March 2007 IBPC Nominations, for April Comp Options

[Eisa]

This is extrememly well crafted and hard to believe it's Lori's first quantrain refrain.

This posted in Herme's Homilies: Shadow's Lands

Shadow's Lands
First Revision: TY John, Eric and Liz!

She slinks along through Shadow’s lands,
aware of mortals’ mighty claw
where skilled disciples deal their hands
of destiny; she’ll not withdraw.

Tall torches raze a tepid night,
emblazoned mark of high command
consumes the chaos they invite;
she slinks along through Shadow’s lands.

A camouflage of earthen tones
incites a Vulture’s lynching law.
They eat raw flesh; discard the bones
aware of mortals’ mighty claw.

Adjudication comes to pass
unlike combatants; she withstands
content to bathe in fodder’s grass…
where skilled disciples deal their hands.

Her world is changed, no more the prey
as kindred Shadows rise in awe
to venerate her life’s bouquet
of destiny; she’ll not withdraw.

[AMETHYST]

Hey Snow ...

Excellent choice- I will put in a SECOND AND THIRD on this one. Lori's use of the form brings it to life, and each refrain line is so subtle that it blends in the poem without a notice to repetitiion. The subject is applaudable and this is surely a well written, professionally creative poem!

Excellent Job Lori, and Excellent choice Snow!

Hugs, Liz

[azurepoetry]

i know this isn't a crit area, but oh man, i love "torches raze a tepid night" that's both musical, vivid and original a line.
Since Liz has second and thirds, i'll take sloppy fourths.......

~tim/azurepoetry

[Cleo_Serapis]

Wow!

This is a nice eye opener this morning!

Thank you very much Snow, Liz (for the inspiration, vote of confidence and creator of this form) and Tim, for the fourths and comment on that line (I like that one too). Please feel free to offer commentary if you like Tim in Herme's where this is posted, I'd love to hear from you further.

again!
~Lori

[AMETHYST]

Ah Tim, no part take could possibly be sloppy coming from you! Tell ya what, I'll share my third - if I can take the fifth! LOL

Good Luck Lori, this is an exceptional poem! Hugs all, Liz

[Eisa]

I'd like to nominate Horsetales by Merlin, found in Herme's, a reverse rictameter, looks stunning on the page and is a well crafted tale, with beautiful imagery.

His horse was saddled, standing at the rail
while Josh took one more look into
the mirror hanging from
its peg wedged in
a crack
outside his shack.
Today he'd shaved, put on
clean pants and shirt; he had a date.
His horse was saddled, standing at the rail.
They headed down the trail to Susan's house,
along a jagged line fence through
an aspen grove; a doe
and fawn looked up,
surprised,
and maybe just
a touch or two annoyed.
Lighthearted, Josh rode along;
they headed down the trail to Susan's house.
It was his special place - a hidden lake
and alpine blossom meadow-green
where pastel wildwood rose
and lupine joined
to make
enchantment of
an unspoiled wonderland.
A loon trills out its haunting song;
it was his special place - a hidden lake.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Oh, this looks neat! I haven't had a chance to read or comment on this one yet Snow, but am looking forward to it!

I've sent Eric the permission form via PM.

Cheers
~Cleo

[AMETHYST]

Great Nomination! There is well chiselled skill within this Reverse Rictameter and only a true bard could make it dance as Eric!

[AMETHYST]

Hey Just wondering has this been given permission (HAHAAAHAA Only Kidding)

[Cleo_Serapis]

Permission granted and thanks again!

[AMETHYST]

Ah you silly - I saw you did! LOL Congrats, this has a great shot at IBPC- it holds depth, talent and poetic skills!

Hugs, Liz

[AMETHYST]

I would like to nominate this poem for its excellence in poetic devices, techniques, smooth story-line, which I found original and quite creative. I enjoyed this poem and the lovely flow of sounds and ease in read. The subject maintains an interesting angle that holds the readers attention till the final line, which I found to be applaudable.

This is posted in Herme's Homilies:
http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=9753

:)

To Flanders Fields

Revision 1

It didn’t end – still poppies grow
upon those graves of long ago
where soldiers’ bones forever lie;
they marched to war, to fight and die
in trenches steeped in mud or snow.

Bombs were invented that could blow
a city off the map, or mow
an army down like ripened rye –
it didn’t end.

Now comes a different, nameless foe
whose prime objective is to throw
his life unto the promised sky,
achieving martyrdom thereby;
and all the while, more blood will flow –
it didn’t end.

[AMETHYST]

I would enjoy nominating this poem by Snow. The poems subject uses the beauty of horse and narrator growing up and older together, of going through seasons of life. This is done softly, to enhance the loveliness of their relationship, there is gentleness in the imagery. The detailed descriptions bring the poem to life as I read through, and I feel the Poem ends on a very vital and pivotal message.

This is written with excellent skill, loveliness and wonderful sonics through out. Good Luck with this. This is posted in Seren's Synapse: http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=9286

My Life Gallops

The foal teeters on scattered hay;
I yell fiercely upon delivery
in the farmhouse.

She grows in hands
while I inch up in feet.
Clip-clop she trots
taking me in my buggy
to hear the black sheep baa
on Old MacDonald's Farm.

I groom my Morgan's coat,
straddle her leather saddle and
canter her within the stable yard.
I hanker for adventure outside
these walls, to race across cornfields
verging on verdant hills.

Gidd-up!
The filly gallops through
poppy strewn meadows.
I ride bare-back, hair ruffled,
exhilarated by crimson splashes
and wafts of fresh cut hedge-ways.

We stumble on stony ground,
as my jaded mare lopes
across acres of faded daisies
and desiccating acacia trees.

I see the undulating horizon
but reins slip, my weary hands
begin to lose their grip.
My horse won't stop,
I can't dismount
-- take time to see
the scenery.
She hurtles on past balding trees,
jumping across frosted hurdles.

Whoa!
Skidding on ice-flecked track
she catapults me downward;
whinnies resound as gravity
snatches her -- body breaking.

I gaze toward distant hills,
cling to her, both shaking.

We wait ...
I hear the shot
... feel no more pain.

[Eisa]

Permission PM Sent

Thanks for nominating this Liz. I've sent my permission form back.

Hugs Snow

[AMETHYST]

Permission PM Sent

Thanks for nominating this Liz. I've sent my permission form back.

Hugs Snow

Thanks Snow this is beautiful - big hugs, Liz

[Cleo_Serapis]

I'd like to nominate Daniah's poem "Words" located in our Shambhalan Sanctuary forum for its sultry imagery. The connection two lovers share is wonderfully and beautifully expressed in this poem. http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=9776

Cheers
~Cleo

Words

I beguile you with words,
spraying the musky scent of desire
in wafts that linger
deep beneath your cutis.

I tongue you with words,
feel you levitate beneath me,
moaning from sensations-
the melodies of my name.

I treat you with words,
sow seeds of compliance,
in the wake of my needs;
beneath the weeds
of your eccentricities.

I drown you with words,
discern the heaviness
within our folds,
as we tremble
beneath engulfing tides.

Doused
we await words anew.

[Siren]

Permission PM sent

Lori, thanks so much for the nomination. I've replied and sent the permission form back.

Hugs
dani

[Cleo_Serapis]

You are most welcome Daniah!

[Eisa]

I second this with applause!

Snow

[Siren]

Eira,

Thanks so much for the applause honey.

hugs
Dani