Insecurity, Sonnet Options

[Larry]

Insecurity

We cling to mothers’ arms as though in fear
of future’s slow descent to parts unknown,
though fated. Losing things that we hold dear
strikes terror; even in the heart that’s grown

to realize the promise of today
is no assurance of tomorrow’s dawn.
Each colorful façade put on display
may hide the angst that we are just a pawn

in someone else’s game. As seasons fade
from memories, too soon we will forget
the lessons we have learned through life’s parade.
It makes no difference if parapet

is built to keep you safe and to protect
or just your private prison to reflect.


S2/L4 did read: may hide the fear that we are just a pawn

[Psyche]

Wow, Larry, this is spectacular! I seem to remember having read it elsewhere, but perhaps it was slightly similar.

As seasons fade
from memories, too soon we will forget
the lessons we have learned through life’s parade.
It makes no difference if parapet

is built to keep you safe and to protect
or just your private prison to reflect.

Impressive ending. Makes one reflect on life's moments. It's sad to think that we may forget the lessons we've learned. And that our "parapet" is not necessarily built to protect us. Some people jump off real parapets... just a thought.

I've not been around much. I've got a challenge in mind, but don't feel much insentive to post it. Will do, all the same, if only to have the pleasure of reading your sonnets!

Have a great year, Syl

[Larry]

Hi Syl,

Thanks for popping in for a read. I doubt you have read this anywhere else because Herme's is the only place I have posted it.

I was going to call this "Walls" but felt that title wasn't descriptive enough.

I'm waiting for your new challenge!


Larry

[Psyche]

Hi Larry,

I do believe you've written other sonnets delving into memories, nostalgia, passing seasons and so on. So the familiarity must have sprung from other poems you've delighted us with, dealing with the flow of time.

BTW, I've finally posted a new challenge in Acropolis. You'll have to scroll down a little because I also participated in the 5, 6 and 7 letter word challenge. So it needs bumping up!

Hope the new year is treating you well. I hear there's been lots of snow in the N.H.

We're having an almost wintry summer in midwest Patagonia. Maximum temps. of 13 or 14°C, and minimums of around 3 or 4°C. Also lots of rain and strong winds. Brr...

All the best, Syl

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Larry,

I really enjoyed this poem, and the title is perfect, as I had no idea what was to come.

The only stanza I find could be reviewed is below. I suggest a replacement for 'fear' in L4, since that word has been utilized earlier. The other is the phrase, "is no". I can't quite place it, however it seems to bump for me there.

to realize the promise of today
is no assurance of tomorrow’s dawn.
Each colorful façade put on display
may hide the fear that we are just a pawn

Please take or toss my thoughts.

Enjoyed the read!
~Cleo

[JustDaniel]

In conjunction with Lori's astute observation, Larry...

why not something like this for that stanza?

to realize the promise of today
is not assurance of tomorrow’s dawn.
Each colorful façade that we display
scant hides the doubt we may be just a pawn...

to toss or tumble about ...

deLightiing in the process, Daniel

[Larry]

Hi Lori and Daniel,

Thanks for stopping by with some crits. I can fix the duplicate "fear" with "angst" because I was trying to convey foreboding or anticipation with the second usage. Thanks for catching that.

As far as your question about my "is no" usage, it is grammatically correct when read within its sentence structure: even in the heart that’s grown to realize the promise of today is no assurance of tomorrow’s dawn.

I couldn't possibly use "is not".

Anyway, thanks for the input.

Larry

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Larry,

I like your change there, and the explanation too.

Still enjoying the re-read!

Cheers,
Cleo