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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms _ Decommissioned (Revision1)

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Jul 2 09, 11:37

Decommissioned (Revision 1)

A mosquito out searching for blood
spied a farm's prize thoroughbred stud.
She bit him in a place
that was a disgrace.
Henceforth he was just known as "Dud."

Peggy Carpenter Harwood

Decommissioned

A mosquito out searching for blood
spied a farm's prize thoroughbred stud.
She bit him in a place
that was a disgrace.
Henceforth he was simply known as "Dud."

Peggy Carpenter Harwood

Posted by: ace Jul 5 09, 16:29

Peggy:

I've meant to tell you I enjoyed this for several days, but have had log in problems. I an a limerick fan, although I haven't written many.

One thought...would the last line be better rhythmicall as...

Henceforth he was just known as "Dud:.

Eliminates one syllable.

ace

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Jul 5 09, 16:43

Hi Ace,

Thanks so much for reading!! I'm so glad you enjoyed!!! I do think "just" sounds better than "simply." I'll try it.

Peggy

Posted by: ohsteve Jul 5 09, 23:06

Peggy, I have read this several times, laughed, chuckled, cringed, thought ouch...'bloodsucking mosquitoes.' And then wow what terrible place did that thing bite.... lol.

Steve

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Jul 6 09, 05:31

Hi Steve,

Ha!! Glad you read!!! Thanks for the encouraging words!!

Peggy