 If You Were, What if your lover was the Moon? |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Poetry Exhibition -> Plato's Pearls of Wisdom  |
| Guest_Ivy Rose_* |
 Apr 3 05, 20:27
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#1
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If You Were
What if you were the Moon? Would I sail right into you? Get lost in the depths of your heartthrob seas. What if you were a star? Would I glide-glitter into the precipice of your smile? Fill the night with your tune. What if you were the Sun? Would I bask in the heat of your sultry and seductive gleam? See Dawn's rising undone. What if you were everything and everything I wanted was new? Would I be your branch of delight? Touch your heart of gold and noble oak. What if I was a leaf that dangled on your sturdy and steadfast limb? Would you hold me close in the night? Send me on wings of raptured flight. What if you were the Moon? Would you sail right into me? Carry me on a voyage through the sea of your deep liquid eyes. |
  
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Apr 4 05, 18:00
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hello Sharon and another WELCOME to you
 .I enjoyed your poem and the repetition of 'what if?'. Your subtle rhyming is a delight as well.  My favorite image: What if I was a leaf that dangled on your sturdy and steadfast limb? Would you hold me close in the night? Send me on wings of raptured flight You mingle in Nature delightfully so... :dragon: Cheers! ~Cleo :pharoah: ·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
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| Guest_Zeus˛_* |
Apr 5 05, 14:09
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#3
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Hi Sharon, and a big welcome to MM.
A big romantic, thats what you are. Put the universe to good use. Enjoyed this one. Larry
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| Guest_Jox_* |
 Apr 5 05, 14:35
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#4
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Hi Sharon,
Welcome to MM - I hope you'll be very happy here. If anything is confusing, please just ask. As this isn't a crit forum, I shall simply say that I enjoyed this overall and I liked the way in which you about-turned that last verse. Well done. James. |
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| Guest_Toumai_* |
Apr 5 05, 14:48
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#5
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Hi Sharon,
A wonderful romantic refrain - and love the full circle reached with the last verse. Fran |
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| Guest_Nina_* |
Apr 5 05, 14:54
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#6
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Hi Sharon
Welcome to MM and I hope you enjoy yourself on here. This is a very romantic, dream-like poem with a clever reversal at the end. Nina |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
May 29 05, 12:01
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#7
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Larry is right ... you're a romantic, but then, so am I! LOL
I love the poem! It's filled with an elusive, fantasy feel and I love that kind of thing so this is right up my alley! The reversal at the end is great too, you've brought it full-circle, from one partner to the other, which is the way it should be. Cathy |
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