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> Butterfly, Wizard Award, A Glosa
pixordia
post Aug 29 08, 11:45
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My cocoon tightens-Colors tease
I am feeling for the air
A dim capacity for wings
Demeans the dress I wear
from 1099 - Emily Dickinson



Butterfly

My potential held in a chrysalis
I hide within a shadowed niche
Safe from mischief and the curious
Time stands still for my strange seed
Buds of my wings, flimsy as flowers
grow from leaf nectar with ease
In grub miasma I am geometry concealed
A rainbow of speckles,
secretly forming by tiny degrees
My cocoon tightens- colors tease

Outside a gently scented atmosphere
stirs memories of my once segmented self
Sucked to wind bucked leaves, green
of their green, protected by dapple;
a puzzle of leafy camouflage, I
gorged there, naked and bare
then wove around me a fine cocoon,
I - was the spinner and the loom
Quietly suspended - now I must dare
I'm feeling for the air

I am feeling for the sun
Cell by cell - a squeezing permutation
Diligently shedding grub matter;
a framework, a pattern, a nectar tongue
coiled for long throats of flowers to come,
poised for pastoral whisperings
I struggle to unfold.
A magic, a beauty stunningly brief
I hold, as do all mystical things
a dim capacity for wings


My living doppler's- feelers in vibration
New wings that shimmer transparent gossamer
I gather energy, I tremble for flight
I tumble with garden blest wings
A brief portrayal of immortal life
is part of the nature I bear
I flitter, I flutter - I seem to be aimless.
A symbol of ever returning things
Only the flower, fragile and fair,
demeans the dress I wear.


Suzanne Delaney



original

My cocoon tightens-Colors tease
I am feeling for the air
A dim capacity for wings
Demeans the dress I wear
from 1099 - Emily Dickinson

Butterfly

My potential held in a chrysalis
I hide within a shadowed niché
Safe from mischief and the curious
Time stands still for my strange seed

Buds of my wings, flimsy as flowers
grow from leaf nectar with ease
In grub miasma I am geometry concealed
A rainbow of speckles
Secretly forming by tiny degrees
My cocoon tightens- my colors tease

Outside a gently scented atmosphere
stirs memories of my once segmented self
Sucked to wind bucked leaves
Green of their green, protected by dapple
a puzzle of leafy camouflage
Gorging there, naked and bare
I wove around me this fine cocoon,
I - was the spinner and the loom
Quietly suspended - now I must dare
I'm feeling for the air

I am feeling for the sun
Cell by cell - a squeezing permutation
Diligently shedding grub matter
A framework, a pattern, a nectar tongue
Coiled for long throats of floridium
Poised for pastoral whisperings
I struggle to unfold -
A magic, a beauty stunningly brief
I hold like every mystical thing
A dim capacity for wings

Living dopplers-Lepidopteran vibration
Essence of transparent gossamer
I gather energy, I tremble for flight
I tumble with garden blest wings
A cameo to immortal life
Beholden to nature I bear
Flittering, fluttering, seemingly, aimlessly
Witness to ever returning things
Only the fragile and delicate flower
Demeans the dress I wear

© Suzanne Delaney

This post has been edited by Cleo_Serapis: Sep 28 08, 07:35


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A dishonest man alters the truth to fit his ideas.


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Arnfinn
post Aug 30 08, 01:46
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Hello, Suz


Free Verse I believe.


I will have to get this poem transfered to the other ppPoetry Forum, minniemouse.gif pinkpanther.gif



Use the address below.


Click on New Post, and repost.



http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showforum=51


John


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pixordia
post Aug 30 08, 11:44
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Hi John:
It is a Fixed Form but one you may not have encounteed yet.
You might have fun trying it.

