The Dance of Death, A sparrow's tale Options

[Cleo_Serapis]

The Dance of Death

Their pitch was harsh, the sound was weak,
a nest was hidden high.
The woods were full of creature-speak
ignored by passersby.

A few were round, and some were slight,
concealed among the trees,
by parents pausing in their flight,
upon Spring’s warming breeze.

A sparrow brave, petite and frail
once perched with weary claw -
was swept away by Nature’s gale
and snatched by prowler’s paw.

The kill so swift, his silenced call
a sacrifice for hatch;
and broken wing, to mark his fall,
lay tattered in the thatch.

The clutch remained in warm domain,
their flock reduced by one,
to face the harshness and the strain
of lives they’ve just begun.

The seeds were sown, to take first flight
on wings of bated breath,
albeit soon, with all their might
descend the dance of death.

© 2003 Lorraine M Kanter

[Aphrodite]

The Dance of Death

Their pitch was harsh, the sound was weak,
a nest was hidden high.
The woods were full of creature-speak
ignored by passersby.

A few were round, and some were slight,
concealed among the trees,
by parents pausing in their flight,
upon Spring’s warming breeze.

A sparrow brave, petite and frail
once perched with weary claw -
was swept away by Nature’s gale
and snatched by prowler’s paw.

The kill so swift, his silenced call
a sacrifice for hatch;
and broken wing, to mark his fall,
lay tattered in the thatch.

The clutch remained in warm domain,
their flock reduced by one,
to face the harshness and the strain
of lives they’ve just begun.

The seeds were sown, to take first flight
on wings of bated breath,
albeit soon, with all their might
descend the dance of death.

© 2003 Lorraine M Kanter

Hello Cleo~

This is such a "stunning" poem, displaying the beauty of nature.

A wonderful and dramatic piece written very well.

TTFN~


Aphrodite~Lindi

[Eisa]

Hi Lori

I love nature poems and this one is no exception. You have told your tale so beautifully. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Snow  

[Guest_Jox_*]

Now why didn't Charles Darwin express himself like that?

I liked your poem for several reasons but mostly because it avoided the over-sentimentality which often goes with the subject.

Good show, Cleo!

Cheerio, Jox.

[Guest_Don_*]

Your "The Dance of Death" is excellent, Cleo_Serapis.

I seem to remember this verse going through gauntlet of fire at PH/PK.

This verse depicts current trend of nature show entertainment.  An air of the sword of Damocles hangs above all the natural thespians.

Don

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Lori

I love nature poems and this one is no exception. You have told your tale so beautifully. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Snow  

Hi Snow!

Thanks for stopping in a my dance!

Not the 'normal' cushy feely type, but then again - neither am I !!

I like Nature and find the muse inspired by the things we sometimes overlook.

Glad you enjoyed!

~Cleo  :pharoah:

[Cleo_Serapis]

Now why didn't Charles Darwin express himself like that?

I liked your poem for several reasons but mostly because it avoided the over-sentimentality which often goes with the subject.

Good show, Cleo!

Cheerio, Jox.

Hi Jox!

Thanks very much for stopping in and commenting!

Cheers!
~Cleo  :pharoah:

Me and Darwin in the same breath? Cool!  :cool:

[Cleo_Serapis]

Your "The Dance of Death" is excellent, Cleo_Serapis.

I seem to remember this verse going through gauntlet of fire at PH/PK.

This verse depicts current trend of nature show entertainment.  An air of the sword of Damocles hangs above all the natural thespians.

Don

Hi Don!

Ahhhh YES - a good, yet HARD lesson learned at PH/PK...I learned how to refine the meter and rhythm which I am still learning to a point where I do not wish to make any firther revisions on this piece at this time.

The gauntlet was a little brutal, but I didn't give in! You know what I mean...

Yes - nature in all its glory and otherwise acts.....

Cheers!
~Cleo  :pharoah:

[Guest__*]

Hi Lori
Nature red eh?  There isn't anything to crit here. The rhyme and metre are spot on, and the polish shines through.

BUT. What happened to the rest of those little birds?

Drat that Cat!
Annubis has a lot to answer for.

A.

[Cybele]

Hello Cleo

A very strong, dramatic, beautifully crafted poem. even if a little sad
it makes a great read.

