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AMETHYST
Posted on: Nov 20 17, 13:49


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To all of my friends and family here on Mosaic Musings -

HAPPY HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! The past has been difficult and I am saddened that I have been so distant. I hope all of your have been well.

I know each of you have had many ups and downs along this past year and I am so sorry that I have not been there to support you. I have thought about dearest friends often.

I haven't been on Facebook often either so I have lost touch with many of you recently. I just wanted to wish you my deepest love and special thanksgiving prayers.


Love Liz ....

(keeping Larry in heart too)
  Forum: Member Announcements -> Basilica · Post Preview: #149003 · Replies: 3 · Views: 1,006

AMETHYST
Posted on: Dec 21 15, 19:27


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Hi Syl,

This is a wonderful and mysterious poem. I especially liked the interactive interlude between those detailed and the narrator. I have some simple suggestions below. Please use what may be in line of your intentions, otherwise discard what is not.

Big Hugs, Liz

QUOTE
REVISION


I stroll through crowds,
awareness unexceptional today,
savouring aromas of ripe watermelons.
Perhaps I’ll take that yellow pumpkin
and a ½ kilo of kiwis?

Although the L1 is fine, maybe some reconsideration on stroll. Perhaps 'trifle' - it somehow seems to magnify the image of someone idly strolling around. light paced - this image, to my minds eye enhances L2. L2, I would just suggest a switch between awareness unexceptional. I liked the image of meandering through a market place.

I trifle through crowds,
unexceptionally aware today
savouring aromas (suggest line break)
of ripe watermelons,


Whose is that face in the market?

"Whose is" sounds improper. I kept wanting to say who's face is in the market? or whose face is that, in the market.

It’s a familiar one. Seen it around.
Profile’s turned away now.
I’ll take the kiwis, Rosa,
then a watermelon and four beets will do.
Not the pumpkin today.

Suggest omitting unnecessary words to give more punch to the line.
Perhaps:
It's familiar. Seen it around.
profile's turned away -
I look away,
"I'll take the kiwis, Rosa,
a watermelon and four beets will do;
no pumpkin today.


Whose is that face in the market?

Blue blue eyes,
hairline slightly receding,
trim beard, whimsical air of comedy.
A good likeness, yes.
Right! 10 pesos it is...adiós Rosa,
I’ll hurry back now.
Must check in at 9 a.m.

perhaps a substitution for one of your blues to give a more detailed image of the blue eyes.
I liked the movement here. I also liked that you build a sense of suspense for your reader.


Is that a changeling's shade in the market?

Standing its ground,
in appearance weightless,
a sporadic silhouette
amidst resolute shoppers.

Love this. I enjoyed how the alliteration runs smooth from the tongue. and the steadiness of imagery builds the presence of the readers expectation

I get visits in improbable spots:
a gesture in queues at the ticket office
(you loved theatre!),
the shape of another's head, outlined in dimness.
One gets used to it.

Again, weed out unnecessary words.

My visits occur
in improbable places-
gestures in queues, by the ticket office


L3 'you loved theatre!' I love this line, it tells a whole bunch of unsaid story to your tale. But not all, just enough.
L4. I didn't think it added anything. Perhaps it is a very personal reference. If so, perhaps finding a way to detail it in a way that shows more of how personal it is to the narrator.


Friendly ghosts come and go:
my eyes devour them,
my heart is a crystal goblet
brimming over with fine reminiscences.

Good stanza.


I allow ghosts to visit,
then send them on their way.

I love where you are going with the ending couplet. But I do think this can have more of a profound punch. Perhaps -

I grant ghost visits
so they can finally find their way.

Or something that shows the role that the narrator has with the visiting ghosts. Perhaps the narrator is the traveling guide for the spirit world, perhaps the ghosts are drawn to the narrators light within so she / he can send them home. Of course this is yours. These are just ideas.


Sylvia Evelyn, Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia. 2015.
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #141253 · Replies: 17 · Views: 3,172

AMETHYST
Posted on: Dec 21 15, 18:57


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Hello Greenwich,

Nice to meet you. I am Amethyst, otherwise known as Liz (some on the internet might know me as poetprncess) I liked the meaning in your intent. I liked the simplicity and concise. It is the type of poem that with the right words can say so much, with such power in such little words.