The Glosa
The Glosa is a Spanish form, also called Mote or Retruecano, is closely related to the cantiga, and was introduced during the Renaissance period (late 14th/early 15th century) by the Spanish Court Poets.
In its strictest form it is a poem consisting of a line or a short stanza, called cabeza (also mote, letra, or texto), stating the theme of the poem, and followed by one stanza for each line of the cabeza, explaining or glossing that line and incorporating it into the explanatory stanza at the end as a refrain. Lines may be of any length.
The interesting thing about the glosa in modern usage (after P.K. Page) is that the cabeza is normally a four line stanza (quatrain), and the quatrain is written by another poet or author; and credited to that author.
Because it is a quatrain, there then follow four ten-line stanzas, and the last line of each of these stanzas is a line, taken in order, of the original quatrain. The sixth and ninth lines of each of the ten line stanzas rhymes with the "borrowed" tenth line.

So, the form runs:

Quatrain from another author:
Line 1
Line 2
Line 3
Line 4

Ten line stanza written by you, rhyming:
A/B/C/D/E/F/G/H/F/F, with the last line being line 1 of the original quatrain.

Each subsequent ten line stanza then takes the next line of the quatrain, and uses the same rhyme scheme.

The glosa is often used to praise another poet, or to expand on an idea or theme of the original poet.
The glosa is an early Renaissance form that was developed by poets of the Spanish court. In a glosa, tribute is paid to another poet. The opening quatrain is actually written by that other poet, and each of their four lines are imbedded elsewhere in the glosa. The opening quatrain is followed by four stanzas, each of which is generally ten lines long.

The first line of the borrowed quatrain becomes Line #10 of S1.
The second line of the quatrain becomes Line #10 0f S2.
The third line of the quatrain becomes Line #10 of S3.
And the fourth line of the quatrain finishes ends up as Line #10 of S4.

As for rhymes?
I've seen several different methods.
The one that seems to allow the most flexibility (always a good thing!) goes as follows.

S1L6 and S1L9 must rhyme with S1L10,
S2L6 and S2L9 must rhyme with S2L10,
S3L6 and S3L9 must rhyme with S3L10, and
S4L6 and S4L9 must rhyme with S4L10.

And that's it.

As I said I may have wandered a bit from the original 'strict form' in my re-writes of this.


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An honest man alters his ideas to fit the truth.
A dishonest man alters the truth to fit his ideas.


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Arnfinn
post Aug 31 08, 00:14
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Hi Suz,

When, read your poem: I've read it half a dozen times: A descptive of the evolutionary stages of the butterfly. I was at a complete loss.

To attack this task with so many rules is going take a long time.

I hope Alan, Lori and Ron have a look.

Talking about elongated rhyming schemes. Dylan Thomas wrote a poem called 'Prologue', that had a rhyme-scheme that went 1-51 and then 51-1, that is to say that the first line was paired with last, the second with the penultimate and so on. Around the middle of the poem you might see that this was what the poet had in mind, but if you miss it, you miss it.

I use Cuddon's, Dictionary of Literary Terms & Literary Theory as my poetry reference book.

Cuddon is rather brief.

QUOTE

glosa A Spanish metrical ( so you are correct, Suz, about the forum) form invented by the court poets late in the 14th c. or early in the 15th. It is a poem of a single line or short stanza which introduces the theme of the work and which is then followed by a stanza for each line in the introductory cabeza The stanza explains or 'glosses' the line.
See also CANTIGA; ESPINELLA; GLOSS; MOTE.


I'll download your poem to see what I can make of it.


Regards,


John


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pixordia
post Aug 31 08, 02:51
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Thanks John: For taking a closer look.
This has been a baby of mine for quite a long time.
It is a difficult form with all the rules but it did bring a nice poem out of it - if you like Nature.
SuZ


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An honest man alters his ideas to fit the truth.
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jgdittier
post Aug 31 08, 20:15
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Dear Pixordia,
I am honored to have my name mentioned re my thoughts and disappointed that I can't be more positive about the FORM. It seems to me to be a noble effort but I can't see any beauty in all those requirements. My motto is "tight rhymes and wry" and so I have a short memory for rhymes and see little benefit in requirements that don't add beauty to the piece and might not even be detected if the poem is read to them. I'm a simple light verser and the glosa is admittedly over my head. However, I think I can recognize an admirable effort and I
congratuate you, Suz, on just that!
Cheers, Ron jgdittier


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Merlin
post Aug 31 08, 21:56
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Greetings Pixo,

I enjoy Spanish forms, but the glosa is one I'm not about to tackle any time soon. However, I was surprised to learn that Emily is as old as all that - 1099 you say? Time flies.

