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Posted on: Dec 22 08, 15:58 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
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Oh Merlin I could cry. How sad. I know we cannot force people to seek shelter, but still it hurts the heart. You take real good care to stay nice and toasty warm.
Thank you so much for all your painstaking information and the time you invested in telling me. While I can read quite well, exceptionally well for that matter and have good comprehension skills, a lot of it read like greek to me. To illuminate further, I've had absolutely no proffessional training in the learning of poetry nor, anyone who was available to teach me all the technical terms or what they meant. I still have trouble dealing with the iambic pentameter and simply use my fingers to count syllable and try as best a poorly educated student can, to get as close as I can to using the right stressors. I am a study of frustration right now, because I want to instantly understand...lol. Would you perchance know of a website where I may gather some good intelligence on technical terms and how to use them? Forgive me, I probably should have sent you a message, but didn't think of it until now. I will next time.
Let me end by saying this, you are in my mind, truly amazing and I bow before your well of knowledge.
Pami |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #112369
· Replies: 17
· Views: 8,992
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Posted on: Dec 20 08, 19:00 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
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No Bah Humbugs, Just Love
Now no bah humbugs my dear ‘Tis no way to herald in the New Year Christmas as society would promote it Isn’t at all to what we are devoted! Truth to tell, and this is no lie There is no tree or gifts for hubby or I We give to others as we can ~~ The gift of love from God to man. Giving praise for our Lord’s birth To one day sacrifice Himself for us on Earth. To rise again death defeated A living promise at once completed. We have the gift of life we must live it And all the love in us we must give it For our journey has just begun To follow the footsteps of God’s Son. No Bah Humbugs, just give love The real Christmas is no Holiday above It is a reflection of pure love and humility For the greatest gift was given to you and me. ~~Eternity ~~ In Heaven’s Love Everlasting. By Pami Jane |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #112325
· Replies: 3
· Views: 1,973
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Posted on: Dec 20 08, 18:40 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
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Dear Merlin
Streetwalkers made my heart stutter. Seriously it really gripped me with its harsh and cold disillusionment of the protagonists reality. I'm particularly fond of your line "like bright electric stardrops, hang from pole" and the whole last stanza. Taken out of context they represent the joy mixed in with the sorrow that your streetwalker has become so accustomed to that it is taken in wry and cynical stride. I love both of your poems, but man oh man, the sheer depth and power of Streetwalkers really packs a wallop! Together as one poem it is superb!
Technical question, I can't remember what type of poem you subtitled this to be I know I wasn't familiar with the term...and I noticed each one has ten syllables in each line and that both contained fourteen lines...is that all there is to this form of poetry?
~Eager to learn, Pami
~P.S. Down south a game of shinny is climbing like monkey's up and down trees, poles, ladders, anything climbable...and some not so...lol. |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #112321
· Replies: 17
· Views: 8,992
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Posted on: Dec 17 08, 22:39 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
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Failed Resolution (Tweaked)
By Pamela Jane Tennant
12/16/08
Last year sworn to solemn Resolution I, engaging on a weight loss campaign, Watched in dread my resolves dissolution; Packed on wretched Holiday pounds. Insane! Tumultuous then pain and misery Attempting with all Determination, What to most of us is a mystery; I claim it's ripe for Elimination! Now, the last month of two thousand and eight, I cringe at the thought of rose colored view; In requiem lies restless last years fate, I must face my resolution anew.
A battle, a duel of heightened states, Cold fate that gravity initiates!Thanks to Ron and Merlin for their critiques. I hope very much that I've made this a better sonnet from their helpful comments.
Below is my first rendering...corrections are in red.Failed Resolution
By Pamela Jane Tennant
12/16/08
Last year sworn to solemn Resolution I, engaging on a weight loss campaign, Watched in dread my resolves dissolution; Packed on wretched Holiday pounds in vain.
Tumultuous then pain and misery Attempting in all Determination, What to most of us is a mystery; AH! I claim it's ripe for Elimination! 11 syllables
Now, the last month of two thousand eight, 9 syllables I cringe at the thought of rose colored view; Whilst in requiem lies restless last years fate 11 syllables I must face my r e s o l u t i o n...anew.
