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> Decommissioned (Revision1), limerick
Maggie
post Jul 2 09, 11:37
Post #1


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Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in



Decommissioned (Revision 1)

A mosquito out searching for blood
spied a farm's prize thoroughbred stud.
She bit him in a place
that was a disgrace.
Henceforth he was just known as "Dud."

Peggy Carpenter Harwood



Decommissioned

A mosquito out searching for blood
spied a farm's prize thoroughbred stud.
She bit him in a place
that was a disgrace.
Henceforth he was simply known as "Dud."

Peggy Carpenter Harwood


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ace
post Jul 5 09, 16:29
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Peggy:

I've meant to tell you I enjoyed this for several days, but have had log in problems. I an a limerick fan, although I haven't written many.

One thought...would the last line be better rhythmicall as...

Henceforth he was just known as "Dud:.

Eliminates one syllable.

ace
 
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Maggie
post Jul 5 09, 16:43
Post #3


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Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in



Hi Ace,

Thanks so much for reading!! I'm so glad you enjoyed!!! I do think "just" sounds better than "simply." I'll try it.

Peggy


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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Jul 5 09, 23:06
Post #4





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Peggy, I have read this several times, laughed, chuckled, cringed, thought ouch...'bloodsucking mosquitoes.' And then wow what terrible place did that thing bite.... lol.

Steve
 
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Maggie
post Jul 6 09, 05:31
Post #5


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Posts: 698
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From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in



Hi Steve,

Ha!! Glad you read!!! Thanks for the encouraging words!!

Peggy


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