The accent at the end of L2 makes me wonder. Does the word rhyme with kleeshay (phonetic) or is it a neesh? If the latter, no accent needed, methinks.

Hope your life outside the chrysalis is up to expectation.

Merlin


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pixordia
post Sep 2 08, 02:17
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Hi Merlin:
Thanks for stopping by.
Emily was more recent than 1099;
That is the number sequence of the poem in her collection.

Thanks for the clarification on niche.
Life outside the chrysalis seems great.
Have a great evening.
Suz


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Aloha , Suzanne

An honest man alters his ideas to fit the truth.
A dishonest man alters the truth to fit his ideas.


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Arnfinn
post Sep 2 08, 02:27
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Hi Suz,


OK... Au revi desi Glosa. Goodbye, goodbye to GllllllllllOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOsaaaaaaaaaa.


My cocoon tightens-Colors tease 1
I am feeling for the air 2
A dim capacity for wings 3
Demeans the dress I wear 4
from 1099 - Emily Dickinson

Butterfly

My potential held in a chrysalis <<<A
I hide within a shadowed niché<<<B
Safe from mischief and the curious<<<C
Time stands still for my strange seed<<<D
<<< Why not join ^ v ?
Buds of my wings, flimsy as flowers<<<E
grow from leaf nectar with ease<<<F
In grub miasma I am geometry concealed<<<G
A rainbow of speckles<<<H
Secretly forming by tiny degrees <<< F
My cocoon tightens- my colors tease 1 <<<F inclusion of -my?

Outside a gently scented atmosphere<<<A
stirs memories of my once segmented self<<<B
Sucked to wind bucked leaves<<<C
Green of their green, protected by dapple<<<D
a puzzle of leafy camouflage<<<E
Gorging there, naked and bare<<<F
I wove around me this fine cocoon,<<<G
I - was the spinner and the loom<<<H
Quietly suspended - now I must dare<<<F
I'm feeling for the air 2 <<<F

I am feeling for the sun<<<A
Cell by cell - a squeezing permutation<<<B
Diligently shedding grub matter<<<C
A framework, a pattern, a nectar tongue<<<D
Coiled for long throats of floridium<<<E
Poised for pastoral whisperings<<<F
I struggle to unfold -<<<G
A magic, a beauty stunningly brief<<<H
I hold like every mystical thing<<<F
A dim capacity for wings 3 <<<F

Living dopplers-Lepidopteran vibration<<<A
Essence of transparent gossamer <<<B
I gather energy, I tremble for flight<<<C
I tumble with garden blest wings<<<D
A cameo to immortal life<<<E
Beholden to nature I bear<<<F
Flittering, fluttering, seemingly, aimlessly<<<G
Witness to ever returning things<<<H
Only the fragile and delicate flower<<<F
Demeans the dress I wear 4 <<<G


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Cleo_Serapis
post Sep 2 08, 05:47
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Oh boy- no wonder I haven't tried one of these - seems like far too many parameters to follow, lol! upside.gif laugh.gif You've given this a wonderful stab and your subject is wonderful too! butterfly.gif

I'm short on time right now and owe Larry's poem from June a good going-over, but I'll be back!

Stay tuned!
~Cleo running.gif


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Arnfinn
post Sep 2 08, 07:24
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NEW START


Hi again,


I didin't mean to finish off abruptly, before.


I had just completed my analysis, in full colour scheme.


When my 94 yr old Mother-in-Law fell over in the bathroom and broke her wrist

The time then, was 5.20:pm


The time now is 9.30:pm


Ethel is back from hospital, her forearm in plaster cast, she has to see an orthopaedic specialist next Thursday.

Anyway, I suppose we are lucky, could have been much worse!


Hmm... My dinner has been served. One toasted corned beef and pickle sandwich + plus a glass of red wine. pinkpanther.gif

John

Old Start
Hi Suz,


OK... Au revi desi Glosa. Goodbye, goodbye to GllllllllllOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOsaaaaaaaaaa.