A battle, a duel of heightened state; Ah! The fate that gravity doth create! |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #112241
· Replies: 8
· Views: 4,132
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Posted on: Dec 17 08, 22:22 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
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Dear Ron,
Out of polite etiquette and intrigued to see what type of sonnet you write, here I am to observe your style and make my remarks. Being that I am just learning the sonnet I feel I have no store of comments that would benefit your poem, the meter is awesome, the rhyme is spot on and the words are beautiful and the message profound and worthy, appealing to my own heart set. No nits for you, only high praise for a tribute to my favorite of all time master poet. Thank you for posting this here for people like me to savor and most importantly, learn from.
Blessings, Pami |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #112239
· Replies: 24
· Views: 13,835
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Posted on: Dec 17 08, 20:11 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
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WOW! Merlin...what can I say??? Thank you! What an in depth critique and how hard it is at times to take it well...in spite of what we say...lol
I love to center. It makes a poem look more balanced to me...I'm sorry it annoyed you! I write a lot of different things that require centering and I've just become charmed with it. I don't center with all my poetry, but most. I did look at it again from your eyes, it does take on a text shape of a plump lady in a dress, sans head and limbs that is...lol.
Drat! I usually catch those typos! I guess I'd read over this too many times to see it, so thank you for pointing that out to me! I'll fix it ASAP! I'm a touch typist, though untrained, I taught myself, and sometimes my mind runs way ahead of my fingers and they stumble trying to keep up...one of the worst things they like to do is add an "e" on the end of wisdom...I hate that, but usually catch it...meanwhile, did you mean cHampagne? Though I'm sure many campaigners enjoy there celebratory libations! (Gentle nudge)
Hmmm. I'll give due consideration to your point on "doth" I guess I'm one of the elite that still does. But then I love archaic articulation. Diction doesn't come easy to me anymore and I don't know why, perhaps as I age my southern dialect interferes more than it used to. Statement duly noted and I will work on that. Thank you!
Some days my brain just stops thinking...lol. Other days, I exude beautiful prose.
Thank you for a valuable critique...you and Ron both have given me much to think about!
Happy Holidays, Pami xoxo
P.S.
I tried to download the spellcheck here and it wouldn't so, I'll be sure to test my poems from now on in Word before posting here. Another good tip for me. |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #112232
· Replies: 8
· Views: 4,132
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Posted on: Dec 17 08, 19:51 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
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Ron, thank you so very much for your critique. I am only just beginning this form, my third, and know next to nothing about it, and do it practically by "ear." I 'm not the brightest bulb in the pack and with a learning deficit it takes a lot longer than most, for me to comprehend and then "save" new knowledge, especially if they are complex. So I will take all of your kind suggestions and "save" them and continue to try, hoping one day I'll right a sonnet that will blow everyone's socks off...and any other article of clothing affected...hehehe As for the metronome, I use my fingers. It's the best I can do, there is no other option at this point in time. Please visit me again and keep me on my toes!
Blessings, Pami |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #112230
· Replies: 8
· Views: 4,132
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Posted on: Dec 17 08, 19:28 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
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Lori and John thank you for the welcome backs.
Lori I use broadband
I'm so sorry to have put you all to so much trouble.
I did do two reviews and one post last night, but it took over an hour...
Unfortunately it isn't loading any faster for me...at least this reply window didn't. I would blame it on my firewall...and may even shut it off very reluctantly for a little bit to do my own test, but I belong to several sites with intense backgrounds, though this is the most beautiful, and they come up instantly for me in most cases.
Imhotep, I'm going to try to reply to your message after this, but it I get "stuck" again I'll have to come back when I have more time.
Again to all of you thank you, and apologies. If I'm the only one experiencing this level of difficulty in getting in it must be on my end, maybe even my ISP.
Arrnfinn...how long did it take you to navigate back and forth yesterday?
