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Posted by: Peterpan Oct 21 10, 15:57

First Edit

Kiss and Make-up

I watched a make-over…
Her eyes had left the cardboard cut-outs
of her former self. Hunchbacked, in grey,
she stood and waited for comment.
The public guessed:
at least a decade older. Her face and frame
wrinkled on an ironing board.

Facial massage, nourishing cream
and colourful eye shadows,
took old Frances, wrung her out,
and spread her fresh appearance
with full, ruby lips on the TV screen.
A chic presenter draped a new
wardrobe over her shoulders;
hairdressers cut, coloured
and shaped her exhausted hair.

Emerging from the set,
her family failed to recognize her.


Copyright © Beverleigh Gail Annegarn, October 2010







Kiss and Make-up (new title)

I watched a make-over…
Her eyes had left the cardboard cut-outs of her former self.
Hunchbacked, in grey, she stood and waited for comment.
The public guessed: at least a decade older.
Her face and frame wrinkled on an ironing board.

Facial massage, nourishing cream and colourful eye shadows,
took old Frances, wrung her out,
and spread her fresh appearance
with full, ruby lips on the TV screen.
A chic presenter draped a new wardrobe over her shoulders;
hairdressers cut, coloured and shaped her exhausted hair.

Emerging from the set, her family failed to recognize her.


Copyright © Beverleigh Gail Annegarn, October 2010

Posted by: ohsteve Oct 21 10, 19:34

Bev, Extreme make-over senior edition! eh! I thought this very well done. " Hey Mom! where's grandma?

Take care
Steve

Posted by: Peterpan Oct 22 10, 02:29

Thanks for dropping in Steve. Good to hear from you. I been away from MM - very busy...You still writing good emotional words!

Bev

Posted by: Eisa Oct 25 10, 14:06

Hi Bev

I really loved this one - it's so good to read your work again.

My favourite:
Her face and frame wrinkled on an ironing board.

This is well written and the only suggestion I have is perhaps to alter the line breaks/even out the lines.
Just a thought - take or toss.

Snow

Kiss and Make-up (new title)

I watched a make-over…
Her eyes had left the cardboard cut-outs
of her former self. Hunchbacked, in grey,
she stood and waited for comment.
The public guessed:
at least a decade older. Her face and frame
wrinkled on an ironing board.

Facial massage, nourishing cream
and colourful eye shadows,
took old Frances, wrung her out,
and spread her fresh appearance
with full, ruby lips on the TV screen.
A chic presenter draped a new
wardrobe over her shoulders;
hairdressers cut, coloured
and shaped her exhausted hair.

Emerging from the set,
her family failed to recognize her.


Copyright © Beverleigh Gail Annegarn, October 2010
[/quote]

Posted by: Peterpan Oct 26 10, 01:59

Hi Snow~ Thank you for stopping by! I agree with you. I waited for a few suggestions before change...but, yes. Thank you so much.

How are you?

Bev

PS Been a bit crazy of late...perhaps writing a bit again.

Posted by: JLY Oct 26 10, 11:27

Bev,
You picked a theme that is very popular today. Every TV talk show is full of episodes of make-overs and the results are always astounding.

A piece of good news, your poem doesn't need much of a make-over; you hit all the marks and created images that are easy to understand. A good read, something that some of us "mature" citizens here can identify with.
JLY

Posted by: Psyche Oct 26 10, 18:09

Hi Bev!

I've also been absent with family problems...never a dull moment.

This is a great poem. But you haven't mentioned plastic surgery! Didn't this Frances go under the scalpel, seeing that her family didn't recognise her?!

Fact is, I'm intrigued as to whether Frances is a T.V. personality whom everybody knows and I'm completely in the dark. Why did she appear on T.V.?

I really love this poem and have no nits, just questions.

Do come back & educate me,
hugs, Syl***

Posted by: Peterpan Oct 27 10, 00:27

Hi JLY thanks for the comments and for the good news...!

Bev

Posted by: Peterpan Oct 27 10, 00:35

Hello Syl - good to see you here. Sorry re problems...we have had all sorts of distractions...80th parties x2 - which we hosted, 25th party, overseas guests, travel and now renovations...!
As it happened this person did not have plastic surgery. She is an architect in fact, and needed posture re shaping, exciting/well styled, semi professional clothing (as opposed to grey cardigan and jeans), a good skin moisturiser, hair cut etc. She had a reasonable body. Oh, sorry she had some teeth cleaning etc. But, it was fascinating to see her emerge...hope she keeps up the new image...

Keep in touch and take care.
Bev