The premise of fire/burn and other references that heighten that can bring this more toward the metaphor. Some suggestions, and please feel free to use or lose anything for your consideration.

Otherwise, I do like this. It is a small gem, that packs large imagery.

Best to you, Liz


QUOTE (greenwich @ Dec 18 15, 16:26 ) *
A meeting of minds

Revision
My heart is on fire.
I tirelessly burn after realising
my feelings equates
to falling under your spell.

[b]L1. The word hearth wants to jump out. My heart is a hearth or My heart, like a hearth /
L2, you might want to omit the I. Starting L2 with tirelessly burns (to bring the fire into the hearth) and feeds your metaphor.
L3. I am not sure of your meaning for equates. My suggestion here is to develop the fire/heat/burning images -
Such as:

my feelings, your tinder
scattered among your runes (runes are fortune telling tiles and A POEM OR SAYING OF MYSTICAL MEANING TO CREATE A SPELL.)

  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #141252 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,605

AMETHYST
Posted on: Dec 21 15, 18:37


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Hello Alan,

It is so wonderful to read your poetry again. The smile it left, as well as the woven seriousness of topic is my treasure. I liked voice, especially in S1. Brought to mind a little tough guy telling it like it is.

S2L2, felt awkward for yet, quite. It may be a personal preference. Some thoughts for you to consider might be for sure, what it could be / surely what it could be.

I did also find table/uncomfortable stumble, but I would not offer a change as it was one of the lighthearted lines that made me smile, especially when you pronounce it to make it rhyme. So just saying - :)

You offer some lovely lighthearted rhymes to lead to a stronger ending stanza. A very good holiday poem that brings a smile.

Best to you, Liz



QUOTE (Alan @ Dec 19 15, 17:57 ) *
A LEAK FROM ON HIGH

A rumor has it,
something big's going down.
Holiday Inn's packed
it's all over the town

But nobody knows,
yet, quite what it could be
opinions run riot
not a single room's free

They're packing them in
outhouses and stable
wherever they'll fit -
most uncomfortable

Three Wise Men journey
they're not travelling blind
with some precious gifts
seem to know what's in mind ?

Perhaps "Do they know what's in mind?"

They'd done their planning
days before, from afar
a vision, they claim
to pursue a bright Star

I liked this very much

So how did they know
and what gave them the tip
who leaked great purpose
before start of their trip ?

L3, perhaps who leaked such purpose,
L4, at the start of their trip/ by onset of their trip/


before seems forced and to my ear just doesn't add that kick that the stanza seems to reach for. Of course there are other alternatives. Please use what helps and discard that which doesn't.


Not secure, their plan
someone had the detail
had to be Big Man
Who knew it would not fail


Thus Jesus was born
in a humble hay stack
with Three Kings so wise
AND THERE'S NO GOING BACK !

Alan McAlpine Douglas

  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #141250 · Replies: 7 · Views: 2,147

AMETHYST
Posted on: Dec 21 15, 17:49


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Hello Sylvia, Snow, Luce and Daniel,


Thank you all for some very strong points of revision. As for the use of abide, Luce you are correct about abide, as well as the underlying definition or reference to God's existence where ever it might be to the reader, Yet it was from my archaic days. However, this is a very old poem, so it is due for some revision and freshening up. I do apologize for the link. I thought it worked. I will fix that right a way.

Sylvia, you did pickup on the intent of growth within the poem, much like the push and pull between making choices in line with God and those we face as humans. I think now with some further life experience and changes in opinion I can bring that force to life. Thank you for picking up the seeds, although they were small. It also give a more defined direction.

Snow, I smiled to read your opening line, as it was the same for me, rereading it again since a long time. It was like a whole new poem and I tripped on some things that I hadn't stumbled on before. I am not sure if it is maturity or just distance from the poem. I hope to get your thoughts on the revisions to come. Thank you. I will be using yours and Sly comma suggestions. Although Daniel is supposed to be my gramma patrol! LOL

Hello Daniel, Thank you for your visit. I will be making some progressive changes to this. It has always been one of my favorites because it was my first Villanelle. I hope to hear your thoughts on any revisions brought to this..