My cocoon tightens-Colors tease 1
I am feeling for the air 2
A dim capacity for wings 3
Demeans the dress I wear 4

from 1099 - Emily Dickinson

Butterfly

My potential held in a chrysalis <<<A
I hide within a shadowed niché<<<B
Safe from mischief and the curious<<<C
Time stands still for my strange seed<<<D
<<< Why not join ^ v ?
Buds of my wings, flimsy as flowers<<<E
grow from leaf nectar with ease<<<F
In grub miasma I am geometry concealed<<<G
A rainbow of speckles<<<H
Secretly forming by tiny degrees <<< F
My cocoon tightens- my colors tease 1 <<<F inclusion of -my?

Outside a gently scented atmosphere<<<A
stirs memories of my once segmented self<<<B
Sucked to wind bucked leaves<<<C
Green of their green, protected by dapple<<<D
a puzzle of leafy camouflage<<<E
Gorging there, naked and bare<<<F
I wove around me this fine cocoon,<<<G
I - was the spinner and the loom<<<H
Quietly suspended - now I must dare<<<F
I'm feeling for the air 2 <<<F

I am feeling for the sun<<<A
Cell by cell - a squeezing permutation<<<B
Diligently shedding grub matter<<<C
A framework, a pattern, a nectar tongue<<<D
Coiled for long throats of floridium<<<E
Poised for pastoral whisperings<<<F
I struggle to unfold -<<<G
A magic, a beauty stunningly brief<<<H
I hold like every mystical thing<<<F
A dim capacity for wings 3 <<<F

Living dopplers-Lepidopteran vibration<<<A
Essence of transparent gossamer <<<B
I gather energy, I tremble for flight<<<C
I tumble with garden blest wings<<<D
A cameo to immortal life<<<E
Beholden to nature I bear<<<F
Flittering, fluttering, seemingly, aimlessly<<<G
Witness to ever returning things<<<H
Only the fragile and delicate flower<<<F
[/color]Demeans the dress I wear 4 <<<F





I'M BACK TO CARRY ON 9.40:pm


So. The poetry form is outlined as above.

In this case, the form is a verbose Free Verse poem constructed from a single line or stanza of a famous poet, with rhyming rules and repeated lines from the original poet
Suz your poem 'Butterfly' is an admirable effort as it keeps true to the rules.

The part I'm not so keen on is the 'free verse' part. Well not really I suppose. Free verse, is based on phrases, sentences and paragraphs. Each poet must structure the poem to work in conjunction with it's meaning. This demands great creativity.

I notice that Lori is very interested in the Glosa



@x1!&8!!!1
Now all my colour schemes are getting mixed-up! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Regards, minniemouse.gif pinkpanther.gif


John troy.gif


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pixordia
post Sep 2 08, 11:37
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Thanks so much John for your in depth look at this.
I want to print it off so I can really see what you have done.
Sorry to hear of the accident that interrupted your valiant efforts.
I hope Ethel is recovering OK.
A wrist is much better than a hip (if it has to be anything) at her age.
Your dinner sounds perfect (almost cake and ale)
A real poet's repast.

I will come back with my revisions and again thanks for your marvellous posting efforts.


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An honest man alters his ideas to fit the truth.
A dishonest man alters the truth to fit his ideas.


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pixordia
post Sep 2 08, 11:50
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QUOTE (jgdittier @ Aug 31 08, 21:15 ) [snapback]110223[/snapback]
Dear Pixordia,
I am honored to have my name mentioned re my thoughts and disappointed that I can't be more positive about the FORM. It seems to me to be a noble effort but I can't see any beauty in all those requirements. My motto is "tight rhymes and wry" and so I have a short memory for rhymes and see little benefit in requirements that don't add beauty to the piece and might not even be detected if the poem is read to them. I'm a simple light verser and the glosa is admittedly over my head. However, I think I can recognize an admirable effort and I
congratuate you, Suz, on just that!
Cheers, Ron jgdittier

Hi Ron:
Thanks for taking a look here and please don't be diasappointed.
If this isn't something 'up your alley' it's quite OK. If we were all the same- the world would be a
dull and boring place.

