Hi Alan -

A bun in the oven perhaps?

Thank you Jerry, thank you so much. :)

Hi Jerry -

Thank you for stopping by for the short read and the kind comments. My husband, Tony, and I have rescued strays for the past twenty years or so but have had to adopt them out due to his diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma (a cancer of the plasma cells in the bone marrow). We had 13 critters and are now down to the final four...I'm not sure which is harder on him, the pain due to his disease or giving up his beloved pets. I do hope you are feeling better; I know recovery from spinal injuries are usually long and very painful.

Hi Jerry -

Like the others, I enjoyed your hospital humor. My only suggestion would be to omit 'up' in 'curls up her upper lip'...I think 'curls her upper lip' works better without the extra 'up'.

Hi Snow -

Much too soon for me to read this as I lost one of my beloved dogs just a few weeks ago and had to give most of the others(13) away due to my husband's illness. Just as I thought I was strong again, this writing broke through my fragile veneer. It's beautiful in it's simplicity and truth. No crits from me just tears.

Reflections of Heaven

I watch him slowly navigate the old wooden back porch steps, restraining my instinct to reach out and steady his shaky form; he insists he can manage. With a cane in his right hand and his left on the rail he gingerly places each foot on the stairs and bites the outline of his bottom lip as the pain vibrates up and ripples throughout his body like breaking glass then continues to shatter. He reaches the sidewalk and shuffles like an old man across the yard to sit on the patio bench.

He gives me a nod and I open the screen door allowing his four-footed ‘children’ to flow around me like a gold and ebony river. They race toward their savior, this humble man, who brought them back from the dust; the unwanted, homeless and hungry; the strays. Happy barks and yips catapult through the springtime air as the pups vie to be first at his feet. And then Tony does something, something I’ve seen a thousand times but still holds a bit of mystery for me. He casually raises his arm and with the slightest flip of his wrist holds his hand up, palm facing out and the dogs immediately fall to the ground, quiet and still.

One by one he calls them and traces the roundness of velvety heads with skeletal fingers while leaning down to whisper in pert attentive ears and they chuff joyfully, conversing in a language only they and Tony understand. It is a moment so private I look away until I hear him send them off to play with a gentle pat on ample rumps.

I see a smile begin to bloom on his lips, softening the hard planes of his face and hollowness of his cheeks, as he watches Lucky scout the perimeter of the yard looking for a loose board in the fence. He knows Lucky wants nothing more than to escape in the hopes of finding a lonesome female to romance. He glances at Kelly-Bop rolling beneath the Elderberry tree, oblivious to the splashes of red and squawk of the Cardinals as they swoop and dive trying to shoo her away from their nests. There was a time when her antics caused his baritone laughter to cover us like a blanket, familiar and warm but not today, cancer had crowded out his laughter along with good blood cells.

He turns to take in Nighty-Girl and his eyes deepen with affection. If he has a favorite, she would be the one. She is currently enchanted by bumblebees dancing on clover and would remain that way until the moon becomes nestled in the evening sky if he allowed it. And finally No Nopes, his miracle dog (but weren’t they all?), physically blind, but with an all seeing heart leans against Tony’s bad leg, the one swollen to twice it’s normal size due to the effects of chemo, remains sentinel, protective of his master.

And just when I think I’m witnessing his final farewell to his beloved companions, he turns to me and says, “Love….”, while raising his arms like a maestro , indicating, the only family he’s ever known as they frolic in the yard, "love is a reflection of heaven.” And I understand that death is not final and we all shine on.

Hi Snow -

Thanks for stopping by. I usually just copy from WP and that program places caps on every line...thank you for catching it. I like your suggestions and will revise. What do you think about changing 'ruin' to 'smudge'?

Hi Eira -

I don't know whether to laugh or cry! I thought this was about an overwhelmed mother but no...the computer! I find myself in the very same situation. I like your revisions and would leave it as it is. Very well written and entertaining.

Hi Steve,

I like your humor but to tell you the truth, I fell in love with the first two stanzas and felt this could have been a wonderful love poem without the third. Just a thought in case you might want to change the ending.

Watercolor Dream

A stick-figure family painted in bold primary colors
is propped upon a child’s easel.
Under the sanctuary of an oversized sun
children run happily through green meadows
with lopsided red flowers.
While parents hold their quarrels
Behind inflexible smiles; never allowing tears
to ruin their masterpiece.

