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Arnfinn
Posted on: Feb 6 18, 23:35


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From: Australia
Member No.: 17



G'day R C


The subway, train stations, are full of action.

An easy subject to write about.


Thank you for your comments.

Regards,

John
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #149528 · Replies: 6 · Views: 19,584

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jan 30 18, 05:41


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G'day Richard

I find your poem remarkable...

Each stanza a concise chapter from a life experience.
Nothing confusing--I understood the thought process behind each line.

A talent...clear illustrative writing.


Regards,


John

  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #149471 · Replies: 2 · Views: 1,428

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jan 30 18, 05:28


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G'day Denis.

You seem to have the gist of things.

5-7-5

Where

What

When

I like your comical approach.


I'm sure Basho san would award 3 stars.

  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #149470 · Replies: 2 · Views: 1,535

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jan 30 18, 05:18


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Member No.: 17



Still growing passionfruit, Larry pinkpanther.gif

Mate your opening is a stunner "icicle claws"

Then drop into a piece of introspection...

To finish off...farewell to the stark disclosures white

Enter the Jade green of spring.


You have not lost your touch.


Regards,


John
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #149469 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,535

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jan 30 18, 05:06


Creative Chieftain
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Member No.: 17



Quite a sermon there Daniel.


Every section passes the 5-7-5 test

Situation.


Where

What

When


An accomplishment.


Regards,


John

  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #149468 · Replies: 5 · Views: 1,644

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jan 30 18, 04:58


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G'day Daniel.

Thank you for your comments--a reflection

silver eel...a silver bodied passenger train.

"me" passes the grammar test.

Regards,

John
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #149467 · Replies: 6 · Views: 19,584

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jan 22 18, 04:36


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Train Journey

No excitement—
slow rotation…
wheels slip brake shoes,
dynamic motors grumble— pulse;
carriages exhale in a rush of grit and dust.
Un-tethered the silvered eel dissolves into the
black-circle of enchantment— screaming with fright.

Within the train
Sway— rattle— bounce.
We sit Rae and me, knees barely
apart— our thoughts blended silence.

Arnfinn © 2018

  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #149411 · Replies: 6 · Views: 19,584

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jan 31 16, 07:38


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Larry...

Irrespective of the word selection...it is finding the correct allotment.


" My kingdom for a horse any horse" . Would have no meaning without Shakespeare.

Regards,


John
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #142178 · Replies: 14 · Views: 3,389

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jan 30 16, 06:46


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G'day.


Enjoyable poem.

Well written...with a sleighbell beat.

And as you say...one never knows who arrives at ones doorstep.


Regards,

Arnfinn
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #142150 · Replies: 7 · Views: 3,285

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jan 30 16, 06:38


Creative Chieftain
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From: Australia
Member No.: 17



G'day Larry

This is a great piece of poetry.

The imagery describing the seasons is outstanding, mate.

You should be proud of this one Larry.

As poetry goes...you do not see many better than this.

Regards,

John
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #142149 · Replies: 14 · Views: 3,389

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jan 30 16, 06:30


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G'day Merlin


A double whammy.

No loose ends from your fine feathered friends.

The main attraction for me is the reading and the flow.

I admit the theme is a bit strange.

But that is what we are here for...to learn.

Good to find you still pottering around.

Regards,

Arnie.
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #142148 · Replies: 15 · Views: 3,844

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jan 30 16, 06:17


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G'day Daniel

I suppose you could go gently into the night--a good place to hide.

You made a good job of this presentation--I did not miss a beat.

How is the pullover scene can you get a glimpse of the lady. pinkpanther.gif

Regards The Finn. troy.gif troy.gif

  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #142147 · Replies: 5 · Views: 2,296

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jan 30 16, 05:59


Creative Chieftain
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Member No.: 17



G'day Maureen


Feed Lots...not giving the animals a fair go.


You tell the story well.

There are traditions to be observed between stock agents and cattle producers.

Regards,

John
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #142146 · Replies: 8 · Views: 3,319

Arnfinn
Posted on: Oct 12 15, 03:28


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Member No.: 17


G'day Larry'


Poetry in motion...

A poets simplicity of happiness.

You write good poetry my friend.

Regards,

John :pink troy.gif panther:
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #139400 · Replies: 10 · Views: 3,346

Arnfinn
Posted on: Apr 29 15, 08:07


Creative Chieftain
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From: Australia
Member No.: 17



G'day Dani, Beverleigh et all.

Just dropped in for a wander...

There must be some psychic connection somehow... seeing we all dropped in about the same time.

I noticed Beverleigh was referred by Jox (a delightful character). Does anyone have any news of J.

Best regards to all.

Something I noticed "Daniel" is member No 6 and I thought I held a bit of seniority at number 17.

