TEEN-SCREEN BLUES - Villannelle Options

[Alan]

TEEN-SCREEN BLUES

I’m but a bug in big need of a hug
not quite adult, yet no longer a child
please leave me alone, don’t force-feed your drug

So I’m angry, sometimes want to bite rug ?
Just letting off steam, not really that wild
I’m but a bug in big need of a hug

Out of control ? No, but feeling the tug
of hormonal changes, making me riled
please leave me alone, don’t force-feed your drug

Are you a shrink, or a chemical thug -
how many complaints against you are filed ?
I’m but a bug in big need of a hug

So you’re an “expert” - so horribly smug
behind you, bodies of children are piled
please leave me alone, don’t force-feed your drug

Don’t turn me into an emotionless slug
for you, eternal damnation’s too mild
I’m but a bug in big need of a hug
please leave me alone, don’t force-feed your drug

Alan McAlpine Douglas

(Challenge words : bug hug drug rug tug thug slug)

PS In the USA at the moment, there is a huge outcry about Teen-Screen, and attempt by the shrinks to have every school child tested for "chemical imbalances in the brain", which then leads to prescription of mind-altering substances like Prozac and Ritalin. Crazy.

[TygerTyger]

Hey Alan!

Pretty good! I've never written one, but after looking it up to see if your following the 'rules' I like it and may try one of my own with whatever inspires me next!

Here are some suggestions for your consideration.

TEEN-SCREEN BLUES

I’m but a bug in big need of a hug
not quite adult, yet no longer a child.
Please, leave me alone, don’t force-feed your drug. <= Here are a few suggestions, Alan. I think you need to take a second look at your punctuation and capitols throughout the rest of the poem.

So I’m angry {stifiled?} and sometimes want to bite a rug ? <= Seems to read kinda rough here. Do you think these suggestions help?
Just letting off steam, not really that wild
I’m but a bug in big need of a hug

Out of control ? No, but feeling the tug
of hormonal changes, making me riled
please leave me alone, don’t force-feed your drug

Are you a shrink, or a chemical thug -
how many complaints against you are filed ?
I’m but a bug in big need of a hug

So you’re an “expert” - so horribly smug
behind you, the bodies of children are piled
please leave me alone, don’t force-feed your drug

Don’t turn me into an emotionless slug <= Yep. Been there and done that!
for you, an eternal damnation’s too mild
I’m but a bug in big need of a hug
please leave me alone, don’t force-feed your drug

As you wish!

Alan McAlpine Douglas

(Challenge words : bug hug drug rug tug thug slug)

PS In the USA at the moment, there is a huge outcry about Teen-Screen, and attempt by the shrinks to have every school child tested for "chemical imbalances in the brain", which then leads to prescription of mind-altering substances like Prozac and Ritalin. Crazy.

And you know where the focus will be? Boys.

There are no easy ways to mass educate boys. For thier natural desire for the outdoors to run and climb, coupled with thier curiosity and energy and desire to learn by exploring and experimenting does not adapt well to the stuffed classroom under an overworked female teacher.

I know because I was one of those boys in the 60's. I can remember sitting in a classroom and feeling so damm stifled that I couldn't breathe, much less pay attention. I squirmed constantly and made noises and was a 'distraction'. The teachers isolated me and of course that gave the other children 'permission' to make fun of me. I remember sitting outside the principals office and hearing my teachers tell my mother that there was something wrong with me that they couldn't afford to spend all that time trying to keep me 'in check'. I felt thier expert conclusions deeply.
They recommended Ritalin and soon my personality disappeared to the great worry of my mother.
She then took me off it and found an alternate school that accepted the old axiom that boys will be boys. They gave me shop classes and lots of outdoor time and male teachers that understood the idea that masculinity is something that is bestowed, from a man to a boy. An unpopular thought these days it seems, for being a boy in the eyes of the experts is to have a chemical imbalance.
Those teachers, Mr. Michael LoPiano and Mr. Robert Robinson, were the most influential men in my life. For my step-father worked all the time so he didn't have to be home and deal with me and my step-sisters and the sperm-donor that was my 'father' I've never met.
These teachers helped me feel good about being a boy, something that, later in life, I realized was a very valuable gift indeed.

Hummm... I seem to have become introspective here... Thanks!

I'm afraid that there are no easy answers to the problem of boys when the nuclear family is not there to raise them into men.
I heard recently that for the first time in this nations history, married couples are in the minority. IMHO it doesn't bode well for our nation when we don't encourage and provide the resources so that the 'bricks' of society, the nuclear family, remains intact.