Hugs, Liz
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #141247 · Replies: 8 · Views: 1,784

AMETHYST
Posted on: Dec 12 15, 22:17


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Hello Maureen,

I believe we have crossed paths at some point, although it has to have been a few years. You may know me as poetprncess. Either way, I love the tenderness in this and that it is simple enough to be powerful. I am drawn in each line by the loveliness of inner sounds and alliteration. I did however, stumble a few times with the end lines. As it felt as though it would be traditional enough to use an end rhyme scheme, however it's there ... then it isn't.

Some images such as in L6 I can close my eyes and envision the views and colors. In L7, subtle felt weak, as if used until something more powerful came along. However, I cannot offer anything more fitting at this time. I keep thinking of something that means elusive or faint... I will keep thinking on it. L9, I hear a trip in meter. Perhaps..
" on sweetly tinged rose - folded lips" ...

Well, I will keep an eye on this, it is so lyrical. I do hope I have left something of worth, otherwise, please use or lose any suggestions.

Best Wishes, Liz

QUOTE (Maureen @ Jun 18 15, 19:05 ) *
SPIRIT VOICES … Maureen Clifford © The Scribbly Bark Poet


She held the shell up to her ear
and heard the spirit of the sea
‘cross oceans broad around the world
from waters shallow, waters deep.
Its columellar folds displayed
soft pastel pink and shimmery white,
a glazed pearlescent subtle sheen
like enamel in morning light,
sweetly tinged rose – the folded lips
were touched with sable, subtle, deep
and in its depths were purple hues
like skies at dusk – dark moody blues.

She held the shell up to her ear
and heard the spirit of the sea

  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #140992 · Replies: 12 · Views: 3,033

AMETHYST
Posted on: Dec 12 15, 21:57


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Posting this for revisit. An old Villanelle

Temptation's Time

Why steer away from God's abide
into the dark where evil strays.
Be still, my child, stay by my side.

The times have changed some nights I cry
to see unrest erode our ways.
Why steer away from God's abide?

As golden friendships now have died
and many feel they've been betrayed
Be still, my child-stay by my side.

Only the strong of heart reside
herein; hold fast-don't go astray
Why steer away from God's abide

and lose your way upon the tide-
alone, afraid...until you pray...
be still, my child-stay by my side.

The lord can see, his eyes are wide
and strong is he...to save the day...
Why steer away from God's abide,
be still...my child; stay by my side.


  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #140991 · Replies: 8 · Views: 1,784

AMETHYST
Posted on: Dec 12 15, 21:42


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Thank you Daniel,

Well or now, my grandson is a handful and a joy. Lauren, my granddaughter is about 5 inches taller than me and a bit taller than Kelly. Baby steps does sound like a good point for me to try a new Cinquain. I hope the rest of me agrees.

As for your revision, it is masterful. The only little nit for me is in L15
[q]
The song of Achilles warns

about the long walk back.[/q]

Perhaps instead of 'back' maybe home to reflect on the longing to return, the conflict of mother/father and choices. It also has a nice sound alliance with bone. LOL

Yet, I only suggest it to have something to offer. Otherwise, it truly is a beautiful poem.

Best wishes, Liz
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #140990 · Replies: 18 · Views: 3,726

AMETHYST
Posted on: Dec 12 15, 21:33


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Oh Lori, this is beautiful. I do believe I remember it although if I do, the memories are fragmented. So I am going to look at this fresh and new.

First I support most of Luce's suggestions, especially in L2, to change twinkled to sprinkled. Sprinkled seems to flow off the tongue and sounds pleasing. However, I liked ashen snow if the main purposes was to show contrast to the beauty, otherwise perhaps sometimes snow is seen as silvery - either silver snow or satin snow...

I love the poem, and of course you know I have always loved the form, since the day you created it! LOL

I wish I had better suggestions, but slow and steady ....