John
  Forum: Introduce Yourself · Post Preview: #137227 · Replies: 11 · Views: 6,007

Arnfinn
Posted on: Apr 29 15, 07:46


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From: Australia
Member No.: 17



G'day Larry, old mate.

Long time since I metre.

There is plenty of fire in the woman and plenty of woman in the fire.

As you politely muse.

Regards,

John
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #137226 · Replies: 12 · Views: 4,503

Arnfinn
Posted on: Apr 29 15, 07:35


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G'day Snow...

Seen them many a time.

A reptile does not determine gender (or care).

Therefore I assume that the feast is metaphysical-- a presumption.

We must always be on the "lookout".

These are my feelings--with a shudder.

Regards,

John
  Forum: Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -... · Post Preview: #137225 · Replies: 16 · Views: 4,354

Arnfinn
Posted on: Aug 18 14, 04:56


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From: Australia
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G'day Sylv;

Past sins have no atonement.

Neither a belief in God or soothing words can eradicate history.

If we are not forgiven the revenge of our victims will last forever.

Our mind is in torment from undisclosed secrets, no matter how much we fight to right a wrong, each though opens wounds of truth with no redemption.

Our aim is not contrition--but a fear of discovery.

Time to change, put the past behind us, an with a show of strength reach the sunlight, with the intention working with and helping others.

Regards,

John



  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #135585 · Replies: 4 · Views: 3,188

Arnfinn
Posted on: Aug 13 14, 07:32


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From: Australia
Member No.: 17



I do not know what the fuss is about.

Spring has arrived.

And well identified.

I can only find praise for a well written, easy to read piece of poetry.

Regards,

John
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #135438 · Replies: 6 · Views: 3,092

Arnfinn
Posted on: Aug 13 14, 07:25


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Member No.: 17


G'day Sylv,

My observation I see comfortable old age looking adversity with a tinge of not knowing what to expect in the future .


Regards,


Your friend


John
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #135437 · Replies: 9 · Views: 4,266

Arnfinn
Posted on: Aug 13 14, 07:18


Creative Chieftain
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Posts: 2,587
Joined: 9-August 03
From: Australia
Member No.: 17


Misery

Here I stand,
bereft of energy.

Weary body bathed in pale light,
scarred fingers, clawing, undergrowth,
hooked thorns suckle strained sinews—
open old wounds— drain forsaken history.

A pause,
Weapon— raised.

Below the hilt— the blunt blade of conflict;
in front—old growth, nefarious impediments.
Swift blows repelled by the girth of time;
past sins find no absolution in post regret.

Each sword stroke—
No echo….

The tide of destiny reveals a stark burial,
broken bones— a skeleton interred in shame.
My conscious crusade, atonement, a failure
‘Enough—I must return to the sunlight.’


John Macleod
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #135436 · Replies: 4 · Views: 3,188

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jul 21 13, 04:36


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From: Australia
Member No.: 17



G'day All

Nah.

I have decided not to nominate.

I don't think this poem should be a public offering.

Tom was someone I shared with friends not with others.

Sorry about that.

This is the way I feel.

Regards, to everyone. Wizard.gif Pirate.gif Cowboy.gif laugh.gif dunce.gif queen.gif cheer.gif smart.gif gimli.gif irish.gif clown.gif taco.gif cool.gif gnome.gif bart.gif wave.gif


John troy.gif
  Forum: IBPC Monthly Nominations and Results · Post Preview: #132842 · Replies: 3 · Views: 4,995

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jul 5 13, 06:51


Creative Chieftain
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Posts: 2,587
Joined: 9-August 03
From: Australia
Member No.: 17



Whooooee

75 years old and still have a few fans troy.gif pinkpanther.gif

Thank you, gals I'm a lucky man.

Beverliegh from South Africa sent me a private message. rose.gif Not telling.


Your friendship is appreciated. troy.gif

Tempest Fugit.

John
  Forum: Member Announcements -> Basilica · Post Preview: #132645 · Replies: 3 · Views: 4,096

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jun 21 13, 05:05


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G'day Sylv and Snow.


Mission accomplished.

troy.gif minniemouse.gif minniemouse.gif

Regards
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #132484 · Replies: 19 · Views: 5,357

Arnfinn
Posted on: Jun 5 13, 08:06


Creative Chieftain
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Group: Centurion
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Joined: 9-August 03
From: Australia
Member No.: 17



G'day I know I'm a bit late.

Yes Snow a good piece of editing. minniemouse.gif pinkpanther.gif

Ok by me.


Thank you Sylvia, my friend, we seem to be together (a lot) in the gallery of contemplation. minniemouse.gif pinkpanther.gif


Regards,


A
  Forum: Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren'... · Post Preview: #132244 · Replies: 19 · Views: 5,357

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