Dennis!

[Alan]

Dear Dennis,

Thank you for your informative visit ! You were certainly put thru the mill, but seem to have come up smiling. ANd your mother should be praised to the heavens for getting you off the drugs.

I have written quite a number of villannelles, and do know the rules. When I write one, I used to do a box on the left with A1-b-A2 a-b-A1 a-b-A2 etc etc, so I always knew where to put the repeat lines. I love doing that with copy/paste, and actually, there are only a few lines to write once you get the A1 and A2 lines. Do have a go.

I won't deal with your crit offerings right now, will see what else comes in, then handle all together.

Love
Alan

[JustDaniel]

I'm going to have to offer a full crit later, Alan, but I wanted to commend you for such a poignant and educational piece on a present reality. While there truly are young folk with a chemical imbalance, the 'experts' are much to quick to determine that that imbalance is for biological reasons and offer bandaids that prevent the real reasons from being discovered.

It's the quick-fix mentality run amok.

Well-done, my friend. ~ Daniel

[JLY]

Alan,
Although I have never used this form, I am a fan of its style because it is an easy one to follow.

For me everything runs smoothly until I get to this line:

behind you, bodies of children are piled...2 things come to mind for me.

I would like to replace are with something else; can't find the best word, but something to the effect of ....lay, stand, stood, etc

Also, don't know whether I prefer children's bodies or bodies of children......bodies of children seem to me to be less personalized....like it's a body of water or something like that.

As an aside....there is a new great debate just appearing on our horizon in the US....the "over-medication" of young children.....a lot of discussion to see if we are going in the wrong direction(which we are)...however, our children are a reflection of their parents who many of them today are taking daily doses of drugs for anxiety, stress, sleep derprivation, headaches, etc. Too many prescription drugs are bandied about too easily.

Just in my house alone......the common refrain heard each day....

"did I take my pills today"
JLY

[Alan]

Dear Daniel,

Thank you very much for your visit, and support.

"I'm going to have to offer a full crit later, Alan, but I wanted to commend you for such a poignant and educational piece on a present reality. While there truly are young folk with a chemical imbalance"

-- Since they have no idea what a "normal" chemical balance is, they can hardly then label ANY balance as ABnormal, can they ? But they do, they do. Pharma gains huge rewards for the poisons it sells, and even the schools benefit - they get extra paymants for the "difficult" children - certainly in the UK, and I would be amazed if not in the USA as well. So the school actually has a financial interest in pushing drugs on their pupils - how crazy is that ?

"the 'experts' are much to quick to determine that that imbalance is for biological reasons and offer bandaids that prevent the real reasons from being discovered.

-- these experts have been trained - TWO WHOLE DAYS' WORTH - to administer these tests. And As I said, the whole imbalance thing is pure spin and invention, a marketing man's brilliant idea of how to "sell" the worry to decent folks. Somehow they don't quite manage to inform the potential users of these quick fix drugs of the pages and pages of side-effects. Luckily, the US government has insisted on "black bos" warnings to be added to the boxes, but noone thinks this will slow down the uptake.

It's the quick-fix mentality run amok.

-- You said it - feel bad cuz you poem got a crit, never mind, here is a pill ....

Love
Alan

[Alan]

Dear John,

Thank you for your carefully-considered comments.

"For me everything runs smoothly until I get to this line:
behind you, bodies of children are piled...2 things come to mind for me.
I would like to replace are with something else; can't find the best word, but something to the effect of ....lay, stand, stood, etc"

-- see what you mean, can't think of a punchier word either.

"Also, don't know whether I prefer children's bodies or bodies of children......bodies of children seem to me to be less personalized....like it's a body of water or something like that."

-- NO, thanks - childrens' bodies could mean less that "bodoes of children" - these latter are clearly dead.

"As an aside....there is a new great debate just appearing on our horizon in the US....the "over-medication" of young children.....a lot of discussion to see if we are going in the wrong direction(which we are)...however, our children are a reflection of their parents who many of them today are taking daily doses of drugs for anxiety, stress, sleep derprivation, headaches, etc. Too many prescription drugs are bandied about too easily."

-- Exactly - and the anti-teen-screen protests are part of that movement. I remember years ago in the UK a report said that a glass of beer was a far better sleep-inducer than a pill. The pill-pushers have made deep inroads, exactly as per their post WW II plans to become the undisputed authority on how to live.

Even at best, all these pills only treat the symptoms, never the cause.

Love
Alan

Just in my house alone......the common refrain heard each day....