Hugs,Liz

  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #140989 · Replies: 10 · Views: 2,636

AMETHYST
Posted on: Dec 5 15, 11:36


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Oh Snow, It has been too, too long to read your work and I have missed having my heart strings tugged. I have to say there is some strong lines and images here, but my one critique is that I am left with too little understanding of the subject. Perhaps indicating the 'who' the narrator looks in on, the one that passes and leaves our narrator both grateful and saddened, may be the spark for a title. This would also smooth out that feeling of being lost with what is going on in the poem

Some further notes inline....although not too many nits. I would mostly suggest finding away to bring your reader in to clarify the image of the narrator and who she is speaking to/of.

QUOTE
The family's visit
caught me up in a whirlwind
of cooking and clearing.
You buzz through my head.
as they chatter and chuckle.

I like the way this stanza has grown and shaped. L4, made me imagine a bird. Although it isn't a problem, perhaps checking if L2 might be stronger with out the "up" - caught me in a whirlwind/of cooking and clearing.

I rush to look in on you again
but your lights are out.
I ring the bell,
bang on the door,
peer through the window.
The place is hushed -

The 'again' at the end of S2 L1, was a little confusing only that there is not mention to the reader of a first visit or establishing a scene.

Perhaps:
I rush to look in on you,
but your lights are out.


you've gone.

It's too late to cry
Thank you,
for savouring my passions.
You never mocked my dreams,
but nurtured the seeds, my visions.

L1 sort of felt confusing for me. Why is it too late to cry? I would think there is a lot of crying to come, because the narrator has lost someone or something that was critical to their life force. A supporter of the talents, dreams.... there will be crying for a long time. I Love the emotion this offers and it develops a preliminary view of who the narrator has now lost. However, I believe you can bring out the depth of the loss in a more powerful image.

perhaps you would consider omitting L1 or suggestion of "I grieve your passing/filled with gratitude / You never mocked/my dreams, instead/ you nurtured the seeds, my visions/savoring my passions.



Air chills as I turn away,
a sliver of me missing.

Perhaps bringing missing down onto its own line.


Of course, as always use what might help, discard what does not, but most of all .... thank you for sharing this very emotionally deep poem that perhaps may inspire others.

Big Hugs, Liz
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #140765 · Replies: 23 · Views: 4,795

AMETHYST
Posted on: Dec 5 15, 10:57


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Hello Daniel,

I am going to review the revision with a good eye. I was a little worried that some of the lines I adored may have been the inspirational titles, but sometimes it isn't always the words of the line, but rather how they become amazing in the context. I am so happy to get participating again. My absence is mostly due to medical issues. So this time I am going to go slow and try not to overwhelm myself. Baby steps! wink.gif There is a poem in there somewhere! LOL

Anyway. I have printed out your revision and will be back with some further comments. I have missed you also and will certainly work on some Cinquains to offer.

Big Hugs to you and the family, Liz
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #140762 · Replies: 18 · Views: 3,726

AMETHYST
Posted on: Nov 30 15, 14:12


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Beautiful reasons.... and a beautiful spring of poetry - So glad to read your work and I remember when Lauren and I watched Little Einsteins (although My new Grandson will be turning 1 soon and he hasn't found any shows of his liking. But he loves to read. Perhaps he will be a mini grandma and be a writer.

Hugs, Liz

QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Nov 29 15, 07:21 ) *
Liz and Luce...

I've just posted my first REVISION, and I was about to reply to both of you, but my granddaughter is demanding my attention just now, and I have to watch "Little Einsteins" with her.

deLighting in your observations, Daniel sun.gif

  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #140530 · Replies: 18 · Views: 3,726

AMETHYST
Posted on: Nov 30 15, 14:04


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Hi K.S. Lenk,

Good to meet you. I will get to your poem separately but wanted to reply to something you said here that brought back such warm and amazing memories. I remember when I first started years ago - on Poem Kingdom, where many of the old timers here at MM met, bonded and have been critical to each others learning. Critique forums are for learning and growing. When I first started I had no education, no previous knowledge of rhyme, rhythems, forms. I only knew what sounded right to me, what made me feel and what pleased me, made me cry or inspired me. Your work is very good. As all of our poetry needs tweaking so does this, but I wanted to share that so you know ... just because you aren't sure of yourself with forms, rhyming and formal poetry, you possess one thing that makes you more than adequate to reply to others ... you know what you like, you have feelings and emotions and you are willing to learn and grow. :)

I hope to get to know more of your work and grow with you...

