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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms _ Haiku

Posted by: alice Jul 29 09, 05:12

end of summer
in silence we share
the last plum

alice

Posted by: ace Jul 29 09, 17:44

Alice:

Lovely image and a nice short poem. Whether it is a haiku or not is probably open to debate. I believe haiku's have a 5-7-5 rhythm. Something like:

the end of summer
arrives in silence; we share
the juicy last plus.

Still these are nice lines. In fact they are better than mine.

ace

Posted by: hellfire Jul 30 09, 07:32

hi alice

i think this piece speaks volumes with beautifull imagery that is heartfelt.loved it
regarding the format,the syllable structure is allowed to be less than 17 as far as i know.

cheers

hellfire

Posted by: alice Jul 30 09, 08:54

Hi ace, thanks so much for reading and commenting on my ku. I find 17 syls too long most of the time, but you never know, I may come up with one I like the sound of yours..especially: "The end of summer arrives in silence" I'd probably just tag on "juicy plums"

The end of summer
arrives in silence
Juicy plums

take care
Alice

Posted by: alice Jul 30 09, 08:57

Hellfire, appreciate your comments. yes, I believe there are many schools of thought and much debate on how many syllables a ku should have.

I'm glad you liked my shorter one..

regards
Alice

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Aug 1 09, 08:09

Hi Alice44,

I enjoyed this haiku. I also don;t agree that they must confirm soley to the 5/7/5 traditinal rule of thumb. Might I suggest 2 offerings?

Swap L1 and L3 and is there another way to phrase 'end of summer' without using the season word itself?

end of summer
in silence we share
the last plum

Enjoyed,
~Cleo