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> Windy Bill (metrical revision 16 May 2009), limerick
Maggie
post Mar 22 09, 05:15
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Windy Bill (metrical revision)

Windy Bill was a cowboy from Butte
who so dearly loved beans and his flute.
After chow he would blow
from his head to his toe.
Such a gassy old flute-tooting coot!

Peggy Carpenter Harwood




Windy Bill (Original)

Windy Bill was a cowboy from Butte
who dearly loved beans and his flute.
After chow he would blow
from his head to his toe,
that gassy old flute-tooting coot!

Peggy Carpenter Harwood


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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Mar 22 09, 14:40
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Peggy, Wonderful ROFLMAO... this is my smile for today... LOL.gif LOL.gif goodjob.gif thanks.gif highfive.gif sings.gif sings.gif sun.gif sun.gif smile.gif smile.gif biggrin.gif biggrin.gif claps.gif claps.gif claps.gif cheer.gif thumbsup.gif wink.gif ohmy.gif hsdance.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
 
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Maggie
post Mar 23 09, 20:44
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Hi Steve,

I'm so glad you liked it!!!!

Peggy


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ace
post Mar 26 09, 15:34
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Peggy:

Like Steve...love it.

Naturally two small nits:
Would second line scan better as "who loves his beans and his flute"; your line seems to have one too many syllables.
Line 4..."toe" will rhyme better and doesn't change the sense.

The last line is absolutely perfect.


ace
 
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Maggie
post Mar 26 09, 23:19
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Hi Ace,

Thank you so very much for reading and commenting!!! I'm glad you really like the last line!! I really like that one very much too.

As for line 2, it is eight syllables long and should be nine syllables, so I'm leaving it as it is. As for dropping the "s" in "toes," I think you have a good idea there, so I'm going to take your suggestion. Thank you!!

Again, thanks for reading and commenting!!! Much appreciated!!!

Peggy


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Arnfinn
post Mar 28 09, 04:56
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G'day Peg


Whoooeeee. He He.


rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif


Got a good belly laugh outa this one Peg.

Boom Boom.


Regards,


John


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Maggie
post Mar 28 09, 09:42
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Hi John,

Ha! So glad you enjoyed it!!! Thanks for the appreciative words!!

Peggy


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Psyche
post Apr 22 09, 19:53
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HAHAHA....Peggy!!!! Great limerick, this one. Do bring on some more, please.

Hugs, Syl***
PS: BTW, L2 also makes me stumble slightly, tho' it may not be important.

How about: "who loved brown beans and his flute"? TorT...!!!


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Maggie
post Apr 24 09, 11:22
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Hi Syl,

I'm so glad you like it!! I often find it difficult to be a bit risque without being downright vulgar and still be funny at the same time, but I was pretty happy with how this turned out.

Yes, I think the line gives a slight stumble too, but the line was already one syllable short, so I can't substitute "brown," a one syllable word, for "dearly," a two syllable word. If I did I'd be two syllables short of nine syllables. I'll think on a substitute for a while.

Again, thanks so much for reading and commenting!! I always appreciate your great feedback!! rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif

Peggy


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Marc-Andre Germa...
post May 5 09, 10:18
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Peggy,

This is a well-crafted limerick. I've enjoyed it.

Mark


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Cleo_Serapis
post May 5 09, 19:26
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Ha ha ha Peggy! rolleyes.gif

I think I might have one solution for your metrical issues - please see below...

Windy Bill was a cowboy from Butte
who so dearly loved beans and his flute.
After chow he would blow
from his head to his toe,
such a that gassy old flute-tooting coot!

Enjoyed!
~Cleo laugh.gif


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Peterpan
post May 6 09, 04:19
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Hi Peggy~

Do you see how you get all the males going!!!! :) In life we have to smile.

Enjoyed it

Bev


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Maggie
post May 16 09, 04:03
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Hi folks,

I'm sorry I am so late responding and revising!! Thanks for the suggestions and observations!!! They are much appreciated!!!! rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif

Peggy

Peggy


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Cleo_Serapis
post May 16 09, 07:52
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YAY Peggy!

nicerev.gif

I think this is it - the rhythms are smooth! sings.gif

~Cleo claps.gif


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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

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Maggie
post May 16 09, 08:17
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Hi Cleo,

Thanks so much for your help!!!! rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif

Peggy


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Larry
post May 16 09, 13:51
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Hello Peggy,

Verrrrry funny. I love a good limerick and this one was a "hoot".

I thought of another last line which you might think funny. It is not a crit because yours is perfect. Just something that came to mind:

"as green clouds emanate from his boot."

Larry


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Maggie
post May 16 09, 14:12
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Hi Larry,

Haaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! You're good at these!!!! rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif rollerskater.gif
Why not write one too?

Peggy


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