Best Regards, Amethyst

QUOTE (K.S. Lenk @ Nov 29 15, 17:27 ) *
Hi Cleo,

No of course I don't mind. I didn't myself, because I felt inadequate in giving feedback to other entries and I know this is a requirement for posting. As I write mostly FV myself, I'm not sure how to approach the rhyming ones. I do love them though and often read them with a slight touch of envy :) I make rare attempts myself, just don't feel I've found a tone or voice in it yet.

Thank you.

Regards ,
K.

  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #140528 · Replies: 16 · Views: 2,684

AMETHYST
Posted on: Nov 30 15, 12:49


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Hi Sylvia,

Beautiful work found here. It is a pleasure to be back reading such lovely images and your view, that only you can offer. First let me thank you for teaching me to new words, 'adamantine' and 'frieze,' both are wonderful words and I have never seen them, or if I have never knew what they meant. Thank you. I might borrow them in future works.

Now to this delight. As I have been out of practice and often have very poor memory, I might have forgotten some terminology or reference, so I will do my best. The rhythem is lovely, perhaps a line or two I felt a stumble, but was eased by the wonderful inner rhymes you have weaved. I especially liked partnership with law/lure in L6.

The transition from Stanza 1 to 2 is smooth. Liked that you take the reader from the view of the narrator to the inner thoughts -connecting them. S3 is my favorite it is chock full of smooth alliteration and deep thought. It inspires the reader to 'feel' the sense of excitement and fear of the unknown. I did however feel that S3 had more power and punch to it that your ending couplet, for which should be the real nugget.

That is minor compared to the enjoyment of this Sonnet and the possibilities it offers. Some minor thoughts in text, I hope I can offer something of worth. As for a name, I am going to think on some suggestions, but I think the title is most likely the most inner thought of what brought this to be born. Look into those thoughts you will find it.

Big Love and Hugs, Glad to be back - Love you, Liz


QUOTE (Psyche @ Nov 27 15, 01:02 ) *

The seafront vents an adamantine breeze
that pounds against the pinewoods, moist with rain;
recalls an ancient shrine with russet frieze,
blasts my attendant horse’s mangled mane.

each of these lines are lovely, offering crisp images and partnered with moving sounds. I especially loved L1 & L2 for the sounds quality coupletted by the visual feel. The only nit I had here was L4, I kept wanting to say pummels, but was not clear to the meaning of 'my attendant horse's mangeled mane' Did you mean that someone is with you travelling as an aide or assistant? Perhaps another word choice for attendant, some thoughts could include "pummels my helper's Stallion's mangled mane" - of course this might be just as weak, but it may inspire something that heightens the line.

What dreams have slipped my mind these years, or by
what stellar law have failed to lure my heart?
The tide is tanned with spume this dawn, -I sigh
in sufferance, not wishing to depart.

I love this stanza. I tried to think of another alternative for 'what' in L2, only because of the repeat so close. Although it really isn't a nit at all, as it has its own contribution to both meaning and image. S2L4: in sufferance, reluctant to depart;

Whispering wraithlike shrouds beneath the sea
divine unwritten rules the Fates have bound
to stay my soul, or souls who yearn for me

Loved "to stay my soul' the voice is so fitting to the poem itself...

this morn. My mind forswears such barren ground,
as if today some secret, nameless key
unlocks a source to sway my life around.

I would still bring up the final line of S3 and end with a couplet. Perhaps ...

to stay my soul, or souls who yearn for me
this morn. My mind forswears such barren ground -

as if today some secret, nameless key
unlocks the (suggest alternative) turning my life around -
perhaps port like portkey and port hole for which the narrator appears to be caught in another dimention of soul - I did like the alliteration of source/sway, perhaps I will return with better thoughts. Beautiful work.



