Freedom, monologue (flash) Options

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Freedom

I never realised this place could be beautiful. Sure the Lord Almighty has lifted my soul today. The sun is shining and it’s hot, like it’s always hot here. But the bluebirds are singing special for me, raising their voices, praising the Lord for letting them see, letting them see the light shining on God’s kingdom.

I am walking in the light today: one of God’s children, Eve’s daughters. If only my own daughter was here with me now. I know where she lies, down by the red barn; I’ll lay some flowers as the sun sets. No sense picking any now anyways – they’d wilt in a shake in this heat. My sons are here, singing with the others, singing Hallelujahs and praising the Almighty with their fine, deep voices. But I miss my baby. I’ll pick some lilies from the river bank. Mississippi lilies, to mark her grave. They’ll be pale in the moonlight.

No picking today, though. A day of rest and not even the Sabbath. The boss he stood at the top of the steps and we all gathered round him. He had a paper for each of us, all official. I can’t read it but he said it’s my freedom. There’d been talk; Lordy how much talk! And the bosses all tight-lipped, saying nothing, telling us to keep quiet. But we whispered; the rumours ran like the river rising till today it’s burst its banks and washed the past away.

Everything has changed. What will grow in the new tilth spread by the flood? We can be anything, says Tom, we are God’s children as much as they are. We can learn to read and write. We can do anything; there’ll be no more slavery, no more masters. We’ll all be equal in the Almighty’s vision.


© Toumai, 2005

Note:

I wrote this for a 20 minute 'real time' flash excercise elsewhere working on 'voice'. The stimulus involved choosing a place and time on an important day in history, exploring it as an invisible visitor, tasting the food and so on, and finally becoming one of the people there (if we felt comfortable with that). It has been slightly revisied and tweaked but is still raw - not for detailed crit.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran

An interesting idea for a Flash, though 20 minutes doesn't seem nearly enough time to experience being an invisible visitor at a scene on a memorable date in history and then become one of the characters.

I think you convey well her mixed feelings at getting her freedom.  It must have been both a very exciting prospect but also quite a scary one moving on from a way of life that has been so familiar to her all her life.  There is also the sadness that her daughter isn't with her to witness this memorable day.  There is also the naivety that a piece of paper granting freedom will automatically mean that the former masters and their families and friends will see the former slaves as anything other than slaves.

I wonder what your MC would think if she were an invisible visitor in the same area today.  

Thanks for the read

Nina

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Nina

An interesting idea for a Flash, though 20 minutes doesn't seem nearly enough time to experience being an invisible visitor at a scene on a memorable date in history and then become one of the characters.

Ah, sorry: the WRITING time was 20 minutes; the visualisation (via a chat room) took perhaps ten minutes or more before that.

I think you convey well her mixed feelings at getting her freedom.  It must have been both a very exciting prospect but also quite a scary one moving on from a way of life that has been so familiar to her all her life.  There is also the sadness that her daughter isn't with her to witness this memorable day.  There is also the naivety that a piece of paper granting freedom will automatically mean that the former masters and their families and friends will see the former slaves as anything other than slaves.

The risk with a long visualisation is that some small part of it will jar one out of the process to some extent, but this time I was quite immersed and what came out was very spontaneous. I should imagine that the freedom would be passionately desired, but there would also be many fears for the future.

I wonder what your MC would think if she were an invisible visitor in the same area today.

Indeed. So much progress (not). I think that the recent images from Lousiana were probably why my subconcious settled on my MC for the flash.

Thanks, Nina

Fran

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Fran,

This is an interesting piece.  I've never seen anything written this way.

I think you did a great job expressing the thoughts that must have gone through many minds that day.  They probably stood there thinking that
piece of paper was the answer to prayer when it was really just the beginning
of a nightmare for them.  They had to be scared as well as excited.

Well done!
Cathy

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Cathy

This is an interesting piece.  I've never seen anything written this way.

It is an internal monologue: the narator's thoughts expressed in her own voice.

It was an interesting excercise. You could try it with people mentioned in the papers, or famous people from history - tell a scence (perhaps a famous event) from their POV in "their" voice. Or try the voice of a small child, an elderly man, a surfer ...

I think you did a great job expressing the thoughts that must have gone through many minds that day.  They probably stood there thinking that piece of paper was the answer to prayer when it was really just the beginning of a nightmare for them.  They had to be scared as well as excited.

Thanks, Cathy. I'm glad I managed to get some of that duality across in such a short time.

Fran