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> Wholeness **, How I heal myself
jeannefiedler
post Sep 5 13, 07:54
Post #1


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Real Name: Jeanne Fiedler
Writer of: Poetry
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I've felt much loss
about my life
but now I'm going
through changes
the little things
that irked me so
have dissipated in
the atmosphere...

the blossom of hope
unravels
that yellow lotus flower
it brings the stranger
of my higher self
inside my anxious mind

I visualize and imagine
feel quiet peace within
my cat like paws
lead me softly to truth
the blue gloaming night
the pink/violet dawn
I feel completely whole
once more
lit up by the message
of life...
 
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Maureen
post Sep 6 13, 01:56
Post #2


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Real Name: Maureen Clifford
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:arnfinn



unsure.gif


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Maureen
post Sep 6 13, 01:57
Post #3


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Real Name: Maureen Clifford
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:arnfinn



I rather like it - but do so wish you had punctuated it as there are some areas where the reader could pause which I supect are totally wrong. I'm old school - don't hold with the no punctuation required concept that many use these days (sorry).

eg
I visualize and imagine.
Feel quiet peace within
my cat like paws.
Lead me softly to truth


or

I visualize and imagine,
feel quiet peace within.
My cat like paws
lead me softly to truth


and maybe neither of them are right either. privateeye.gif

Cheers

Maureen


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Psyche
post Sep 9 13, 01:24
Post #4


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Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
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Hi Jeanne,

I don't think you wish for critique as you've put no *** to guide us.

But you've got a typo. I believe you mean 'irked' in S1.

If this poem is about yourself, I'm pleased that you've found wholeness in the message of life. Lovely feeling. Perhaps some punctuation would make your imagery stand out better?

BTW, Lori has added Plato's Pearls of Wisdom just down under, for poets who do not wish for any crits. Do let us know!

Take care, cheers, lovie.gif
Syl***




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"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

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jeannefiedler
post Sep 9 13, 09:42
Post #5


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Dear Psyche, Thanks for telling me about the typo. As for the ***, I have no idea what you're talking about or when I put that in.
Yes, of course my poetry needs criticism for me to grow. I'd like to know how to change it, I can't find where I put it. Tell Lori thanks too. jeanne Another problem, my book is on this website's store, I don't want to seem too dim. But I know there's plenty wrong with poem. So, go ahead.
 
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jeannefiedler
post Sep 10 13, 04:51
Post #6


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I looked it up and finally saw what everyone meant by ***. I will use a ** for now, just to see how it goes. Thank you again, jeanne
 
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Peterpan
post Sep 13 13, 07:32
Post #7


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Real Name: Beverleigh Gail Annegarn
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Hello Jeanne,
I thoroughly enjoyed the read. Thank you. Wonderful collection of meaningful words.
Bev rollerskater.gif


QUOTE (jeannefiedler @ Sep 5 13, 14:54 ) *
I've felt much loss
about my life
but now I'm going
through changes
the little things
that irked me so
have dissipated in
the atmosphere...

the blossom of hope
unravels
that yellow lotus flower
it brings the stranger
of my higher self
inside my anxious mind

I visualize and imagine
feel quiet peace within
my cat like paws
lead me softly to truth
the blue gloaming night
the pink/violet dawn
I feel completely whole
once more
lit up by the message
of life...



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May the angels guide your light.

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Eisa
post Sep 20 13, 17:58
Post #8


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From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Hi Jeanne,

I really like this one, it has a peaceful flow. I have to agree about punctuation though.

Snow


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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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saore
post Sep 22 13, 08:55
Post #9


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From: San Juan Puerto Rico
Member No.: 508
Real Name: Sergio Ortiz
Writer of: Poetry



I also agree about punctuation, but I really like the poem. Nice work.

Sergio


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