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Posted by: Eisa Nov 2 10, 16:32

Revision

Tell-Tale Fingerprints

Hush-a-bye
… don’t cry darling.

I bustle, scrubbing
caked baked bean sauce
from last night’s plates
packed into the sink.

Baby’s still wailing.

The ironing tower tumbles
onto paw-printed floor
mop’s mislaid -- I must
spick and span my domain.

Baby’s howling now.
Perhaps it’s a virus
… I must contact help line,

but first I’ll clean the windows, in case
yesterday’s fingerprints are spotted
… clear spiders from their webs.

Stop shrieking baby!
I’ve no time for your games.

Damn your big baby eyes!
I can’t resist sneaking a peak
at your face any longer.

I’ll check security
… messages … Face Book.

Aaaw! … Mama loves to play
games with her baby.

-------------------------------------------------
Original


Baby’s crying.

Busy hands scrub
caked baked bean sauce
from last night’s dishes
cramming the sink.

Hush baby … don’t cry.

The ironing tower tumbles
onto paw-printed floor
mop’s mislaid --
I must clean up my domain.

Oh baby’s still crying.
Is it a virus?
… I’ll contact help line,

but first I’ll clean the windows, in case
yesterday’s fingerprints are spotted;
clear the spiders from their webs.

Oh stop crying baby! I’ve no time for your games.

Damn big baby eyes!
I can’t resist a peep at your face any longer.

I’ll check security … messages … Face Book … games.

Mmm ... Mama loves to play with her baby.

Posted by: merle Nov 4 10, 02:00

Hi Eira -

I don't know whether to laugh or cry! I thought this was about an overwhelmed mother but no...the computer! I find myself in the very same situation. I like your revisions and would leave it as it is. Very well written and entertaining.

Posted by: Eisa Nov 4 10, 14:37

QUOTE (merle @ Nov 4 10, 07:00 )

Ah -- fooled ya! LOL!

Not my usual style but had I fun writing it!

Snow

Posted by: Psyche Nov 11 10, 23:59

HA. You really fooled me, Snow! I was thinking it was some kind of dark humour, even began to get angry....LOL...

Very good, a change from your usual poetry. I like it!!

Congrats, Syl***

Posted by: Eisa Nov 15 10, 17:48

QUOTE (Psyche @ Nov 12 10, 04:59 )