Congratulations Cleo

Love

Grace

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Lori
Nature red eh?  There isn't anything to crit here. The rhyme and metre are spot on, and the polish shines through.

BUT. What happened to the rest of those little birds?

Drat that Cat!
Annubis has a lot to answer for.

A.

Hi "A"!  :troy:

Today, you're a Trojan!

Thanks very much, this one had gone through LOTS of re-writes and is my first 'metered' poem I can say that I am happy with.  :tie1:

Ahhh - that is another STORY (I still have to write)! Let's say: It's all up to your imagination!  :laugh:

Anubis and the Jackals - where's Bastet anyway? I'm sure SHE has ALL the answers!  :pilgrim: Yes, kitty kitty...

Cheers!
~Cleo  :pharoah:

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hello Cleo

A very strong, dramatic, beautifully crafted poem. even if a little sad
it makes a great read.

Congratulations Cleo

Love

Grace

Hi Grace!  :lovie:

Yes - thank you - it is not your typical ending, but who ever said that I was normal or typical?  :laugh:

Thanks very much - this inspiration came from a poem by Charles Dickens with the same effect. I'm glad I was able to re-create the feeling!  :StarWars1:

HUGAROOOS!
~Cleo  :pharoah:

[Aggiel]

Lori,

I follow you right behind on this nature trip and I bounce along too.

Most interesting poem with a jaunty feel. I so love nature poems, and


this one keep me wide-eye  all the way  ! :


Regards


Lai

[Cleo_Serapis]

Lori,

I follow you right behind on this nature trip and I bounce along too. Most interesting poem with a jaunty feel. I so love nature poems, and this one keep me wide-eye  all the way  ! :

Regards

Lai

Hello Lai!  :StarWars1:

Thanks for stopping in here! THis is one of my favorites! I love bird watching!  

This was one of my first attempts at a serious metered poem.

Glad you enjoyed!
~Cleo  :pumpkin:

[jgdittier]

Dear Lori,
For me, the essence of poetry is meter. Yes, sometimes I'll accept that the message trumps the cadence, but rarely.
There are several who seem to lean toward high approval of the metered aspect here. For me, that beat enables all the rest to be effective.
Effective, you bet, in every aspect. Some one said "Spot on". I must add that  phrase to my vocabulary and associate "The Dance of Death" with it.
Cheers,     jgd

[Cleo_Serapis]

Dear Lori,
For me, the essence of poetry is meter. Yes, sometimes I'll accept that the message trumps the cadence, but rarely.
There are several who seem to lean toward high approval of the metered aspect here. For me, that beat enables all the rest to be effective.
Effective, you bet, in every aspect. Some one said "Spot on". I must add that  phrase to my vocabulary and associate "The Dance of Death" with it.
Cheers,     jgd

Oh my Ron!  :lovie:  :lovie:

Thank you so much for your kind words regarding this piece.  :pharoah2

I took this ''beat" from a poem I read by Charles Dickens about a boy who dies from a sailing ship (a sad tale) but the meter hummed along and so I learned by his experiences in writing.

Cheers and thanks!
~Cleo  :cloud9:

[Nefertiti]

Hello, Miss Cleo.

Yes, it's Nef resurrected yet again (at least for the time being.)  

Well, I may sound like a broken record, but how poignant this is.  SUch a touching tale in the (as my 6 year odl would say) "the circle of life."  How beautiful and cruel is nature, is this world.  You capture that well.

Big Traitorous Mini Peanutbuttercup Hugs,
Nef

[Cleo_Serapis]

Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

NEF IS RESURRECTED AGAIN> WHIPPEEEE!  :dance:  :dance:  :dance:  :dance:  :dance:

Thanks so much Beth. *waving to you from the East coast*  :wave:

The circle of life - I love that expression! Yes - it may not always seem fair, but it is usually for a reason.....  :mouse:

Big M & M HUGS right back!


~Cleo  :cloud9:

[Siren]

Hey Lori,

This reminded of a poem I wrote when I was 14... the year my father died. I was sitting on the jetti which was outside of our garder, and I saw a sparrow fly by... and I began to write...

This was exceptional to read... Thanks for sharing.

Dani