Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

IPB
 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Man From Bolling (Revision), limerick
Maggie
post May 26 09, 20:50
Post #1


Greek
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in



Man from Bolling (Revision)

There once was an old man from Bolling
who loved to go down the street strolling.
With his purse in hand
and a fandango fan,
he set all his neighbors' eyes rolling.


Peggy Carpenter Harwood


Man from Bolling

There once was an old man from Bolling
who loved to go down the street strolling.
He had lipstick in hand
and a fandango fan.
All who saw him felt their eyes rolling.

Peggy Carpenter Harwood


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post May 28 09, 20:53
Post #2


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Too funny Peggy! rofl.gif

My only issue is your closing line. While one can certainly feel their eyes rolling, would one say it? I suggest a re-work of that line - perhaps incorporating 'audience' or 'crowd' in there instead? I would think they couldn't resist rolling their eyes, more so than feeling them roll.

Cheers
~Cleo


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Maggie
post May 28 09, 23:50
Post #3


Greek
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in



Hi Cleo,

Thanks for the excellent idea!! Is it any better now or would "sent" be better than "set"?

Peggy


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post May 29 09, 05:29
Post #4


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Much better Peggy!


YAY for you! hsdance.gif

~Cleo pharoah2.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Larry
post May 29 09, 17:35
Post #5


Creative Chieftain
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,332
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hey Peggy,

I think I knew a guy like that once. Very weird dude!

Here is another last line you might ponder: "Those watching now needed consoling"

Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Maggie
post May 30 09, 20:22
Post #6


Greek
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in



Hi Larry,

Thank you for reading, commenting and suggesting an alternate last line!! Ha!! Ha!! I really like your line, but do think I'll keep the one I've got.

Great to run into you on the boards!!!

Peggy


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
merle
post May 31 09, 03:24
Post #7


Assyrian
**

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 262
Joined: 4-February 09
Member No.: 756
Real Name: Robin DeWalt
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Winning Writer's web site



Very entertaining!
There's a man who strolls around my neighborhood in dresses and combat boots.
Life is interesting.
A great read for me.

Merle


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Maggie
post Jun 5 09, 10:12
Post #8


Greek
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in



Hi merle,

Thanks for reading!!! This world certainly has some funny characters in it, doesn't it?
Ha!!! rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif

Peggy


·······IPB·······

 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th March 2024 - 03:40




Read our FLYERS - click below



Reference links provided to aid in fine-tuning your writings. ENJOY!

more Quotes
more Art Quotes
Dictionary.com ~ Thesaurus.com

Search:
for
Type in a word below to find its rhymes, synonyms, and more:

Word: