I am way too late to be of much use here Tim (been very busy and heading out of town again tomorrow)

This is one of your finest pieces I think. And it has a wonderful musical quality that befits the subject, So I will be leaving word choice and phrasing alone here as I think you have a wonderful voice in this. My criticism is it was confusing to make the leap from the harp to the ivory keys (knowing full well that the keys referred to a piano) then wondering if harp was a slang word in some circles for piano - but I live with a musician and most of my friends are muscians and I have never heard that before.

Once you explain that Alice played both, of course it makes sense, but I believe others will fail to make the leap, just as I did. Because you say THOSE ivory keys, this reader thinks you are talking about something you have already mentioned, when the piano was not previously mentioned at all. Then the remainder of the poem talks about her piano, no mention again of harp

So maybe just do some thinking on how to help the reader who does NOT know Alice make the transition from harp to piano. Or have the notes pulled from the piano instead of plucked from the harp

My only other nit is having the last line stand alone. I am not sure why that bothers me, so I can't give you a good reason. I think maybe it gives it too much importance and takes away from some of the other wonderful things going on in this piece.

Cyn,

i have been thinking on your words for quite some time. Firstly, let me apologize for not replying to your very constructive comments sooner. i see where you are coming from and alas, will have to make some sort of correction to address the deficiency in the transition between instruments.

Re: the last line. Um, i'm torn about that too. You are the first to mention the detraction and that bothers me even more. i will address the first problem immediately in lieu of the IBPC, and meditate on the latter later on today.

Thanks for your help and again, good luck,
~tim

Hi Tim

Personally, I agree with Cyn about the last line and feel it just looks lost on its own at the end. I don't feel it holds any extra importance to justify that position and would bring it up to the stanza before it.

Just my opinion

Snow