By Psyche.
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #140527 · Replies: 26 · Views: 8,639

AMETHYST
Posted on: Nov 26 15, 05:34


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Happy Thanksgiving to you also. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Best to you, Liz
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #140367 · Replies: 16 · Views: 3,160

AMETHYST
Posted on: Nov 24 15, 21:23


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Hello RC,

I am Liz. I am glad to meet you. Especially that I read this a few times and each time found nuggets of enjoyable word-smithing. For now, the only thing that feels awkward to me is L3 whereas, 'symmetry of your face...' reads smooth. The rough or crass feel I get from 'in your face' gives a sound of force or distaste from the narrator - However, that may be what you are going for, in which case it works well. Perhaps that double edge of love/hate -

Anyway, I will look in again tomorrow evening with fresh eyes.

Best Wishes, Amethyst
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #140302 · Replies: 13 · Views: 2,829

AMETHYST
Posted on: Nov 24 15, 21:15


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Hello Daniel,

First I adore the form "Ethere," it has so much to offer. We both know how much I love Cinquains and this seems to provide more opportunity to shaping and story telling. I didn't need to know the reference, I imagined my own back drop story. I also have not gotten the opportunity to check out the titles used so I can give my thoughts freely in that regards.

Second, there are some lines here that jump out and grab me. Specifically L9, L10, L12 and L13. Some minor nits to offer, but I thought that L12 & L13 were exceptional and could be the meat of their own poetry. Nicely done, Daniel - I hope your works inspire me to get some juice back like many times in the past.

Best Wishes, Liz


QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Nov 21 15, 01:51 ) *
Since I've not posted here for a while, I thought I might get some new perspective from y'all on a piece (a double ethere <-- click here to see what it is!) I wrote here a couple years ago but never put it up for critique:



Jacob's Son



Gold-

wonder

kill-shot me

a world away;

I can hear the wind

thru the keyhole, as of I tripped over as of, wanted to say 'much like

the last policeman's whistle.

Why did I forsake my homestead

for but the prospect of shine shine shine?

I'm charred and scruffed like the fallen angel.

This is a powerful line, but the 'the' by fallen angel feels weak. Although I wanted to offer 'like a fallen angel" I get the feeling (I have not read the reference to the poem) that it refers to a specific fallen angel

Who'd ever find a land more kind than home?

But the shadow of night spills darkness; I LOVE THIS LINE

I've become but shadow and bone.

The song of Achilles warns

about the long walk back.

Though Dad bid me go

Mom will be there

defending

Jacob's

son.


the ending is strong. It can relate to and associate to many people and their experiences. I felt over all (besides a couple it nits, this is wonderful.




© MLee Dickens'son 2013

alluding to the Parable of the Lost Son in Luke 15:11-32



from 15 challenge book titles, in order: Gold, Wonder, Kill Shot, A World Away, The Wind Through the Keyhole, The Last Policeman, Shine Shine Shine, Charred & Scruffed, The Fallen Angel, A Land More Kind Than Home, Shadow of Night, Shadow and Bone, The Song of Achilles, The Long Walk, Defending Jacob

  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #140301 · Replies: 18 · Views: 3,726

AMETHYST
Posted on: Nov 24 15, 06:15


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Member No.: 10


Hello Luce,

Welcome to Mosaic Musings. Reading your work and the diligence and skill of your revisions, I would say that you and MM are like two peas from the same pod and a good match. I have been away and quite rusty at critique, but your latest revision leaves me only with positive comments. I enjoyed how the story you tell has a bit fun and playfulness while wrapping around memories.

I sense a little sadness, it is delicate within the words yet present. I also felt your rhythm was nice. It kept the read smooth and uninterrupted. I may return later on for more thoughts, off to work I go, I go...

Nice to meet you, Liz
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #140260 · Replies: 16 · Views: 3,160

AMETHYST
Posted on: Nov 23 15, 15:49


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Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10


Hello Joe,

Welcome to Mosaic Musings. It is a wonderful place to make home. I can say that... I have been absent a long while, but home is always warm and you know you are welcomed. I hope to get to know you and I look forward to reading your work.