I disagree with you however on your not seeing the benefit in requirements.
When I tackled the Glosa I had to choose the quatrain very carefully as you are expanding on the ideas of the original poet
and it has to be a subject that can be expanded. Far from the rhyme scheme making it harder- I think the set form disciplines your thoughts and organizes them.
Well, there's my two pennies worth.'........and I will be issuing a Glosa Challenge
so wether you take it or not is entirely up to you. hee hee writersblock.gif
SuZ


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Aloha , Suzanne

An honest man alters his ideas to fit the truth.
A dishonest man alters the truth to fit his ideas.


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pixordia
post Sep 2 08, 11:54
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QUOTE (Cleo_Serapis @ Sep 2 08, 06:47 ) [snapback]110246[/snapback]
Oh boy- no wonder I haven't tried one of these - seems like far too many parameters to follow, lol! upside.gif laugh.gif You've given this a wonderful stab and your subject is wonderful too! butterfly.gif

I'm short on time right now and owe Larry's poem from June a good going-over, but I'll be back!

Stay tuned!
~Cleo running.gif

Thanks Cleo:
I'll be looking forward to your thoughts on this.
I may do a reading of this next Monday for my PEO Chapter.
I have been asked to do the programme, reading my Nature poems.
Wish me Luck. lifepreserver.gif


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Aloha , Suzanne

An honest man alters his ideas to fit the truth.
A dishonest man alters the truth to fit his ideas.


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pixordia
post Sep 2 08, 22:39
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Just adding a note to say I have revised and edited.
Thanks eveyone for your input.
I also changed some of the language I wasn't happy with.
I hope it reads better now.


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Aloha , Suzanne

An honest man alters his ideas to fit the truth.
A dishonest man alters the truth to fit his ideas.


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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Sep 3 08, 10:37
Post #16





Guest






SuZ,

Well, I am definitly not anywhere close to being able to tell a Glosa from a glossary...lol. But I had read thru the original and now read thru your revision and all the comments in between. I saw what your rhyme scheme was on the first write... just didn't know it had a name... I thought it was a neat idea expanding on Emilys verse. I wondered if I could do the same, but found it very hard to keep within your set rules. I probably will post my result on the free verse side within a week or so... look for 'Unknown Shores'. I do admire the fact that someone can write like this.

Steve
 
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pixordia
post Sep 3 08, 11:39
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Hi Steve:
Thanks for following this and for your positive comments.
I will look for "Unknown Shores" ( as a loosley fashioned Glosa)
I do commend you for taking an idea and turning it to your own devices.
SuZ


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Aloha , Suzanne

An honest man alters his ideas to fit the truth.
A dishonest man alters the truth to fit his ideas.


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Peterpan
post Sep 3 08, 12:43
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Hello Suzanne~

I find your topic (most interesting) and the thread it has generated, with hospital visits etc in between fascinating...poor John! I particularly enjoyed your Emily Dickinson extract.

My hair is bold like the chestnut burr;
and my eyes,
like the sherry in the glass
that the guest leaves.
Emily
Dickinson


:)

I find you like a breath of fresh air - with your energy and enthusiasm...Thank you for joining MM!

Bev


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May the angels guide your light.

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Arnfinn
post Sep 7 08, 00:47
Post #19


Creative Chieftain
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Group: Centurion
Posts: 2,587
Joined: 9-August 03
From: Australia
Member No.: 17
Real Name: John
Writer of: Poetry



Hi SuZ,


Would you post your original version beneath your revised poem.

Makes it easier to compare one against the other. minniemouse.gif pinkpanther.gif



John


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Arnfinn

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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pixordia
post Sep 7 08, 01:43
Post #20


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 89
Joined: 26-August 08
From: Hawaii, USA
Member No.: 531
Real Name: Suzanne Delaney
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Alan McAlpine Douglas



Hi Bev;
Thanks for the kind words and I hope you are OK (you mentioned hospital visits).


Hello John:
I re-posted the original underneath.

I have had a busy few days and hope to get back soon to do some more reading and commenting
on others poems.
hugs,
Suz


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Aloha , Suzanne

An honest man alters his ideas to fit the truth.
A dishonest man alters the truth to fit his ideas.


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