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> Pumpkin's Plight, Autumn theme R&M
heartsong7
post Sep 25 04, 21:47
Post #1


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From: Ohio, USA
Member No.: 70
Real Name: Susan Eckenrode
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Referred By:Merlin



Pumpkins' Plight

A pixie prowled a pumpkin patch
and picked a pumpkin out to snatch
and carry back into her home
behind a gnarly garden gnome.
The pumpkin watched her at the loom
she kept at ready in her room,
for weaving warm and wooly wraps
to keep the chill off when she  naps.

While snuggling up to go to sleep,
she didn't hear the pumpkin creep
into the pumpkin patch again,
rescuing pumpkins from the pain
of being gutted, sliced and slit
to serve as lanterns, brightly lit
or maybe luscious pumpkin pies,
though, either way a pumpkin dies.

by Susan


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Forgiveness is the fragrance
the violet sheds
on the heel
that has crushed it.

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Cleo_Serapis
post Sep 26 04, 10:00
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From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Just cool Sue!!! pumpkin.gif

I'm going to add this to our Autumn book!

HUGS!
~Cleo :pharoah2


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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

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"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

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Guest_Don_*
post Sep 26 04, 10:10
Post #3





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heartsong7~~

A charming story line.  Is it true?

Loved your frequent alliteration.

Following two lines struck my fancy because if they were put into alliterative verse format, each line would be four-beats and sound like a Mother Goose.

A pixie prowled a pumpkin patch
for weaving warm and wooly wraps

Wouldn't it be nice if the end were the pumpkin saving itself rather than anticlimax of how it could have died.  I fail in suggesting how because the lines are perfectly placed with each other.


Don
 
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jgdittier
post Dec 10 04, 09:32
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From: Connecticut
Member No.: 58
Real Name: Ron Jones
Writer of: Poetry



Dear Sue,
I think your message is perfectly presented, but I agree with Don. It could be even more delightful if ending on the upbeat.
Imagine, two guys suggesting better treatment for vegetables!
Cheers,     Ron


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Ron Jones

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