Gifts of Spring, A Sonnet Options

[Larry]

Gifts of Spring


A pleasant walk in spring’s refreshing breeze
to view the blooms of orchard’s burgeoning;
especially the four young May haw trees,
revealed a perfumed cloud. Small blossoms cling

to every branch; a bounty to behold.
Sweet nectar for the bees and butterflies
but future jams and jellies to be sold
to those who love its sweet but tart surprise.

I thought the gifts this day had brought complete
until I heard an angry buzz nearby
and saw a swarm of bees. Another treat
that springtime brings whenever new queens fly.

My son, an apiarist, will arrive
to gather them into a brand-new hive.



This is an actual event from last week.

[JustDaniel]

Sounds like you had an interesting day strolling about, Larry. I had to look up "haw" since I'd never read that designation before, and I didn't think of hawthorn either. Thanks indirectly for the education. So are the leaves edible this time of year as well? And WOW, your son's a bee guy too, huh?

I noted that you did not request critique, so I'll simply leave it with this appreciation.

deLightingly, Daniel

[Larry]

Hi Daniel,

It was, indeed, a very interesting day. It was also interesting how Word corrected something that didn’t need it. The fruit, “Mayhaw” is an edible berry that most people make into jams and jellies due to the tiny seed found inside the fruit. The (May haw) sounds like a command in the month of May one gives to a team of mules when one wants them to turn right as in “gee” and “haw”. The name may have been derived from when the berries are at their peak in the growing cycle (May) and the (haw) might denote a familial variety of the Hawthorne. The leaves are not edible except to caterpillars and the blooms, when pollinated, form the berries if frost in February or March doesn’t kill them.

As far as critique, that was an oversight. I always want some kind of input whether it be grammar, syntax or word usage. Pulling a Sonnet from a real-life experience is sometimes hazardous to ones writing ability when you try to get all the succinct parts of the story to fit in that form.

Crit away!

Oh and thanks for the visit and glad you enjoyed it.

Larry

[JustDaniel]

This is the result of translating your piece into traditional Chinese in the Google Translator and then back into English:

Spring gift

In the breeze of spring walking happily
To see blooming orchards flourish;
Four young men in particular may Hawthorn,
Reveal the cloud of incense.

Flower preservation
For each branch of beautiful bounty.
Sweet nectar of bees and butterflies
But jams and jellies for sale

For those who love the sweet and sour of surprises.
I thought the gift this day brings the complete
Near until I heard the angry buzz See a swarm of bees.
Alternative treatment

Spring brings new Queens fly.My son, the bee, will arrive in
They gathered into a new hive.

[Larry]

Hi Daniel,

Really strange! It's no wonder there is misunderstanding in the world today. My son, a bee?

Oh well, it reads well but the rhyme scheme and metrics got lost in the re-translation.

Larry