon a water lilly... a koi's tail Lightly dribblin', Daniel 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner   |
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| Guest_Rosemerta_* |
Jul 1 07, 14:43
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#8
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Hi Lori,
 I love this image!! It really has the feel of a Haiku. I did notice your reference to Haiku not having to stick to the 5-7-5 rule. A couple years ago I sat in on a huge debate over this in another forum. It got pretty heated but the concensus was that if it didn't fit the rule it wasn't a true Haiku but something else. For the life of me I can't remember what it was called though. Some of my early attempts were challenged and I couldn't find any proof to disupte their findings. Before seeing your notation I had already posted to others the rule so I hope I haven't led anyone astray. Either way, I found this delightful!  ~~Jackie |
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Jul 5 07, 04:37
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#9
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Yes, that could work too Daniel.
However, for this one, I want the reader's focus to be on the koi, not so much the effects on the water from the storm. We also played with this one (actually Lary really came up with this one and I've been debating as whether or not I can really call it 'my own'. - over in Karnak in the practice thread. The alternative there was 'distant thunder' instead of 'rainstorm'. Regards, Lori  QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Jun 28 07, 16:50 )  or maybe turn the perspective over ? with something like:
rainstorm upon a water lilly... a koi's tail Lightly dribblin', Daniel ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Jul 5 07, 05:11
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#10
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,560 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
... or even (for duality?):
koi tail This post has been edited by JustDaniel: Aug 25 07, 12:13 ······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
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Aug 25 07, 12:17
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#11
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,560 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Jul 5 07, 05:11 ) ... or even (for duality?): koi tail OOPS... I hit 'edit' instead of reply and ended up obliterating my earlier response!! Sorry. ······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
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Aug 25 07, 12:54
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#12
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Daniel,
Yes, I liek that thought - thankies - I'll edit it in now. Much appreciated! ~Cleo
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Sep 30 07, 05:02
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#13
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 Assyrian Posts: 271 Joined: 21-July 07 From: somewhere twixt 'n' tween Member No.: 456 Real Name: Sam Richmond Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:N/A |
Ever the story teller...
I read koi tail... but think coy tale... 'cheeky' little fish, hiding and spreading rumors tsk tsk tsk. ······· ······· Values are to integrity as spirit to spirituality ... the one is needed that the other is sustained ~ Sam
MM Award Winner  |
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Sep 30 07, 08:27
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#14
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hahahaha - that's funny Sam!
 I like the alternate perception though - how coy is the Koi, he's still hiding? Thanks for stopping in! ~Cleo ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Oct 2 07, 18:12
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#15
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 Assyrian Posts: 181 Joined: 13-September 07 From: Conway, Arkansas Member No.: 468 Real Name: Pamela Writer of: Poetry Referred By:self |
Hi Lori~
This is really wonderful! Beautifuil evocative serene imagery. Excellent!!! Hugs, Pami
······· ·······A relaxed attitude, and a heart of gratitude, increases life whilst joy doth exude! <:))))><
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Oct 4 07, 05:33
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#16
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Thanks very much Pami.
I had some excellent assitance with this one, starting with the 'distant thunder' exercise. Glad you enjoyed! ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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