"did I take my pills today"

[AMETHYST]

Hi Alan,

I had a complete critique here yesterday and just when I was about to hit post button, my grand daughter Lauren decided she didn't want me on the computer anymore and hit the shut off button on my computer. Just goes to show how much value those desks with the locks on the door are really worth it!

I agree with Dennis you've touched on a very common issue, infact simular to his story is one of my brother...a boy through and through... vibrant and over zealous at times... had lots of problems in school and that was by kindergarten. The school forced my mom to take him to the psychologist who then put him on Ritalin, in which turned my brother into a zombie sitting, and staring at the tv. One day on it and poof, she dumped that crap saying, "That's not my son..."

I work in emergency services and I often hear people saying... my child is out of control, when asked how old is he/she, I am often surprised to hear early years like 5 or 6 somteimes younger, many times older but it still surprises me. And yes, they are on medications. Your poem touches on this societal quick fix it of drugs...




Well on with the show!

First I wanted to commend you on the importance and freshnes of the subject matter. I think you've done well to bring about a very serious issue, with a very light, humorous tone. I think the refrain lines are strong and work well in this Villanelle.

There are a few bumps here and there, secondly, though was the title, I like the play on words but felt there is a stronger more fitting title out there and when it presents itself you will know.

Some further comments to follow...

Hugs, Liz

TEEN-SCREEN BLUES

I’m but a bug in big need of a hug
not quite adult, yet no longer a child
please leave me alone, don’t force-feed your drug

So I’m angry, sometimes want to bite rug ?
Just letting off steam, not really that wild
I’m but a bug in big need of a hug

L1, feels a bit awkward. I like Dennis suggestion of stifled, as I see stifled being the reason for the anger and anger being an outcome. Perhaps...

I'm so stifled, and want to bite a rug-
releasing steam, but I'm not really wild


Out of control ? No, but feeling the tug
of hormonal changes, making me riled
please leave me alone, don’t force-feed your drug

Great inclusion of the hormones showing cause and effect! :)

Are you a shrink, or a chemical thug -
how many complaints against you are filed ?
I’m but a bug in big need of a hug

Very good.

So you’re an “expert” - so horribly smug
behind you, bodies of children are piled
please leave me alone, don’t force-feed your drug

L2, felt awkward. Perhaps...

you leave a trail of zombie kids now piled-


Don’t turn me into an emotionless slug
for you, eternal damnation’s too mild
I’m but a bug in big need of a hug
please leave me alone, don’t force-feed your drug



[b] Enjoyed the ending very much. Works very well in bringing it all together... and great use of refrains. :)

Hugs, Liz ...

PS Let me click on add reply before Lauren sees me! LOL

[Alan]

Dear Liz,

I must commend you for giving me such a thorough crit, twice ! I have in the past lost a deep crit, and felt I could never create that again, and given up, so well done.

Title ? I had thought of TEEN-SCREAM, but felt it was too clever. Nothing else appears, I'm atually quite pleased with the one I have - there is no doubt it communicates.

Your Mum deserves a medal - and all those parents with OOC children are simply not applying common sense - I guess they onslaught from the professionals to supplant them is having its effect ? This I can't handle, where is a pill ?

Liz, I'm adding your comments to others, may do a revise later, tho I'm pretty pleased with it so far .... yes, that homones thing went well - needed to do SOMETHING with that tug word !

Love
Alan

[AMETHYST]

Hi Alan,



Yes it is a good Villanelle, mostly I liked the fresh subject and the on take of it through humor, sometimes to get a point across avoiding what might pose as controversy through the lighthearted take on it.

Liz, I'm adding your comments to others, may do a revise later, tho I'm pretty pleased with it so far .... yes, that homones thing went well - needed to do SOMETHING with that tug word !

I am just a wee bit confused as to why you would post this in a critique forum, if you are pleased with it as is, perhaps you meant to post it in the non-critique forum, Platos Pearls of Wisdom... Rather than have members offer their time and thoughts for improvement on the poem when the poem is where you would like it to be.

Either way, a very good subject to match a good Villanelle. I know you may not agree but the poem is good but IMHO it does need some tweaking and smoothing out of some rough edges... to reach its potential.

Best of luck and regards, Liz

[Alan]

Dear Liz,

No, I will look at the offerings and see what I want to use - pretty pleased does not mean totally pleased !

Love
Alan

[AMETHYST]

Dear Liz,

No, I will look at the offerings and see what I want to use - pretty pleased does not mean totally pleased !

Love
Alan

Cool, Thanks Alan... I wasn't sure what you had meant! Glad your open to critique...

Hugs, Liz