Best to yiu Liz
  Forum: Introduce Yourself · Post Preview: #140246 · Replies: 5 · Views: 2,664

AMETHYST
Posted on: Apr 23 13, 08:46


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From: Florida
Member No.: 10


Hi Daniel,

I enjoyed this so much. I liked the intention made with the form selected. I did want to suggest for a title, Estranged Critter, as it implies more previous relationship or closeness and your critter is becoming estranged.

There are mostly lovely nuggets found in this poem, specifically those that show what many of us are going through with our muse - (as that is how this related to me, my estranged relationship with my creative juices)

I would only like to offer a small thought to S2, L4 - perhaps and purred a bit, I think - but looked away
it would add a little sound dance between your perhaps/purred and bit/but ... then seemed so casual, the word but gives me a insight to the narrators feeling of disappointment in the critter.

Or perhaps something with the word 'Aloof' for a title.

Oh you know me, some little thoughts to nibble on for you and your critter.
Best Regards, Liz
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #131494 · Replies: 6 · Views: 1,754

AMETHYST
Posted on: Apr 23 13, 08:28


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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10


Hello Thomas,

Welcome to Mosaic Musings. I see you share your works in various places, so I hope you might find a home here a MM, that can help to put a shine on your works and get them publication ready. I am always making small changes to works that I want to send for publication.

I look forward to reading your works on our forums.

Best Regards, Elizabeth -
  Forum: Introduce Yourself · Post Preview: #131493 · Replies: 6 · Views: 6,403

AMETHYST
Posted on: Apr 17 13, 09:48


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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10


Hi Maureen,

Paddocks is perfect. It also adds to the alliteration between pastures, while it also adds a charisma to the visual images the reader receives. I loved the detailed additions of the bays - and the poem is so full of emotion.

The small towns in which you describe are exactly what I have always dreamed to live in - literally, ever since I was child I felt a need or longing, almost a deep seeded dream of a small and under populated country side town. Sometimes I can feel it so deep in me. I will surely check out that link. Thank you for that treasure.

When I get home from work I will reread the edits, but what I have read this far the changes really have enhanced the entire pleasure of the poem. Including adding some further depth to the experience of the reader.

Blessings to you, Liz
PS Thank you for such a wonderful poem!!!


  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #131263 · Replies: 8 · Views: 2,997

AMETHYST
Posted on: Apr 16 13, 13:39


Ornate Oracle
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10


Hey there Dave,

Goodness it feels like home again. As you already know I am Haiku-challenged - but I know beautiful images when I see them.

Your painted snapshot, draws a very clear picture of life in motion, and the changes that are indicated by the spring/the northerly gusts and noon walk.

This paints for me a time to get out and walk, breathing new life - while highlighted with the gray of northerly gusts, (passing winter) ... the contrasts of the early spring.

Always wonderful to read your works,

Big hugs, Liz
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #131224 · Replies: 7 · Views: 1,521

AMETHYST
Posted on: Apr 16 13, 13:30


Ornate Oracle
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10


A loving grandma heart comes already built with those gifts! wink.gif It's first nature!

  Forum: Introduce Yourself · Post Preview: #131223 · Replies: 15 · Views: 3,922

AMETHYST
Posted on: Apr 16 13, 12:21


Ornate Oracle
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10


Hey Girls,

It is not complaining, this is what old friends share - especially as we stumble upon so many aches and pains and health issues.

Mel, I know what you mean about the medication schedule... in the morning its like medication for high blood pressure, diabetes, COPD, Gerd and Fibro is my breakfast, and I have to set an alarm on my cell to remind me of my afternoon and evening meds - LOL ... talk about getting old ...

I slipped into the 40's and tumbled through to 50 where I crash landed! LOL There must be a poem in all of these threads! HAHA ...

Could you believe my grand daughter is going to be 10? ... She is so much me, and so much like her mother it is crazy. She is my world!!!

I will enjoy sharing in the birth of your grand son and watching him grow through your poetry and perhaps some pictures. I am happy to be in touch with you again.

Best wishes, Liz
  Forum: Introduce Yourself · Post Preview: #131220 · Replies: 15 · Views: 3,922

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