Blessings, Pami |
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Forum: Introduce Yourself
· Post Preview: #112227
· Replies: 9
· Views: 8,009
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Posted on: Dec 17 08, 01:43 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
|
Failed Resolution (Tweaked)
By Pamela Jane Tennant
12/17/08
Last year sworn to solemn Resolution I, engaging on a weight loss campaign, Watched in dread my resolves dissolution; Packed on wretched Holiday pounds. Insane! Tumultuous then pain and misery Attempting with all Determination, What to most of us is a mystery; I claim it's ripe for Elimination! Now, the last month of two thousand and eight, I cringe at the thought of rose colored view; In requiem lies restless last years fate, I must face my resolution anew.
A battle, a duel of heightened states, Cold fate that gravity initiates!
Thanks to Ron and Merlin for their critiques. I hope very much that I've made this a better sonnet from their helpful comments.
Original:
Failed Resolution By Pamela Jane Tennant
12/16/08
Last year sworn to solemn Resolution I, engaging on a weight loss campaigne, Watched in dread my resolves dissolution; Packed on wretched Holiday pounds in vain.
Tumultuous then pain and misery Attempting in all Determination, What to most of us is a mystery; AH! I claim it's ripe for Elimination!
Now, the last month of two thousand eight, I cringe at the thought of rose colored veiw; Whilst in requiem lies restless last years fate I must face my r e s o l u t i o n...anew.
A battle, a duel of heightened state; Ah. The fate that gravity doth create!
I am humbled by the truly great poets here. I realize my work is lacking, polish and better prose. Any suggestions about any or all of what I have written will be heartily welcomed with gratitude. |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #112215
· Replies: 8
· Views: 4,132
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Posted on: Dec 16 08, 23:54 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
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Lori sweetie, this poem left me breathless! Riveting and ethereally enchanting imagery sparkled right off the page and right into my heart. Truly beautiful Trois-par-Huit, perfectly written, but the theme and vibrant vision it created is what really stole my breath away. This needs no critique...do you have it published in a book somewhere? I would love to buy it if you do. Wonderful poem to read this time, heck any time of year. Love and blessings, Pami xoxox PS Every page takes forever to download. I've saved each to my faves so maybe I'll only have to go through this once...on hopes, anyway your poem was worth all the trouble! |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #112213
· Replies: 8
· Views: 2,925
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Posted on: Dec 16 08, 23:24 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
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Hi and Happy Holidays to those I know and to those I look forward to getting to know! I've had a hard time getting on the site, and tonight it took over 10 minutes just to open this forum so I could let you know I got on.
The main background, or opening page takes a long time to download. About 3-4 minuted until the Christmas counter is up and then when I clicked on this forum it made me open the rules to read, then took another 4 minutes before it would fully open.
I hope it's not my computer, I have no other trouble with any of my other sites. Anyway I'm here, and I'm going to go do a couple of reviews so I may offer my third ever sonnet for critique. I may never understand all the ins and outs of learning about meters and stresses and stressors, but I surely do love writing, and I'm eager to try. I also have friends who rely on my to teach them what I know...so I'm always looking to increase my understanding.
Hugs and Christmas Love, Joy and Peace to all!
Pami xoxox |
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Forum: Introduce Yourself
· Post Preview: #112211
· Replies: 9
· Views: 8,009
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Posted on: Mar 8 08, 19:38 |
Assyrian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: 13-September 07
From: Conway, Arkansas
Member No.: 468
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I really have trouble with stressors, but I'm trying so hard to "get" this form. Did I do good, or do I still need to work on it? Thank you in advance for your advice in critique.
There is a sea, vast and deep inside me one I've been drowning in for many years, Something hides there holding me in dark glee; even from the pain of my own sad tears. Mountains and tons of flesh that cover, hide the ME I am supposed to, and should be. Hard as rock, heart of stone? Did I decide how could I? to do this thing to me? Now at forty eight I'm knockin' down the gate using faith, as a catapult aflame! Break now down, the door of shame and self hate; the urge to give in to the game of blame. Life, need, is here, fully alive within I'm going to make this work and I WILL win. |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #107004
· Replies: 7
· Views: 4,617
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