Hi Snow -

Thank you for the kind comments. I will revise shortly.

Robin

Hi Steve - Your comment really touched me; I love it when I'm able to make a connection with the reader. Thank you.


Hi Liz - Your suggestions are sound and I will revise, thank you.

Robin

Hi Alan -

I'm quite impressed with the changes you've made considering you're a man. (I tease!!) Love the title!

Thank you!

Robin

Hi Jim -

On the contray, I sometimes bypass the screwdriver and use the butter knife instead. :) I do like the idea of a 'green message' to show the innocence before the rise/fall to fame.

Robin

Hi Alan -

I'm thrilled this was so easily understandable since my writing can be cryptic at times. Most women I know who have experienced a bad relationship have been in this position (pun intended!). They either feel the lack of passion is 'just the way things are' or that there must be something wrong with them. The poor gheishas...

I am thinking about revising 'my silence edges round your silhoutte' to 'my silence curls around the edges of your silhoutte'. If you happen to stop by again, let me know what you think. And I'm not satisfied (I can't seem to get away from the subject matter) with the title so if you have any opinions I'd like to hear them. Thanks.

Hi Bev -

Nice to see you again, and thanks.

Robin

Hi Jim -

I really enjoyed this write on the perfect facade of the A-Listers and the ego-maniacs who discover them.

My only suggestion would be to find a substitute for 'in worn down heels' since it's rather cliche.

Robin

(Revision)

WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE

It's much easier to lie submissively
underneath your heaviness,
my silence curling around your silhouette
and bumping against the ceiling,
rather than to believe God
created me through opaque eyes.



It's much easier to lie submissively
beneath your heaviness while
my silence edges round your silhouette
and docks against the ceiling,
than to believe that God
created me through opaque eyes.

Still up to your old tricks I see. This made me laugh Alan. I'm sure I'll be repeating it.

Robin

Hi Jim -

You can't imagine my surprise and delight to read an indepth review! This is exactly what I need to round out my writing. Thank you.

I understand where you're heading when you use the word 'Country'. However, and this is where the cultural differences come into play, the word 'country' in my neighborhood is used to describe a person; i.e. He's so country...which means square, uncool, not hip. I'm not sure how to rearrange this sentence but will work on it.

You're right about not needing 'at her dining table', consider them tossed.

Thanks for catching the double 'set' usage. I need to clean up those two sentences.

Ah! 'Jimmy open a window'. Here I made the mistake of thinking everyone lives right around the corner from me because windows are painted shut in these old run down apartments, you and many other readers wouldn't know this. Nice catch on your part and I should elaborate further for the reader.

And finally, yes, it was the LOSS of the mayonaise jar.

Again, thank you for the time and consideration you put into reading and reviewing. This has been immensely helpful to me.

Robin

Hi Jim -

I liked this as a historical account of Lennon's rise and eventual demise. I can appreciate the technical aspect of the poem, however, it didn't evoke much of a emotional response from me. Of course, we didn't know the man personally so that might be quite difficult to pull off.

4th S, L6 'a better man than you then, Gunga Din.' is a tongue-twister! Perhaps leave out 'then' or 'then a better man than you, Gunga Din."?

Robin

Hi Steve -

Yes, there are a few crits to be made but I'll come back and address those later. Just a quick note before I turn in; I think this is a very honest poem which makes for good reading. I especially like the line about dabbling your toes amongst the stars...love that. I'll be back for an indpeth crit tomorrow.

G'night,
Robin

Hi Mary,

This is quite beautiful. I loved the flow and content. The ending two lines are exceptional. I doubt there's much in the way of technical flaws and it would take a much keener eye than mine to see them.


Robin

Hi Cleo,

Thank you for the kind comments. I agree 'laced' needs to be changed and I like Mary's suggestion. I'll be back in a few days to revise.

Robin

Hi Mary,

Yes, by all means use my name...Robin. I remember you as well and your poem about the economy and Henny Penny. :) I like 'entwined' much better than 'laced'. I'll revise in a few days, I have relatives in town and we're on the 'go'. Thank you for the encouraging words and the help.

Robin

Hi Snow -

Nice to hear from you. I'm pleased you enjoyed Berta's story. Another chapbook entry? Sure, why not?

Robin