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> Tanka, 5-7-5-7-7 [or less]
JustDaniel
post Sep 15 06, 11:23
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Note: I'd thought there had been a post on this form earlier, but I could not locate it. If I'm incorrect, please let me know.

Tanka is a Japanese form of poetry of 31 onji; the closest we Americans come to that is to think in terms of 31 syllables. The lines are generally 5,7,5,7,7 syllables in length -- or preferably less -- short-long-short-long-long.

I'm told that the earlier tanka shifted rhythm after the 12th onji; the more modern ones de-emphasize the location of shift or switch after the 17th.

At any rate, here are some of my own attempts, for whatever they may be worth:


Stumbling

Stumbling into growth
may be bloody painful stuff,
but scars remind me
this vulnerability
opens my heart to loving.

© MLee Dickens'son 05 July 2002



Jesus’ Earthy Dad


kept her a virgin
miraculous conception
of Mary’s Joseph
whose union was further blessed:
four sons and unnamed daughters

© MLee Dickens'son12 Dec 2003

- Matthew 1:25; Mark 6:3



annuals vs. perennial


‘lovers’ seek to come
seasoned and with wild bouquet
pretending to root;
a love is but one… who blooms
when planted in nurtured ground

© MLee Dickens'son 18 Dec 2003


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JustDaniel
post Oct 4 09, 23:49
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Lori... since you've asked about Tanka (and I'm no expert)... let me merely offer a few of mine... some tongue in cheek and some serious:

casting wile d'autres

small stones gave holeness
to old homes’ naked windows
when I was a stud;
some of us got our rocks off
or went on flings diff’rently

© M Lee Dickens’son 12 Dec 2003

dancing thoughts

though eye'd love to watch
feet would far more rush to join
and arms long to hold;
nose knows ascent of its own
and fingers ache but to touch

© M Lee Dickens’son 16 May 2004

do the arithmetic

teach the hollowness
of dull, worn mathematics...
students age, crumble,
ourselves spent, bent willows
who’ve wept till our branches droop

© MLee Dickens’son 27 June 2009

composed of Ten Words from Jack LaZebnik’s The Day the Tree Fell Down:
age, wept, branches, dull(ed), mathematics, bent, hollowness, crumble(ing), ourselves, worn


LIGHT + TRIALS = growth

Light is where He dwells;
it shines indescribably.
God leaves us speechless:
Holy, Unapproachable…
though His arms reach out, embrace.

Trials provide growth:
review in Dark what we’ve learned
in Light, His presence;
all difficulties purpose
lasting fruit. That’s holiness.

© Daniel J Ricketts 29 May 2005


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JustDaniel
post Jan 25 12, 11:15
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boundaries

many a kiss
becomes a wake-up slap
boundaries
define who we're not
where we'd like to be

© MLee Dickens’son


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JustDaniel
post Apr 11 12, 07:50
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re-membered

remember:
days when you ran
with the wind
they have passed away
like your knees


© MLee Dickens'son 2012


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Alan
post Apr 11 12, 08:34
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I can't
like your knees
gnarled
and knobbly
unneccessarily so

Alan

Daniel, you say 31 sylls or less, but HOW much less is still OK ? DSoes this qualify as short-long-short-lon-long ?


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Larry
post Apr 11 12, 08:58
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Standing among stumps
where a forest once florished,
life has departed.
Looking for the reason why,
eyes are blinded by my tears.


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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JustDaniel
post Apr 11 12, 09:13
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QUOTE (Alan @ Apr 11 12, 09:34 ) *
I can't
like your knees
gnarled
and knobbly
unneccessarily so

Alan

Daniel, you say 31 sylls or less, but HOW much less is still OK ? DSoes this qualify as short-long-short-lon-long ?

The length of your lines here would be fine, in and of themselves, Alan. However, there is usually a PIVOT at the third line, so that the first three lines each are a self-sufficient part of ONE observation, and either the last two lines, OR the last three lines (using the third line in both pictures) each form a self-sufficient part of ANOTHER observation. Does that make sense? [ I picture a tanka kind of as a haiku/senryu with two long lines as an additional (or part of another) observation of the same phenomenon. ]

Let me ATTEMPT to use your pictures to give an example of this:

it is painful
to like your knees
since they're gnarled
they seem knobbly
so unnecessarily


deLighting in your sharing, Daniel sun.gif


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Larry
post Apr 13 12, 14:59
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Pictures are painted
depicting what artists see
or wish to reveal.
Beauty is self-evident
but epiphanies take time.


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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JustDaniel
post Apr 18 12, 15:09
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a yellow splash
on an indigo canvas...
epiphany
a burst of radiance
comes out of the blue


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JustDaniel
post Mar 10 13, 19:55
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A Current Scene

Look at your King...
shall I crucify him?

"Our king is Caesar!"
The government nails the Lord
in the mix with criminals

© MLee Dickens'son 2013


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Larry
post Mar 11 13, 09:34
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Hi Daniel,

Timely and nicely done! I'll have to get back to you with a continuation of your post.

Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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JustDaniel
post Mar 11 13, 10:44
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Thanks, Larry. I tried to utilize an old story to demonstrate a current reality as well.

whitehousewash

scrape away lose flecks,
gouge out rotted ugliness;
paint an undercoat
caulk fills damage, prevents more;
final coat hides multitudes


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Larry
post Mar 11 13, 11:46
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in de finite life

multitudes hide coats
in moth-proof summer storage
to further the life
of dead animals and plants
pausing and stemming decay


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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JustDaniel
post Mar 11 13, 14:00
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since dogwood decayed
he constructed a cathouse;
good for his business
as his wife watched it grow
he ended in the doghouse


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JustDaniel
post Mar 18 13, 08:48
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fulfilled prophecy

lots cast for his clothes,
"I thirst" and "It is finished,"
soldiers pierce his side;
mourners entomb his body...
three days later, "He's alive!"

© MLee Dickens'son 2013

Meditation on Psalm 22, Zech. 12 and John 19


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JustDaniel
post Dec 15 18, 14:24
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three weeks later
I'm still here in rehab
to have my IV's:
simply antibiotics
for body to stave off staph


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Larry
post Dec 17 18, 16:08
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Christmas time is near
but people seem to forget
the season’s meaning
with what’s found under the tree
instead of the star on top


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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JustDaniel
post Dec 22 18, 20:54
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star studded at top
of the football team's roster
can't carry the ball
but no one expects him to;
he protects the quarterback


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Larry
post Dec 24 18, 23:29
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get a quarter back
when you’re buying a new car
and you pay with cash
so when you get a flat tire
you’ll always have some spare change


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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JustDaniel
post Jan 11 19, 00:56
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change your spare often
by rotating the new tires
to even their wear
so everything is balanced
though your checkbook may not be


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