FICTIONS, Villanelle Options

[Psyche]

FICTIONS

From reckless fictions of the mind,
all two-faced nations shall depart:
therein the falsehood of Mankind.

We feign cruelty to be kind,
chasten’d with tears and broken heart,
from reckless fictions of the mind.

Shouting glory yet beauty-blind,
forever fair our poisoned dart,
therein the falsehood of Mankind.

Yesteryear, in distress aligned,
we’d faith in a celestial chart,
from reckless fictions of the mind.

Gracious, thus far in truth unkind,
cruelly wise we’ll not restart,
therein the falsehood of Mankind.

Embellish’d knaves, heroic, blind,
War and Greed our Thespian arts.
From reckless fictions of the mind:
therein the falsehood of Mankind.

By Psyche


Copyright: Sylvia Maclagan, Buenos Aires, Argentina, 2005.

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Sylvia,

Your flow throughout is so smooth.  I've never been able to write
a villanelle to my own satisfaction.  

Suggestions to use or lose: {omit}[add]

From reckless fictions of the mind,
all two-faced nations shall depart:
therein the falsehood of Mankind.

We feign {with} cruelty to be kind,
chasten’d with tears and broken heart,
from reckless fictions of the mind.

Shouting glory yet beauty-blind,
forever fair our poisoned dart,
therein the falsehood of Mankind.

Yesteryear, in distress aligned,
we’d faith in a celestial chart,
from reckless fictions of the mind.

Gracious, thus far in truth unkind,
so cruelly wise we’ll not restart,
therein the falsehood of Mankind.

Embellish’d knaves[;]{,} heroic[,] {and} blind, Most of your lines have 8 syllables but this and the next line have 9.  It throws off the rhythm a bit.
{both} War and Greed our Thespian arts.
From reckless fictions of the mind:
therein the falsehood of Mankind.

I don't remember the requirements of the villanelle but I thought this might smooth out a couple of bumps.  Lose them if they mess things up!  lol

Cathy

[Psyche]

Hi Cathy !

Thanks so much for your comments and advice. I still can't count English syllables properly. I was convinced I had 8 syllables in each line...    Total disaster, that's me.

Maybe you can explain how many syllables there are in this line:

We feign with cruelty to be kind,

Does "cruelty" perhaps have 3 syllables? Is that the secret?

Embellish’d knaves, heroic and blind,
both War and Greed our Thespian arts.

And I take it that here the problem is with "heroic"... does it have 3 syllables? Because I purposely removed the "e" from "embellished" to shorten it, and to make it sound more old-fashioned, as well.

And does "Thespian" have 3 syllables? Like "Thes-pi-an"? Because otherwise my dunce cap will remain on forever.

Trouble is, our diphthongs or whatever are different in Spanish, I'm really feeling frustrated right now !!! Help !!!

Will make the appropriate changes once you've kindly sorted this out for me. If you see any other lines with 9 syllables, do please point it out. Maybe, someday, I'll learn...    

Forever grateful to you, Cathy !!
Hugs,
Sylvia  

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Sylvia,

Let me butt in to say all English dictionarys disagree in some details.  One may claim two-syllables that another may claim three.  Be aware of this and when argument arises you can state your source.

cru el ty  is three syllables.

he ro ic   is three syllables.

thes pi an   is three syllables.

Don't let the academics ruin your education.  You are doing fine.

Don

[Merlin]

Hello Sylvia,

I stopped to let you know that I enjoyed your villanelle.  It's one of those forms I'm aware of, and aware that I haven't ventured into it yet.  Perhaps some day...

My main observation is a personal standpoint - I'm not into using the apostrophes in present day language, as you've done in "chasten’d & Embellish’d".  In neither of those cases would I have pronounced the final "e", ending the word in Ed.  Therefore, I find them useless and outdated.  However, it is up to the individual.

As to the syllable count, my policy it to try and avoid questionalbe words.  Of course, that isn't always possible.  When I must use them,
they'll be to my liking.  Words like "fire, spire, boundary, etc" could each be 1 more or 1 less syllable, depending on usage.  "Fire" could be "fi-er," that's 2.  Out on the shooting range someone calls, "Fire" - that's positively 1.  I've used both cases at different times.

Best

Merlin

[Psyche]

Hi Cathy !  :sun:

Thank you so much for your wonderful input !! I'm delighted to learn more about English syllabic mysteries. I've just now corrected the poem, following your advice...  :cloud9:    Don already kindly confirmed where my mistakes were, so you don't need to waste any more of your no doubt precious time on me... I'm a difficult case...  :jester:  :cheer:

It's my first attempt at a Villanelle. As far as I know, because I took one to model mine on, they have eight syllables per line, but maybe that can vary, I'm no expert, as you can see. I know that Lori has a section for all that info, but I never seem to get "up there", there's such a lot to do, isn't there?

Getting the repetitions right nearly drove me dotty. I've just told Grace that I'm going to write minimalist modern poetry for a spell....  :pumpkin:

You've certainly not messed up my poem, you've helped me enormously to make it a little more, er... neat?  :detective:

Thank you, Cathy !
Sylvia  :snail:

[Psyche]

Hi Don !  :sun:

I'm so grateful that you dropped in and cleared up my doubts. I'd no idea those words had three syllables, but just deduced it after Cathy's indications.

Like the tortoise, I've only just wandered into the Dictionary provided by Lori down below, and found that it divides all words into syllables...  :turtle:
Well, better late than never !! Useful tool, ha?

Academics have already ruined my education !! I'm relying on you dear people to pull me out of the square box they shoved me into...  :ghostface:

Thanks a lot, Don, and take care !!
Sylvia  :snail:

[Psyche]

Hi Merlin !

Your visit is a great honour to me, Great Wizard !! Thank you so much for stopping by. Very interesting about the syllabic variety in words, depending on usage. It certainly gets a little more complicated...  :ghostface:

I'm wondering what to do about my two apostrophes. You see, I was aiming for an old-fashioned style poem, in Villanelle form, so I stuck them in. You're quite right in pointing out that they're outdated...  :detective:   Neither do they make any difference to the syllable count, as I've now learnt by consulting the Dictionary down below, which Lori has kindly provided. I'm a bit slow... please forgive, Mighty Wizard....  :oops:

It's my first Villanelle, by the way, so it's a relief to know that you enjoyed it.
I was listening to Leonard Cohen's latest CD, and in one part he recites a Villanelle called "Villanelle for Our Times", with some background music, and I was struck by it. So I copied the words and used it as a model. Just counted the syllables and discovered there were 8 per line... and drove myself crazy getting the repeated lines in the right order !!!

Shall take a rest from R&M for a while...  :ghostface:

Thank you again,
Sylvia  :turtle:

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Sylvia,

As another let the cat out of the bag, I will agree that some three-syllable words are conventionally spoken in poetry as two. Poem is a case of two-syllables spoken as one. I avoided adding this confusion on assumption Cathy would get around to it at proper time.  Heaven knows, I have not a complete list of these exceptions.

I fear to tell you that villanelles may have other syllable counts per line than eight.  At one time the villanelle was my favorite.  Since, I have found so many variations that one wonders if the original form may be lost forever.  

It may be tough composing those repeat lines, but the advantage is most of the poem is automatic once that choice is complete.  You have encountered the main issue of composing a villanelle.  Those few lines are critical.

Yours turned out relatively smooth.  This tells me your critcal choices are well done.

Don