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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse  |
 Sep 10 16, 11:38
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#1
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 Assyrian  Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy  |
It's Nougat or muesli for breakfast,
but always an Americano at a nearby cafe before going to work. Contenting myself with business as usual that way I never see the craters. Merrily tapping at the keyboards, input clerk- unexceptionally waiting for the next software update; daily avoiding implosions wanting simplicity. Now if only my journey was that simple, I would have the world in my palms towards a sweet starry life less stressed. ·······  ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Sep 10 16, 22:54
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,875 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi Antony,
Like this... Good reflections on how to avoid stress, almost impossible in the world we now live in. Just a couple of nits, to take or toss. I don't think you need "business" with Caps. L3 has a full-stop at the end, so you need to Cap. the next line. And for better flow, I think L12 should have only a comma after "simple". I don't have any more nits. Just want to congratulate you on all the interesting poems you're writing these days. Syl QUOTE (greenwich @ Sep 10 16, 13:38 )  It's Nougat or muesli for breakfast, but always an Americano at a nearby cafe before going to work. contenting myself with Business as usual that way I never see the craters. Merrily tapping at the keyboards, input clerk- unexceptionally waiting for the next software update; daily avoiding implosions wanting simplicity. Now if only my journey was that simple. I would have the world in my palms towards a sweet starry life less stressed. ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Sep 11 16, 03:28
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#3
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Assyrian Posts: 256 Joined: 2-November 15 From: Croydon, Surrey Member No.: 5,284 Real Name: Antony Glaser Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy |
Thank you again. Suggested changes made.
······· ·······Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
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Sep 16 16, 01:41
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#4
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 8,875 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Yes, I see you have!
Looks neater now. No changes in the meaning, so that's OK. Syl  QUOTE (greenwich @ Sep 11 16, 05:28 ) Thank you again. Suggested changes made. ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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