. . .
In wartime, lights in the night usually signify something bad is about to happen – somewhere!
Breaking the stillness; a bump in the night!
Is that the start of an Eighty-one’s flight?
Payload of chaos to no one knows where
till H.E. and shrapnel light up the air.
Bursting in splendour, bright star in the sky,
Icarus riding a thousand foot high.
Just for a minute she dazzles the eyes
then swinging in circles, gradually dies.
Lazy green fire-flies, starting out slow
floating through darkness – all in a row.
Lazy green fire-flies rapidly change
to green killer-hornets streaking up-range.
Flickers of lightning! (A storm's overdue?)
Katyusha's big daughter, the one-twenty-two
shrieks overhead like a flaming banshee;
the zone near her grounding you’d rather not be.
Lurking in shadow, as patient as Jobe,
mine waits a victim to press on its probe,
renting the soul with a blast out of hell;
a few have survived their story to tell.
Of battle aurora commanding the night,
nothing’s as heinous as one out of sight.
Tiny hot flash of a rifle well aimed
could modestly signal “Your life has been claimed!”
Notes:
“Eighty-one” – 81mm NATO calibre Medium mortar. The Russian version had an 82mm bore.
“Icarus” – Hand launched parachute flare, also known as “thousand foot flare”.
“Katyusha” – Russian nickname of the older 82mm artillery rocket also known as “Stalin’s Organ” .
It was superseded by the powerful 122mm projectile with a range of up to 30 km.
Other references are to; machine gun tracer fire, mines and booby-traps.
Hi Wally,
Been there and done that (well maybe the calibers were different). It brings to mind a fire-fight going on while off in the distance, "Puff" (nickname for C-130 with 6 pilot controlled mini-guns) went for a walk through the jungle on six green legs which sounded like a million irate hornets. Sweet music to a company or platoon pinned down by enemy fire. I try to not think about those things or times even though all the memories weren't that bad (just a few of them!).
War is always hell and one keeps in the forefront of their mind your summation. There is one out there with your name on it!
Didn't see any crit marks and you wouldn't get any from me because your description is spot on!
Larry
A very moving and well written poem, Wally. Thanks for sharing.
Snow
Great poem, Wally. Brings the reality of war to the forefront.
Appears to have perfect metre and rhyme, as well.
To think that nowadays all is changing. Drones...the 'pilot' just presses a gadget from very far away.
But we don't know what this new sort of warfare might bring. Something worse? Drones overhead, everywhere?
Thanks for posting, I enjoyed the read.
Hugz, Syl***
Hi Larry, Snow and Syl,
Thank you for popping in and commenting.
Yes, it's now been over 35 years since the bush war. (and Vietnam too) and our generation is rapidly passing on. Sadly, there is always a war raging somewhere
I have a lot of war poetry and stories but very little ever posted/published (or even shared with friends and family for that matter.) Partly due to the personal nature of the experiences and also because its a subject many find distasteful or hold strong opinions on. Unpleasant as it is, war is a reality that that cannot be swept under the table or will go away by ignoring it. Many of history's greatest bards sharpened their first pencils on the battle field.
This piece is fairly innocuous, a battle can be quite entertaining to watch until it gets close and personal. 99.9 % of a soldier's time is spent patrolling, waiting or observing so during that time much is seen and remembered that may actually have no bearing on the battle or the war.
Weapons technology may evolve with time but the duty of the infantry soldier has not really changed throughout history. Someone has to actually go there, do the dirty work and clean up the mess.
Cheers,
Wal
Hello Thoth
Just checking in! See you are not letting up on the ink! Well done!
This is an amazing poem.
B
Interesting remarks, Wally. Indeed, wars seem to never end. And some are so terribly pointless. Well, all of them.
Do post some of your war poetry, Wally. If some members find them distasteful, controversial or whatever, that's their problem.
I understand that the coming catastrophes will be brought about by cyber attacks on whole cities. A cyber attack on an airport alone can cause disaster. Just about everything is liable to be collapsed. That sort of war will eliminate whole populations...wow...or humankind.
So dust off your poems and pick some we can nit-pick at...LOL...
Hugz, Syl***
H Wally,
I cannot believe I missed this post until now! I find it very poignant and feel it should have a larger audience if possible.
Would you mind my nominating it for the next IBPC comp? There is one coming up at the end of this month if you read this, and give your nod of approval.
A few minor crits for you to nibble on below to T or T.
Breaking the stillness; a bump in the night!
Is that the start of an Eighty-one’s flight?
Payload of chaos to no-one knows where
till H.E. and shrapnel light up the air.
Above I would change that to: no-one-knows-where OR remove the hyphen to "no one".
Later where you mention fire-flies - I type it as fireflies - but I think both are fine.
Lazy green fire-flies, starting out slow
floating through darkness – all in a row. **Here, I would say 'in a neat row'. for smoother rhythm but is it a neat row?
Lazy green fire-flies rapidly change
to green killer-hornets streaking up-range.
Flickers of lightening! (a storm's overdue?) **capitalize the 'a' please.
Enjoyed the read.
~Cleo
Thank you Lorri.
I made those suggested grammar corrections as well as removing the "is" after Icarus which upset the metre. Icarus is pronounced with a leading stressed syllable; ik-a-ris although some may pronounce it i-ka-ris
Thanks for the IPBC nom - yeh, send it off then, its worth a shot.
Hugz
Wally
Fabulous Wally!
I will update the IBPC thread now with your changes - if you make any more before the end of this month, please let me know. We'll have to see what the judge thinks if your poem wins a placement -it's a tough subject for some.
Best,
~Lori
Only nit pick I would have is the spelling of lightening s/b lightning.
This is a fabulous write Wally - thank you so much for sharing it. I have had a fair amount of my Military poetry accepted by The International War Veterans Association site - I am sure they would be very interested in taking yours, heres a link -
http://iwvpa.net/
Cheers
Maureen
Much congratulations Wally!! Your poem has just placed third for the August IBPC.
Here are judge Robert Sward's comments about it:
A very worthy winner I would be thinking. Congratulations Wally
Cheers
Maureen
Hello Wally!
Congratulations! How wonderful you deserve this! I posted ages ago acknowledging its worthiness! You must be very proud!
Hugs~
Bev
Thank you all,
I am most surprised by the outcome but delighted all the same. Thanks Lori for seeing the value in it ( so seldom a rhyming form gets into the finals)
Hugz,
Wal
Hi Wally,
A well deserved prize. Time differences show, when my father served (second world war) that "no one knows where" reference would have been, heaven knows where. I also spell Job simply but the "e" certainly reinforces how it should be pronounced. The only place I would look for possible adjustment is fourth line of fourth verse.
Keith, the happy chappy
Here I am, Wally, back for the third time, now to congratulate you on your well-deserved prize!
You did the magic trick of getting IBPC to take note of a rhyming poem!! You're to be doubly congratulated. I've no idea why they almost always prefer FV.
I'm so happy for you, as well as for MM. We must send in more. Remember that any member can nominate another's poem. You rhymers should nom eachother, you're all so good. Just say it in this forum, Lori will take care of the rest. Bye now!
Syl***
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