BEGGAR CHILD Options

[Guest__*]

Dear Grace,

Dated ? Not a bit of it ! It may be to you cuz you've known it so long, but it still speaks truth.

Love
Alan

[Cybele]

Aphrodite's Wizard awrd-winning piece "Thanks for giving" in Homers made me dredge up the first poem I ever wrote 41 years ago in Singapore. This was a scene that affected me very strongly.

I know this is very dated but it is the sentiment of Lindi's poem which prompted me to resurrect it.

   

        I saw him crouched upon the busy roadside,
        In dreams his palm, was still outstretched in hope.
        This child whose dusky face was so angelic
        Was fettered to his mother by a rope.

        Then as I watched, he stirred, and eyelids opened,
        Revealing eyes that spoke of many things,
        Of lovelessness and unrelenting hunger,
        Framed by an aura which to the valiant clings.

        Compassion stirred from deep within my being,
        My heart was pounding loud within my breast.
        What could I do? How help relieve his suffering?
        But toss a coin –and pass by like the rest?


        All rights reserved by Grace Galton as an unpublished work

[Aggiel]

Grace,

Congratulations !  

A touching poem you have here. I am strred with compassion too.
Luckily nowadays,happenings of this sort  can be sued in court for
ill-treatment of some sort. You see less of these  inhuman acts now.

So you had visited Singapore, my neighbour years ago. It looks
very different now. Any wish to make  another visit, perhaps to escape winter in your place,  to enjoy the warmth of summer here ?



Lai

[Cybele]

Hello Lai,

Luckily nowadays,happenings of this sort  can be sued in court for
ill-treatment of some sort. You see less of these  inhuman acts now


If only this were true. I'm afraid it still happens in the poorer third world countries only too often.

So you had visited Singapore, my neighbour years ago. It looks
very different now. Any wish to make  another visit, perhaps to escape winter in your place,  to enjoy the warmth of summer here ?

I lived in the Far East, Singapore, Hong Kong and Malayia for a total of about 7 years Lai.  Never made it to Borneo unfortunately. I would give anything to visit the orang-utang preservation centre on your lovely island. Maybe one day.

Love

Grace

[Guest_motion_*]

Cybelle,

There is nothing here I would change. If this were mine I might consider a follow-up poem for this. Like writing about "What if I had of...", or maybe try this from another point of view, like the mother's or the boy's. Anyway, this was a very good poem the way it is, I enjoyed.

motion :D

[Guest_Jox_*]

HI Grace,

Great poem. Some suggestions - as you wish.

{} delete [] add

  I saw him crouched {upon} [by] the busy road{side},
  In dreams his palm, {was still} outstretched in hope.
  This child whose dusky face was so angelic
  {Was} fettered to his mother by a rope.

  {Then} as I watched, he stirred, {and}[his] eyelids opened,
  Revealing eyes that spoke of many things,
  Of lovelessness {and}[yet] unrelenting hunger,
  Framed by an aura[,] which to the valiant clings.

  Compassion stirred from deep within my being,
  {My} heart was pounding loud within my breast.
  What could I do? How {help}[to] relieve his suffering?
  {But}[only] toss a coin –[ ]and pass by like the rest?

Any use?

All the best, James.

[Cybele]

Hello James,

Thank you for your suggestions for this one my friend, but since this is the very first piece I ever wrote, I thought I might keep it as it is as a momento.

It now seems very amateurish to me and although Alan says nay, I feel it is dated.

Nevertheless I have some affection for my "first born".

Love

Grace

[Cybele]

Hello Ryan,

Thank you so much for your input on this one.  

Sounds like a good idea. I shall cogitate on that one,  Hmmm  :detective:


Love

Grace

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Grace,

I quite understand your not wishing to change; I might be the same.

However, would it not be more appropriate to post in an exhibition forum than a crit one? (esp Complex crit)?

Cheers, J.

[Cybele]

Hello James,

You are, of course quite right and this should have gone into Plato's, but I made a faux-pa and put it in the wrong one.

Will try to move it tomorrow.

Love

Grace

[jgdittier]

Dear Cybele,
If this was your first-born, you have certainly raised a large family of impressive off-spring!
The pathos of the message, the flow of the words, the rhymes, the appearance, a piece to be proud of.
I believe too, that as this was your first, it suggests you've been blessed with the heart of a poet, more important than the techniques of a verse-writer.
Cheers,    jgd

[Aphrodite]

Hello Grace~

It is so great to read you again!

This is such a heart rendering piece, full of gentle compassion.

 "Revealing eyes that spoke of many things,
        Of lovelessness and unrelenting hunger,
        Framed by an aura which to the valiant clings"


Wonderful!  

Blessings~
Lindi

[Guest_Ivy Rose_*]

Grace, this is a lovely poem and so moving, too. You certainly know how to paint a picture in the reader's mind. I want to say hello, as well. You invited me to become a part of this site. You were certainly right about the quality of the writing. It's Sharon Flynn from ilovepoetry.com. Known as Ivy Rose on this site.
You are an excellent writer yourself.